- i'm back after a long relapse

i'm back after a long relapse




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

Postby Molly M. » Mon Mar 12, 2007 12:51 am

Hey Catsup;

Thanks for posting--your experience helps everyone stay sober for another day.

BTW--anniemac mentioned downloading the BB. It really works quite nicely. I have downloaded on my laptop and I can read it whenever I need a boost during the day. :)

Cravings can be a gift--as long as your having them your probably sober.
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Postby catsup » Mon Mar 12, 2007 1:20 am

thanks, Molly M. i will now look into downloading the big book. :) catsup
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Postby anniemac » Mon Mar 12, 2007 4:06 pm

Hey Catsup, good to hear from you! Hope you don't mind, I sent you a Private Message with the link for the BB online.

Reading about your neighbor reminded me of a time in early sobriety when we went out to a comedy club with another couple, and I thought it would be no problem for me to be around their drinking. I had no desire to drink or anything, but over the next few days, I was quite irritable. Being around their drinking got under my skin and just wreaked havoc with my mental state. So I commend you for knowing to stay away for now.

These days I still don't particularly care to be around people who are buzzed - not so much cause I want to drink, but it's just no fun trying to have a conversation with someone who is slurring! And, gee, I used to think I was so fascinating when I was drunk..... :oops:
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Postby catsup » Mon Mar 12, 2007 8:06 pm

thanks, Anne. i know what you mean about being around drunk people. many years ago, when i was newly sober for the first time around, i went to a gathering of drinking buddies at a bar. my partner and i watched them get progressively drunker and drunker, and the night ended with a dramatic scene over car keys. we looked at each other, realizing that this had been us the week before, and we agreed at how perfectly boring it was. it looked like a completely negative and wasted evening to us.

as i am away from alcohol more and more, i notice that my mind is coming alive and that my ability to lend meaning to things is returning. and, of course, this stupid alcoholic is surprised!

the Indians really have hold of me now. i find reading about them very interesting. the other night i had a dream with an Indian man in it. i won't tell the whole dream, but, at one point, when i was digging for Indian artifacts and found a necklace made from beads and fish bladders (!!!???), this Indian told me that it was genuine and very old. being who i am, i had to do a puter search about fish bladders. well. i found some writing about Floridian Indians and it stated that they sometimes wore fish bladder ear adornments. i swear i had not previously read this anywhere. nothing about necklaces though. i don't think that you will find me wearing fish bladder earrings in the near future, but, being who i am off the booze, all of this seems chocked full of Meaning somehow, as i search for spiritual definitions for myself on this journey called Sobriety. fish bladders! what next? (i should clarify that these are not urinary bladders, but gas bladders that assist fish with balance and ups and downs in water.)

i think my mind is a bit too awake at times, probably because it was pickled for so long.

thanks for listening. catsup
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Postby anniemac » Wed Mar 14, 2007 8:24 pm

Native American wisdom has helped me on my spiritual path, as well. How interesting that you dreamed of something real in their history that you have no knowledge of having known before! I'm a "multi-path" person and love reading wisdom and teachings from various schools of thought.

I am back in college to finally get my degree, and it's very cool how opportunities have presented themselves to me, to study things I'm interested in, while pursing a degree. Last year I took "Native American History" to fulfill a state requirement for a history class, and thoroughly enjoyed learning more about the various cultures and beliefs. This semester, I'm studying Buddhism and mindfulness meditation in a class called "Wellness & Healing", which is part of my Community & Human Services degree program. It's amazing how these things just "fall" in to my path.
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Postby catsup » Wed Mar 14, 2007 11:52 pm

yes, i too try to include anything that makes sense to me spiritually in my journey. i try to be open minded.

and, congratulations (!!!) on your return to learning!!! i finished my college degree when i was in my 40's.

i probably shouldn't have gone on and on about the dream and all, and kept my post more A.A. appropriate. i was hyper when i wrote it. a symptom of mental rebound after years of drinking. lol

my interest in American Indians started 12 years ago when, during a very bad time in my life, i came across an old Indian spear head on the beach nearby. every so often, i come across it in the special box where i keep it, but i have not felt ready for whatever its message is.

anyway. thanks for the reply. knowledge is power. catsup
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Postby Dallas » Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:17 am

Hey Catsup!

Just curious.... have you re-considered the idea about maybe attending some AA meetings? I'm not sure if I might have missed a message that indicated that you had re-considered trying A.A.

I would say that the biggest thing of all that has helped me has been trying to help another alcoholic... that has a desire to be sober. I noticed that it was what Bill W. did, when he was having a hard time staying sober... he was thinking about drinking and it clicked in his head, that if he wanted to stay sober... he must find another alcoholic to help.

