From the edge

[tim-one]

From the edge

I stand at the edge with my back to the fall.
Behind me, far down, is death and despair.
Between me and there is naught but foul air,
If I turn or step back,
My life will end black.
To find myself here, I am grievous appalled.

I drop to my knees and consider my plight.
Before me, a desert, a mountain beyond.
The desert is dry with nary a pond.
I fear if I walk,
I’ll dry into chalk.
Maybe I’ll wait till the dark of the night.

My hands on the ground I struggle to crawl.
The desert is gnarled with thistle and thorn.
Creeping in pain, in the dark I am torn.
My tongue has gone dry.
No tears can I cry.
With gut-wrenching pleas, my soul to God calls.

"Oh, GOD, I’m afraid! I’m dying too soon!
I’m numb like a zombie, I’m walking, but dead.
I’ve no will within me to bear what’s ahead.
Not far have I gone
And I cannot go on.
Please give me the strength to move on lest I swoon."

I crawl through the night and the heat of the day.
I crawl on for days all the way to the foot
Of the mountain in which all my hope I must put.
Amazing, I think,
That I’ve crawled from the brink.
I look back and I’m shocked it’s no farther away.

In panic I scream, “Oh, MY GOD, what’s the point!?â€

[Dallas]

Thanks, Tim-One! Another great one!

Thank you for sharing it with us.

You remind me of a time in my life when I used to write a lot of poems and songs. I had a daily "to-do list" that included "write at least three poems today, and read one book."

I guess you can imagine -- I was in a place where I had lots and lots and lots of time to do it!

Thank God, and thank AA... that I'm somewhere different today.

However... because of you posting your poems... and reminding me of some times in my past... I went out and bought a new used guitar the other day... and I've put it on my list to write and play something everyday. And, I'm in a nicer place to do it.

When I first got sober and was trying to figure out what it would be okay with God for me to do -- I bought a few new guitars, keyboards, and enough equipment to fill a recording studio and play a large concert hall.

That had been one of my little-boy dreams... and it was also one of the painful heart break that led to more drinking and drinking and drinking.

For several years sober -- my fear kept me from moving ahead with my return to music. (My first love). My fears kept me from doing a lot of things that might have led to high flying success... because I was afraid it would lead me to drinking again. Yet, I was surrounded by others that were able to achieve great success in many of the fields that I was afraid to re-enter.... and, they were staying sober. (At least... many of them were). But, I had that feeling -- that I would be the exception -- and wouldn't be able to handle it.

Thanks for your sharing. It's doing a lot for me -- and I hope you keep on posting!!! I appreciate you and all that you are doing that ends up making my life better.


Dallas

[tim-one]

Hey, Dallas,

I'd like to see some of your sober songs, if you're so inclined.

Got some?

Tim1