- ugggh... potential for relapse

ugggh... potential for relapse




Help for alcohol abuse addiction alcoholics who want to stay sober

ugggh... potential for relapse

Postby Position3DAT » Tue Nov 06, 2007 2:53 am

Hey yall! Justin here. 37 days sober and starting to wonder how much longer I can go. I want it. I need it. But I'm starting to get nervous. I've made it 30 days a handful of times and it's always at about this time that I relapse. I've made it past 45 days only twice, past 60 once and I'm starting to freak out a little bit.

I've been working step 4 and I plan on reading it to my therapist on Thursday and judging by my frame of mind right now it's a pretty thorough 4th step. I think it might be screwing with me a little bit because it's bringing back all of these negative thoughts and resentments that I haven't had in awhile. A lot towards my ex.

I've been thinking a lot about what Garden Variety mentioned in another post. Saving her for my last amend might not be such a good idea. After all, the people we've hurt the most probably should be the most urgent amends we make. I've kind of been worrying about that. What if she wants to get back together with me? What if she doesn't want to get back together with me? Ugggh!!!! I need to seriously stop it with the "what if's..."

I guess I'm just worried about letting myself down. Letting other people down is a worry too but letting myself down is kinda more important right now. For now I'm going to meditate and pray on it and wait and see what you guys think. And for the next 24 hours know that I'll at least make it to day 38. Goodnight.

And thank you Garden Variety. After reading your post to my introduction, for some odd reason I fell asleep rather easily last night.
Position3DAT
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:54 am

Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 06, 2007 11:33 am

Hello Justin,

My first inclination is to hope that you are doing better this morning and that your tough time has passed and that you are feeling more comfortable with your sobriety today. And, I do wish that for you.

However, in my own experience, and in the experiences of many other alcoholics that I've tried to help -- I also know that pain and discomfort can be one of the greatest blessings that you can have right now. Some of us refer to it as "the Gift of Pain and Desparation!"

Typically, it's the pain and discomfort that either drives us back to drinking or it drives us through the 12 Step process, where we find the real relief that we need.

It would be wonderful if us alcoholics would wake up early in the morning and shout "Geessss! I feel so damn good I think I'll celebrate by launching out into a course of vigorous action and get my Steps done!"

I've never known anyone to do that.

Most often, it's "I'm at the jumping off place and I can't stand the miserable pain any longer -- I better get those damned Steps done before this kills me!"

The patterns that you've shared -- seems to be, that when you get at the jumping off place, rather than jumping forward -- you've been jumping backwards. And, this is the pattern that must change, if you are to achieve and maintain lasting sobriety.

The pain and discomfort can be the greatest motivational force that's available to you -- to get busy and get the first phase of the job of recovery completed.

The first phase is to get all of the 12 Steps done as quickly as you can do them. That will initiate the Spiritual Experiences to rocket you into a new diminsion of living, it will remove the insanity and the obsession to drink, it will leave you feeling at peace and comfortable, with a reasonable degree of happiness.

The next phase, is to use the first phase experiences as your foundation to build on. It prepares you for "A.A.'s Daily Design for Living." Which is to continually and formally practice Steps 10, 11, and 12, everyday. And, this keeps you moving forward.

While you're moving forward -- through the second phase of your recovery, practicing Steps 10 through 12 daily, you'll begin to add all 12 Steps to your other problems in life.

The end results are so incredible and unimaginable, and so awesome, that it is almost unbelievable in how good you can feel, and how good your life can get.

It's all about surrender. Most alkies try to surrender with their head. That may bring temporary relief -- but, it's not the relief that's needed for the long-haul.

In A.A., we use the entire set of "action Steps" -- "the Spiritual toolkit" -- using all the tools -- to produce the surrender. That is A.A.'s unique method that works.

If you'll take a few minutes to think about all of the areas in your life that you feel pain and discomfort in -- while sober -- this can be used as an inventory of all the things that you have not yet surrendered. And, once those things are surrendered and kept surrendered -- you'll never have to drink or use drugs again.

I hope that helps.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

Postby Position3DAT » Tue Nov 06, 2007 4:57 pm

Ah Dallas! That helped so much. Thank you. There are a few things I haven't yet surrendered to, and my gut feeling has been telling me that if I just get moving on the steps this "gift of pain and discomfort" will pass. I also realized that you're probably right. Everytime in the past that I have gotten to the jumping off point I jump backwards instead of forwards! Amazing insight! Thanks again so much! You helped me today big time!

Justin
Position3DAT
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:54 am

Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:23 pm

Have a great day, Justin!!! :wink:

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

My Second Day

Postby Lou » Tue Nov 06, 2007 5:56 pm

Hi everyone, my name is Lou and I am an alcoholic. Today is my second day of recovery: I relapsed for the last 3 1/2 years after 8 years of not drinking.

I am 39. When I was 3, I got drunk for the first time. I was passing out wine to relatives, taking sips from each drink. By the end of dinner I was throwing up before passing out on the couch. I never forgot that.