It's kind of easy to find 'em in the A.A. meetings.... Sure beats the heck out of trolling alleys asking stumblers if they'd like to get sober! (I've done that too... when I couldn't find 'em in the meetings). :lol:

It works for me.

Dallas
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Postby catsup » Thu Mar 15, 2007 12:54 am

lol yes, as i was reading the "doctor's opinion" and the intro to the big book, i did start to think that perhaps, maybe, in the not too distant future i just might attend a meeting. it was when i wrote that i have an honest desire to stop drinking. if i do have an honest desire to stop drinking then what is to keep me from going to a meeting, i thought. i think that, inch by inch, i am getting there. in fact, i think i will search up a meeting schedule tonight. thanks for asking. but suddenly i hear this little voice in my head saying, "ok, go to meetings, but then you will not be able to drink at any of those parties this summer." i think i will take it a day at a time so as not to overwhelm myself projecting into summer. whew!

i will think on what you said about helping other alcoholics.

:)catsup
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Postby Dallas » Thu Mar 15, 2007 7:53 am

Several years ago I was reading AA Comes of Age, and Dr. Bob & The Good Oldtimers. I got the urge to go up to Akron, Ohio, and visit the places I was reading about.

I remember standing in the lobby of the Mayflower Hotel... where Bill W., stood... as he contemplated the idea.... "Maybe I could just go sit in that lounge and sip some Ginger Ale!"

This was about six months after he had his great "Hot Flash" White Light super spiritual God-experience in the hospital... He had been attending regular Oxford Group meetings at Calvary Mission in New York... he had been intensely working to try to sober up alcoholics... he knew very well about his own alcoholism, and the medical angle that Dr. Silkworth had passed on to him... and standing in the lobby of the Mayflower, he suddenly realized that the insanity of the next drink was in his head... and that he would get drunk if he didn't find another alcoholic to work with.

As I was trying to get a better feel as to what Bill was going through and to understand a little better how this deal of AA works... I understood that Bill probably knew more about alcoholism than any sober alcoholic of his time. He had already had his spiritual experience. And, as he searched the Church Directory, trying to locate a clergyman who could help him find another drunk to work on... he ended up calling on a guy, who was very religious... very spiritual... a strong member in his church... an active member and a regular attendee of the Oxford Group..(Our co-founder, Dr. Bob). Bill, later remarked that "Dr. Bob knew more about the spiritual angle and the Oxford principles than I did." Yet, Dr. Bob, couldn't get sober!!!

So... I began to wonder... what were the specific actions that Bill took to stay sober that day, and what was it... that kept Bill and Bob sober, after they got together? (after Dr. Bob's last relapse).

I believe I found the answer on page 15, of Bill's Story in the Big Book... where Bill is writing about his experiences in New York... in trying to sober up alcoholics. He writes "I was not too well at the time, and was plagued by waves of self-pity and resentment. This sometimes nearly drove me back to drink, but I soon found that when all other measures failed, work with another alcoholic would save the day."

This is precisely the same actions that Bill took in the lobby of the Mayflower. And, it's precisely the same thing that Dr. Bob & Bill did. They got very active trying to find another alcoholic to help.

For myself, I've come to believe that this is the key principle and the same exact set of actions that has kept myself sober. For me... this is one of the primary reasons that I make continious efforts to stay active in Alcoholics Anonymous.... It was in AA, that I got sober... and it's been in AA, that I have stayed sober.

While it's true that "AA prepares me for a life outside AA"... without AA... I wouldn't have a life inside or outside AA. :wink: At the rate I was going with my drinking, I have no doubts that I would have already died drunk!!! Each day that my eyes open... is a bonus for me! And, each day that my eyes open and I'm sober... is like hitting the lotto for me!

I like what I'm getting. My life today is good. It's better than I ever imagined it being. The good feelings that I have today... are the feelings that I was looking for in the bottle.

That's why I keep coming back! When I attend AA meetings I can always find a fresh newcomer to reach my hand out and to welcome them to Alcoholics Anonymous... to offer my number, and to let them know that if they ever have the desire to talk... they can call me at any time.

When I was very new in AA, I remember, as a newcomer... going to the meetings, and looking around the meeting to see if any alcoholics from the previous week... were still sober... and were at the meeting again. By seeing another sober member of AA show up to the meetings sober each week... it began to translate into the hope that I eventually developed... that AA might work for me, too.

Dallas
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Postby rpallen » Fri Mar 16, 2007 1:43 am

after 20 years, relapse, 3 more years, i have come to the conclusion that to take a drink or 2 or 3 to me is the same as standing on the tracks believing that as long as i jump off the tracks before the caboose get there i will be alright!!! it would be my death either way!!
hang in there you will get there
rich A
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