AA Sponsors and Other Problems

Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober
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Postby Dallas » Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:26 pm

Hey Paul, thanks!

I didn't think my question would confuse anyone. It was just one of those simple (I thought) questions that wouldn't need any clarification -- until a Moderator (evidently watching the direction of the thread) suggested that I add some clarification to it! :lol:

No offense Mods!!! :lol: I'm glad that someone is watching over me and the board! :lol:

It's kind of funny, too. This week I've been really focusing on that 10th Step Principle of "Self-restraint" and trying to use as few words as possible. Figuring "that will sure help me to stay out of trouble!" :oops:

Evidently, I was too self-restrained. And, I thought that would be good!


P.S. I like the way you wrote this:

Paul wrote: My role as a sponsor is to ask you questions that will help you get focused or directed toward a solution you develop as a result of your spiritual progress and journey.

Powerless Dee
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Postby Powerless Dee » Thu Aug 16, 2007 6:31 pm

Hi, all,

Wow, a lot to respond to. I will try my best.

GV: I was in the middle of the 4th step when things changed. It was like I just couldn’t cope with it in the midst of what was going on in my life. There were no ground rules from the beginning such as, sponsors cannot call others, or else it just never came up. She said that I was one of her best sponsees who did everything she suggested. She is a wonderful person who is just overwhelmed because she can help me with sobriety and the program, but cannot with the other issues, which are eating me up emotionally, physically and financially. I accept that.

Her exact words were “a sponsor is not supposed to call a sponsee.â€

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Joined: Tue May 22, 2007 8:31 pm

Postby carol1017 » Thu Aug 16, 2007 6:57 pm

Dee -- I was not in any way suggesting that you did any of those things -- that list is one that I read a few years ago (somewhere on the internet), and it seemed to fit into the discussion. I am in no position to take someone else's inventory.

I went through something similar when I did my first 4th step. The sponsor I had at the time, although available and responsive to my calls, wanted me to see my past through the eyes of her religion. Having had no experience with doing a 4th step, I initially thought I was supposed to feel miserable and that I truly was the sinner she told me I was. I, too, became overwhelmed, went for outside help, and changed sponsors. It made all the difference.

They say that the 6th step separates the "men from the boys" -- in my case, it was the 4th step. Being that honest about my part in the resentments that I had forced me to look at some things about myself that I didn't particularly like. Fortunately, with the proper help and guidance, I made it through.

Since it seems that your question is much more involved than your original post implied, I urge you to get the help you need to continue working the steps. Whether this help comes in the form of other support groups or counseling, there is absolutely no shame in admitting you need more help than AA or your AA sponsor can provide.

Dallas -- I wasn't confused, either -- your question made me realize that there was more to the original question than I initially thought -- good mental exercise!

garden variety
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Postby garden variety » Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:48 am

DebbieV wrote:....I would have a hard time if I called my sponsor and left an urgent message and they did'nt call back. If I have 2 years and I called my sponsor with a urgent message and they did'nt call back I would have a hard time with it. I also think what I think is urgent at 2 months may be different than it is at two years. I hope I will have grown by then.

Hi Deb,

I'm glad you picked that up about urgent changing over time.

About the messages...I also MUST ditto Dallas on the phone doing flaky things. This has happened more than I can count.

It happened when I was early in recovery. I would phone my sponsor and ask him to call back, and he never did. I was working on a good resentment after less than a week. I asked him at a meeting and he gave me a clueless look and said he didn't get any messages. I wanted to think he was BS-ing, but the look on his face was too sincere.

I said I'll test this phone thing, so I left another message, and I talked to him again, and he said he didn't get it. Then he told me to try following every single "prompt" of the voicemail instead of just leaving a message and hanging up.

I did what he said, and it worked. Since then, I've been pushing the "1" or the "#" or whatever the prompt says instead of leaving a message then hanging up. I even press the "#" or "1" after I leave a message and there isn't prompts. Funny thing is, after I do that with some voicemails, I do get prompts when there wasn't any there to begin with.

So what I'm saying is that it is possible the sponsor didn't get the message.

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Postby DebbieV » Fri Aug 17, 2007 1:37 pm

I like what my sponsor says: " If I don't call you back when you leave a message, call me back and ask why."

I think that goes with 'keep it simple'

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Postby Dallas » Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:34 pm

Hey Deb,

I like that answer, too!!!

It sounds like something that my sponsor would say to me!

:lol: :lol: :lol:


Vickie V
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Joined: Thu Mar 01, 2007 11:16 pm

I really enjoyed the post regarding phone calls,

Postby Vickie V » Fri Sep 07, 2007 6:16 pm

I really enjoyed the post regarding phone calls,

I call, and I encourage women I sponsor to do the same with sponcees. That helps keep my ego in check and helps build the relationship.
I had different "rules" throughout the years depending on how healthy I was at the time. This happens to be what I am doing now. I went through the times making people call me for 30 days, or call me every other night.
It works with some people really well. As I change and grow my style changes. I am a bit softer and more focused these days and who calls isn’t my thing, just as long as we are communicating and both willing to grow. :|

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