- i'm back after a long relapse

i'm back after a long relapse




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Postby catsup » Sun Feb 18, 2007 7:13 pm

just checking in again. still doing ok. in fact i am going through a period where it is not hard to not drink. but i must be on guard!

my partner has been off the booze as well. but i hear her planning her next drunk when the weather warms up. she has been doing supposedly to support me!

well now i am going to cruise around the forum some and check things out. thanks for keeping me company on this journey. :)catsup
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Postby catsup » Wed Feb 21, 2007 10:10 pm

well i officially counted the days and this 17. it feels like a lot longer. there are days when i crave it and do not allow myself to leave the house to go to town. like today, for instance.

i really don't have much to write today. catsup
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Postby anniemac » Thu Feb 22, 2007 4:23 pm

Wow - 17 days!! Congratulations!! That went fast - well, at least for me it did! Good for you, Catsup.

I know you live in a rural area, but I'm wondering if there's another town you could drive to so you could attend a meeting now and then. The support of the Fellowship is so helpful, and also I hear things at meetings that are so helpful that I wouldn't have thought up on my own. Also, being a part of something helped me to stand up and be responsible and have some pride and dignity in my life.

Hope today's a good day for you.

Anne
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Postby Dallas » Thu Feb 22, 2007 6:42 pm

Congrats on 17 days, Catsup! And -- as usual -- Great tips and suggestions from you Anne! Glad you're both here!

Dallas
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Postby Eddie N. » Thu Feb 22, 2007 9:18 pm

Hi catsup;

I'm new to the forum, posted my introduction in the intro area...I catch on quick.

Hang in there and since I am on my PC alot throughout the day I'll watch out for your posts and try to offer moral support as well as my E,S&H as much as I can.

When I first got sober I listened to alot of grapevine tapes, as speaker CD's and downloads of course did not exist.

I have a few good speaker CD's from out July 2006 FL state convention I'd be happy to burn copies and send you. Also if you have an IPOD believe it or not there are AA podcasts available free on ITunes.

Finally, I am not a real fan of tape meetings, ie Joe and Charlie, as one example here in FL but I find the Joe and Charlie talks great to listen to on my own at home or in the car. Hearing a whole Joe and charlie weekend session is good, good stuff.

As Bill W. was known to say, I salute you and thank you for your life.

Ed
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Postby catsup » Sat Mar 03, 2007 8:00 pm

if honesty is a big part of this program, i must admit that i drank again. one night i had just one beer. last night i was cooking and the recipe asked for wine. this was no excuse because inside i was planning this drunk all day. insanity is doing things the same way and expecting different results. i was defintely insane yesterday. something happened that bummed me out so, like an idiot, i chose to numb the storm rather than weather it. and, for today, i am not drinking.

i have become acutely aware that i am in the habit of numbing old familiar feelings with booze, stuffing feelings with food, and blocking feelings with non life enhancing, obsessive behaviors. i have a sense of it being time to get to work.

thanks for listening. catsup (hi there Eddie N.)
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Postby anniemac » Sun Mar 04, 2007 2:15 am

Hi Catsup ~ I've heard it said that there's no shame in falling down; the shame is in not getting back up again. It's heartening that you are right back here on the site, posting about drinking. Some who pick up just keep on going for another few obliterated years. Sounds to me like you have some willingness going on.

I can remember my internal battles when I was still drinking but finally sick and tired of drinking...there was such a strong pull to just keep on sabatoging myself, to just 'give in' and take the (seemingly) easy way out and stay numb; yet there was this healthy core screaming out from within me, and thankfully that part grew little by little.

I stopped drinking on 5/19/02. I began to immediately attend AA meetings daily, sometimes twice a day. I took commitments, I went out speaking once I had 90 days, at least twice a month. I jumped in to AA head-first. Meanwhile, every now and then when I was having a hard time, I'd pop a Perocet or Coedine pill - just to take the edge off so I wouldn't break down and drink. Finally around December of that year, I got honest enough to realize that I couldn't keep doing that. It then took another 2+ years to actually tell my sponsor and my homegroup that my anniversary date really wasn't 5/19. I got sober slowly, and I got honest slowly. At least, though, I was pointed in the right direction.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Remind me though - do you have a Big Book? Not drinking by sheer will power alone didn't work for me for too long - I really needed to immerse myself in the Steps to begin to have that life-altering psychic change that was necessary to keep me separated from alcohol.

Blessings,
Anne
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Postby catsup » Sun Mar 04, 2007 3:10 am

thank you, Anne, for kind and wise words.

as a matter of fact, i ordered a big book earlier in the day. is there a story in it that you would reccomend?

catsup
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Postby anniemac » Sun Mar 04, 2007 1:28 pm

Good news, Catsup ~ start with the Roman numerals, don't miss "The Doctors Opinion". Some folks go right to Chapter 1 and miss that. Then, up through page 164 is the heart of it...just read and digest, and ask questions if you don't understand. Matter of fact, Dallas has a great Big Book study section on this site - as you read, feel free to post your thoughts and questions on each section. Someone can pop in and see if we can help you out with any questions.

The second half of the book is a collection of stories by AA members. They are worth the read as well, however are not considered the "Program" of AA.

You may know all this - don't recall your AA experience in the past. Just ignore me if you're way ahead of me! :oops:
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Postby catsup » Sun Mar 11, 2007 5:09 pm

thanks, anne. i am still waiting for the book to arrive.

doing well at not drinking. but i know to expect more days of craving, so i hope the book comes soon.

i was surfing the internet and found myself reading about canadian and north american indian tribes. i found the most incredible quote from an anonymous , old, indian woman. she was discussing spiritual beliefs with a white person and said, "if you leave your bible outside in the rain and the wind, the pages will disintegrate and the words will disappear. our bible IS the wind." this really blew me away and helped me with my personal, spiritual quest. i have also had a remarkable dream. so, i think there is hope for me.

i do find it hard to be around anyone who is high or drunk, unlike my partner. we were invited next door for supper by a good friend who had been drinking wine. while she is not an alcoholic, sometimes she gets a pretty good buzz on. i didn't go. i know that this will get better and that i will become able to be around old drinking buddies but, for now, i'd best stay away from them.

well, just thought i would check in and post how i am doing.

catsup
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