- AAARRRGGGHHHH!

AAARRRGGGHHHH!




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

AAARRRGGGHHHH!

Postby Powerless Dee » Fri Jul 06, 2007 7:25 pm

Hello, all! Can I just say UGH! I've got that little battle running through my head...dating back to my first stint with AA back in the 80's...the battle that says, "I am going to be controlled by AA...I don't want to be controlled by AA...I don't want to feel controlled...I don't want somebody telling me what to do..." ad nauseum. I shared this at the meeting last night and people did relate to these feelings and laughed and said, Yep, you're an alcoholic, just like us.

I guess I'm also feeling a little sorry for myself for what I consider getting a shafted life, particularly this past year. I'm also pitty-potting that nobody else around where I work is in the program and I wish there was somebody was...no meetings at noon around here...lonely at home...blah blah blah.

Thank you, just had to vent it out! How can I get past this horrible stage?
Powerless Dee
 
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Postby garden variety » Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:36 pm

Hi Dee,

On the "control thing" with A.A., you always have a choice. The book says "Our book is meant to be suggestive only." The thing you are actually being "controlled" with is something you no longer have a choice about, and that is drinking.

So even though the choice is very limited, it is still yours to make freely, like you did in step 3. In fact that's the choice you have. You can either choose step 3 today, make a decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of God as you understand Him, or you don't. Plain and simple.

The thing you don't have a choice about is picking up a drink. You will if you are a real alcoholic. Alcohol will control you physically, mentally, and spiritually. That will happen if you choose not to take the 3rd step (along with 1 and 2). It might not happen today or tomorrow, but it will happen because you can't choose anymore when it comes to alcohol.

About getting "shafted" in life. I'm in full sympathy with you. Yup, you most certainly got the shaft in a big way from life. And I'm not even joking because it doesn't hurt me to feel sorry for you because of your past...especially if it makes you feel better that someone somwhere sympathizes with you.

But here's something to think about. That happened several yesterdays ago, and it is a thing that happened in the past that you can't change. My suggestion is to "abandon" the thought. Leave it where it sits and don't go back today and try to pick it up again. No matter how hard you try, you won't get those yesterdays to work out to your liking today, or any other time to come.

But today, now that's a different story. If you did the first 3 steps, you have the Power to do an awful lot of good things. You have a lot of choices that can make you smile today. I can go home and sit on my front porch - something that simple - and feel a cool breeze when it blows, and smell the shade trees that line my street. I don't have to worry about yesterday or tomorrow. That's something that makes me smile. It's in the now, it's totally FREE of charge, and it doesn't cause me any sorrow, guilt, shame, or remorse. I'd be silly if I didn't make that choice, but I'll have choices that are more fun than that which I might make tonight. No - I know I'll make them tonight.

But the choices I have now, and today, and tonight are there because I'm an alcoholic just like you. I woke up this morning and I was just as powerless as you. If I looked back on my life, I could have chosen to think about how badly I got shafted too, just like you. But it was simple for me today - why would I want to choose misery from yesterday over the "unknown" or the "unexpected" of today. I know there's misery from yesterday I can go back and fetch any time I want to.

But today, ahhhhhh. Today is either the heaven I can run to or the hell I can run from. It's all a matter of perception.

Trust me on this Dee, I guarantee I have enough in my past to feel just as crappy about as you. It just don't make any sense for me to choose it to entertain me. I also guarantee you this, too, Dee, you have the same 24 hours in this day that I do and you can make choices that are more fun than playing in yesterday's garbage heap.

Give yourself permission to have a "fun break" today. You know you're allowed to do that no matter what step you're on? You know there is no secret law in A.A. that says you can't have fun in any given moment. Get back to yesterday tomorrow - put it off - and find something better for your soul to do today and right now.

God bless.
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How can I get past this horrible stage?

Postby Dallas » Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:47 pm

How can I get past this horrible stage?


Time. Patience. And, don't drink.

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Hi Powerless Dee!!!

I'm not sure if I should say "sorry you're having difficulty" -- or "it's nice to have difficulty -- but it's not nice when we have it!" Difficulties can help us to grow.

Have you ever thought of the difficulty that the root of a flower stem experiences -- when it is trying to push it's way down to deep fertile soil, and get around all the rocks and stones and pebbles that are in between the soil and the stem? It doesn't happen overnight. It takes time. And, if the roots didn't grow and wrap around the rocks, stones and pebbles -- a light wind could blow the flower away.

If we wash, wipe, and flush --- "This too shall pass!" :lol:

For me, and for many -- what you are going through, was normal for us. It just happens.

I've come to refer to it as my S-H-I-T Happens

Something
Happens
In my
Thinking!

Happens.... :wink:

It's actually humorous when an alcoholic says "I don't want them controlling me!" When, God alone -- can't even control an alcoholic!!! :lol:

When I used to hear the word surrender -- "I thought" they were saying "surrender to them" -- and, now I view it as "Surrender to freedom."

We can comply -- but we can never be forced. It simply will never happen that an alcoholic can be forced to do anything! :lol: Remember?

You'll be okay. This too shall pass. And, one day -- you'll look back and chuckle over it.

Dallas
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Postby carol1017 » Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:40 pm

Hi Dee!

