- i'm back after a long relapse

i'm back after a long relapse




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Postby Dallas » Fri Feb 09, 2007 9:03 am

Congratulations on another day Catsup!

When you brought up the difficulty with God idea, it reminded me of when I was freshly sober still shaking and sitting in front of my first sponsor having a discussion about coming to believe in a Power greater than myself. I was having a tremendous difficulty in having any sort of open-mindedness about the idea of God. So, my sponsor asked me, “Dallas ... do you think you could become willing to believe?â€
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Postby anniemac » Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:05 pm

Ah, Catsup, can I relate about the "God" thing!! I was a devout athiest my entire life, including when I walked in to AA. Matter of fact, even when I knew I wanted to stop drinking, I avoided AA for a while because I knew that AA had that whole "God" thing going on.

I had very preconceived ideas about the definition of God. I thought "God" meant that old man in the sky with the long white beard that sat in heaven. My definition has changed drastically. Or, perhaps, I just use the word "God" to refer to my belief because it's just easier to use a one-syllable word that is univerally understood instead of saying "that field of energy that runs through the entire Universe and connects us all".

My beliefs lean much more toward paganism and wicca than they do toward Judeo/Christian religions. My beliefs are also influenced by the quantum physics that Dallas mentioned.

When I listen to AA - The Program, and not AA - The Fellowship, my beliefs fit perfectly in to AA. The first time I read the Big Book, I felt that Christianity was leaping out at me from the pages. Now when I read it, I see all of my beliefs leaping out at me. It's all about the perception, for me.

I'm glad that you found an essay that helped you get past some old ideas. All we have to do, is to be willing...the rest seems to fall in to place.

Best wishes for a sober weekend!
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Postby catsup » Sat Feb 10, 2007 12:39 am

thank you for sharing the paths you took to find your gods. i can identify with both of you and it was indeed helpful to read your replies. i believe in the beauty and power of nature. always have. i love natural history. i love animals. i love the woods and the sea. these are the things that can bring me sanity, if i let them. i've been so self destructive for so long that i'll have to work at this. i need to get out from under the depressing oppression of alcohol.

i keep telling myself that these days of craving and missing the booze will become more barable. but it is harder this time around. but it is just as simple. one day at a time.

thanks again for your support. catsup
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Postby catsup » Sat Feb 10, 2007 12:43 am

oh yes. Dallas would you be so kind as to PM me that link again to the free speaker downloads. i didn't save it and i think a moderator made it disappear for mysterious reasons. lol catsup
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Postby Dallas » Sat Feb 10, 2007 1:11 am

Gee Catsup! We got a few things in common! :lol: I'm a nature and animal lover myself and I also believe in the beauty and power of Nature! :wink: It's amazing how I can walk around with a seed in my hand - and nothing seems to happen to it. But, if I put it in some dirt, give it some water... and add a little sunshine to it--- it begins to transform from just a seed into a plant. Kind of like that application of applied principles thing that I was referring to.

When I came into A.A. the first time, it did seem like it was easier at getting sober. It didn't seem as painful as it was... after I had started drinking again... and then tried to get sober! I really had to work at it this time around! And, it took all the help that I could get. I just couldn't have done it on my own! Nor could I keep doing it on my own --- one of the reasons I'm right here -- writing this -- It doesn't bother me to admit that I need your help, anniemacs help, musicmodes help, and all the other help that I find here in the forum, and in the A.A. meetings, and from God, too! And, if I'm not doing my part in this deal -- all of the help in the world, including God and Nature and Quantum Physics -- nor anything else will be able to help me.

Congratulations on another day catsup!!!! It will get better, it will get easier -- I can promise you that -- "when" and "how long it takes" -- is the variable. For me, it has been "incremental" when it came to getting better and not being so hard to stay sober. It took time and a lot of actions. But, it did happen. Once I had finally taken all the steps to have the obsession removed -- that was when it seemed to get much better, and better and better. I must be of the slow-variety -- when it comes to change! It does work -- if we keep on working it.

Best regards to you! Have a great sober night!

Dallas
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Postby Dallas » Sat Feb 10, 2007 1:15 am

BTW: I just sent you that link again in a PM. The Moderator can't get to 'em when they're in a PM! :lol:
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Postby catsup » Sat Feb 10, 2007 10:50 pm

my strongest craving time is between 3 pm and 6 pm. today i combated it by listen to music by samuel barbour through head phones. wow, it's powerful stuff! i recently discovered him after many years of liking classical music. i used to listen to Beethoven for powerful stuff. not any more! and it pre-empts my cravings quite well. superb, just superb.

i also listened to some of the downloads today which refreshed my cob webbed knowledge quite well.

i think one reason for it being harder this time is that i spent a number of years denying my A.A. knowledge. i became good at drinking in spite of it. now i am reading it and listening to it again, with a very solid wall of denial to get through. i like Clancy I. i can't thank you enough for the link.

and i do thank the gods that this music exists. :)) catsup
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Postby anniemac » Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:43 pm

Yup, Catsup, they say that AA will ruin your drinking. Glad to hear that you discovered a pleasant tool to stave off cravings. Music is truly spiritual to me.
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Postby catsup » Tue Feb 13, 2007 12:21 am

just checking in. i don't want to get complacent. don't want to get over confident. just because yesterday and today it was easy for me to not drink, i want to be on guard. i had this "somethings missing" thought around 3:45 pm and i realized i was thinking of a drink. it wasn't hard to abolish that thought. but there will be times when it is hard, very hard. when our summer friends arrive and start inviting us to cocktail parties - it will be hard. that's a ways off, i know, but i get ahead of myself and wonder about it. two choices - either go and not drink or don't go at all. but i must stay in the now, in today.

i have not felt any physical withdrawal. just emotional withdrawal. i'm lucky, i guess. but this is only day 8. lol

that's all for now. :)catsup
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Postby Dallas » Tue Feb 13, 2007 10:44 pm

Hey Catsup,

Thanks for checking in. It's nice to know that you've had a good day!

My thinking can always lead me to the brink of drinking! :lol: That's why it's important for me to remember that my problem centers in my mind... and that if I can keep my thoughts on what I want and off of what I don't want ... I'm more likely to end up with what I want.

The longer I'm sober and in A.A., the more I've come to believe that the real deal of what all these actions are about -- is to keep my thoughts off of me. When I'm thinking of me -- past, present or future -- is the only time I seem to be having any sort of problem. So, that's another reason that I'm glad you checked in Catsup! I can think about you instead of me! :wink:

Dallas
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