Hope everyone is doing well.
Oh, and I gotta say.....Hello, Cricket!!!! So good to have you back!
You sure were missed, and I hope that everything is going as smoothly as possible. I know that for me personally, moving was never a smooth operation!
Ummm....I have a couple of questions for ya'll. (Brace yourself for a long post!!!)
Does anybody other than myself struggle with "doing God's will"? Does anyone else try to "figure out" what God's will is? The Book tells me that it is to be "happy, joyus and free". Some days....it just comes. Some days.....I kind of have a clue. Other days...... I couldn't figure it out with a will-detector.
Life has been insane for me lately. I'm pretty sure that I'm messing it up even more. And I just don't know what to do. Heck, I don't need any help screwing things up!! Maybe you guys know how it goes.......I try one thing....and that doesn't work. I try something else.....and that doesn't work. I try still something else.....and that doesn't work. Is that trying to 'run the show'? I suppose that's exactly what it is, but by the same tolken, I'm supposed to action, right?
I read. I do my lists. I pray. Then I'm afraid my prayers are selfish and wrong. Then, I ask God to forgive me for being selfish in my other prayers. I'm not sure that I do any better in my following prayers. He must get pretty frustrated with me. I try to meditate. Sometimes, I must do it right, because I feel so much lighter and happier. Sometimes, though, I must be doing it wrong because I feel either the same or worse.
I was asked to share at a meeting tonight. I didn't. I remembered that you don't get to air "issues" at a meeting. So I didn't share. But, if I'm honest.....I just didn't want to. Maybe I wanted to have another self-pity party. Maybe I didn't want to bring the other people down. Maybe my pride didn't want me to embarrass myself with an imperfect life. Maybe it was just too damn hard to admit life sucked sober. Maybe it was all of those things and then some. I just don't know, anymore.
I was watching a movie earlier, something I rarely do. It just happened to catch my attention. Anyhoo.... in the show, there was this guy who was a recovering alcoholic, and lost his son. Some of you know that I have a little history there. I found myself crying.....another thing I try not to do. Anyway, at one point, his sponsor just looks at him and says (none too nicely)......"Well congratulations......you've started feeling again."
My mind is spinning. I'm sober. I'm feeling. Things aren't going my way. God probably thinks I'm so insane that He's got to move on to other more promising prospects. I don't think God has abandoned me, though. Now that
is a totally new attitude for my type of thinking. The thing is, I'm just not sure how to do His will for me.
How's that for a pity-party?
Sorry about all the questions.
On a lighter note.....Thanks ya'll for letting me vent. Thanks for being here. And I sure hope that all of you are doing well. Tomorrow will be better for me and I hope that it is a great day for all of ya'll, as well.(That's "hillbilly" speak! ####
Next time I post something, I'll try to keep it a little more happy and joyus! Promise.
Take Care All,