When I was 12 I started drinking on my own. I drank more and more patholigically. By the time I graduated from high school, I was completely unaware that I had a problem. I thought that getting uncontrollably drunk, passing out, throwing up and blacking out were good things; normal rites of passage for the partying teenager. I was ready for college. :shock:

By my first year of college, I was drinking every day, as much as I could handle. I would skip class, go to my friends dorm room, and drink until supper, maybe longer. There were many nights of drunken stupidity, passing out, blacking out throwing up. And I thought it was all great fun. I was able to gather together 2 year of credits in my first 4 years there. At some point in college I recognized that I had a problem and went to AA for the first time. Oh, how I wish I never went back to alcohol. I undertood the definition of an alcoholic in my heart, that I was powerless. But intellectually, I felt that I really could controll it. I graduated college at 25 with a diploma and a full-blown disease(alcoholism).

The next two years were the most painful of my life up until that point. I met and was living with a woman whose disease was further progressed than I was. It was hell. She would be out all night, get into trouble with the law, and we were also drinking together more and more frequently. We were also spending more than we earned on alcohol and drugs. I begged her to get help, I would be there to support her. (I certainly didn't need it 8) But she wouldn't and eventually I couldn't take it anymore. So I asked my dad if I could live with him. He said yes but you can't drink. So I went cold turkey. this was 1995


In 1995, I went to a couple of meetings for about three months, failing to work through the steps. But I resolved that I would not drink again.

Now that I was clean on the alcohol, life started to improve :shock: I met my wife, started doing well professionally, and felt that I had everything under control. Those were the best 8 years of my life to this point. However, nothing will derail me like success, the pride of ego creeps in and I get too full of myself. When I quit my day job to run my own company full time I thought I could do anything I want.



Eventually I decided that hey it had been 8 years since I drank. I know I have a "drinking problem" I know its dangerous, I will be careful.



Well you can imagine how well that worked. :cry: I was able to handle a moderate amount of alcohol on most occasions. But I drank more and more frequently. By last week, I was drinking daily 5-6 beers, with an occasional 8-10. But what made me realize that I am powerless, what I should have realized much sooner in the last 3 1/2 years is that I binge. The last time was the worst. I came close to throwing away everything. My wife, my money and my self worth. I may yet lose the wife when she finds out how much money I blew.

The pain the guilt the revulsion are all pounding with all their relentless force. I welcome them, because I never want to forget again, that I am an alcoholic, completely uterrly powerless to control my drinking. This latest binge was so bad, I have put a serious financial hurt on myself and my family. But in someways I already have the serenity of knowing that it was the ransom for my life which was held prisoner.

I intend to document my recovery here and to participate as much as possible in the forums. This forum has held my rapt attention for the las 2 days. Only breaks for meetings, church and step work. I am going to get a sponsor by tomorrow. I will be leaving now to attend the second meeting of the day for me. But Dallas, you have made one thing abundantly clear. I must work the steps.

Thanks for all the help that you have already given me. It's so good to be able to connect with people who understand what sobriety and recovery are all about, I know I will need all the help I can get, especially from God. I have worked steps 1-3 and am in process with my sponsor(at least temporary sponsor) on step 4.
Lou
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:56 am
Location: New Orleans

Postby littlemiss » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:02 am

Justin,

hi.

Our counselor always says: "It ain't pretty, but you're DOING IT." (regarding sobriety...the struggle)

He also always says: "If you're gonna fall, Fall FORWARD..."
littlemiss
 
Posts: 101
Joined: Mon Sep 24, 2007 9:34 am
Location: S. Calif.

Postby Dallas » Wed Nov 07, 2007 11:37 am

Hey Lou, welcome to the site and thanks for sharing! We're here for you anytime -- if we can help.

Dallas
Dallas
Site Admin
 
Posts: 4781
Joined: Thu Jul 28, 2005 9:05 pm
Location: Fort Smith, Arkansas USA

If you can help

Postby Lou » Wed Nov 07, 2007 4:02 pm

Dallas,

You and the other wonderful members of our fellowship who post on this forum have already helped me. I am on day 3.

I see so many similarities in the stories I've read. Finally, I am home.

Most importantly, I surrender to the fact that I am POWERLESS over alcohol. Complete and total surrender.

I am eagerly anticipating having the tools to deal with these feelings and emotions.

Once again, thank you.
Lou
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:56 am
Location: New Orleans

Postby Position3DAT » Wed Nov 07, 2007 5:13 pm

Hey Lou. Just thought I'd say hi and welcome you to one of the best 12 step forums on the web. These guys (and gals) have been really helpful to me the last couple of weeks. If you're looking to achieve and maintain sobriety then you're in the right place.
Position3DAT
 
Posts: 13
Joined: Wed Oct 31, 2007 4:54 am

Postby Lou » Thu Nov 08, 2007 6:44 am

Justin,

Thanks for the encouragement. I am battling the insomnia. Going to Church 6:30 meeting 7:15 then step work.


Lou
Lou
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:56 am
Location: New Orleans

Next

Return to Help for alcoholics who want to stay sober

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest









.








12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - ugggh... potential for relapse



cron