Boy, can I relate!!! I refer to those days as the "poor me's" -- days when I just KNOW I'm the only person in the entire world who can't drink like other people, and nobody understands me, yadda yadda. I hate when that happens!!

This may sound trite and rather like putting a BandAid on a severed limb, but those days are the ones where I turn to my gratitude list. I remind myself of all the great things that I'm grateful for since I got sober.

My sponsor got me started on that early on -- she told me to write down at least 3 things I was grateful for every single night. Some days, I could only be grateful that I didn't drink that day -- and I wrote it 3 times!

It's really hard to be self-centered and on a pity pot when you have an "attitude of gratitude"!
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Postby Powerless Dee » Sat Jul 07, 2007 2:21 pm

Thank you all so much...there are so many good thoughts here that I cannot begin to thank each of you for them.

The thing you are actually being "controlled" with is something you no longer have a choice about, and that is drinking.

Garden Variety, you are so right about this. I guess I have never actually cemented this into my thinking, but it is alcohol that is controling me. Thanks! Damn, so many things to think about!

Dallas, you said"
I've come to refer to it as my S-H-I-T Happens

Something
Happens
In my
Thinking!


At first, when I read this, my very first thought was "BS, it's not in MY thinking! It's everywhere else, but not me..." ha ha ha, but the more I thought about it the truer it became. Of course it is MY thinking, I'm the one thinking it, I'm the one who's not happy, I'm the one who's obsessing on the bad and not the good. Thank you.

Carol, thank you for reminding me of a gratitude list. I started one awhile ago, but never kept it up. I will have to do that...attitude of gratitude. When I look at it that way, it sort of blows the sails off the pity boat. Crap, Carol and all you guys, stop taking away my pity party when I want to throw it!!! ha ha ha

Thank you all so much!!!!!
Powerless Dee
 
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Location: Arlington, TX

Postby anniemac » Sat Jul 07, 2007 8:54 pm

Hi Dee,

I've been through phases where I begin to think that AA is a fear-based control organization, so I can relate to what you wrote. Because I'm not in one of those phases right now, quite frankly I can't even think of an example of what would be going through my head. What I've discovered, though, is that I can get the Program of AA mixed up with the opinions and behaviors of its members. In other words, when I'm going through these little hissy fits, I come to see that there is not a thing within the actual Program of Alcoholics Anonymous that irks me. It's when I look for occassions to be offended by what a member says (i.e., if I'm not on my knees when I'm praying, I'm going to drink; stuff like that) that I start getting antsy. Sometimes I have difficulty sorting out the crap (opinions) from AA (the Steps). Soon as I get myself back to basics, though, and focus on the BB, the 12 x 12, and my side of the street, I relax and allow some of the nonsense that I hear to roll right off my back.
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Tue Jul 10, 2007 2:27 pm

real good stuff here...

for me, i kinda look at everything i dont like, do not understand, or not willing to do as FEAR based... it gives me the opportunity to stop, take a gander, and try to get grounded again...

ya know, the people, places, thins bit... peeps aint do'n act'n or say'n what i would like... things aint go'n as i like... life on lifes terms arent what i would like them to be... ohoh, oh well... the fear most of the times leads me to a tad of anger... a tad! yikes!... then comes a smidgin of a resentment... ouchy' wow wow!, them... creep, creep, creep... the self-pity of the charmin..., next stop, sooner or later... we may drink...


for me, the basic principals of the fellowship, and most important, the spirit... saves my (_rz_) everytime so far...

as i always like to say... yep, there was recovery long before A.A.

a beleif in something other them myself...

true freely giving...

real honesty, with others, my self, and my powers that be...

it took some real long hard work to change this drunks selfish nature...

all is well on the pink Cloud still, one day at my time!

xxoo & blessings... rz

when all else fails... go help another drunk... it realy works...
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Re: AAARRRGGGHHHH!

Postby Powderedwater » Sun Aug 26, 2007 10:49 am

Powerless Dee wrote:Hello, all! Can I just say UGH! I've got that little battle running through my head...dating back to my first stint with AA back in the 80's...the battle that says, "I am going to be controlled by AA...I don't want to be controlled by AA...I don't want to feel controlled...I don't want somebody telling me what to do..." ad nauseum. I shared this at the meeting last night and people did relate to these feelings and laughed and said, Yep, you're an alcoholic, just like us.

I guess I'm also feeling a little sorry for myself for what I consider getting a shafted life, particularly this past year. I'm also pitty-potting that nobody else around where I work is in the program and I wish there was somebody was...no meetings at noon around here...lonely at home...blah blah blah.

Thank you, just had to vent it out! How can I get past this horrible stage?


There is a line I always remember when I hear this kind of thinking it's simple as my messages will be most of the time I hope. :) "If you are sitting alone somewhere and thinking about your problems, Get outta there because you're alone with a crazy person! Get out and do something, anything but drinking, let some time pass and start your day over.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Aug 26, 2007 11:10 am

Good suggestion!!!
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Postby DebbieV » Wed Aug 29, 2007 11:37 pm

If you are sitting alone somewhere and thinking about your problems, Get outta there because you're alone with a crazy person! Get out and do something, anything but drinking, let some time pass and start your day over.


That sounds something like my sponsor would say. :D

And I know from experience, for me, that it is true and it works, every time I am disturbed, It just works.

Debbie
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