- what made your blood boil in meetings??

what made your blood boil in meetings??




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Postby Jools » Fri Nov 14, 2008 8:24 am

"Funny how we'll hear so many people say that they are or have been people pleasers -- as if it were a bad thing -- when --what happens to us, as a result of taking the Steps -- is that we become People Pleasers!"


That's a really good point. The problem with my people pleasing is that I often hold things in that I should just go ahead and say. For instance, Billy, my barber, is continually wetting peoples hair down and sending them out with wet hair. I've spoken to him twice about this and each time it ended up in an argument. Now, I don't want my shop to be one of those fly by night barber shops hence the reason I want him to take a few extra minutes to dry the guys hair. Besides that, you can't tell if you've done a good haircut or a bad one if it's wet. So, in order to avoid a confrontation, I avoid saying something to him again and I get angry inside when he does it.

I try to avoid confrontations at all costs because I'm afraid someone won't like me. I hold things in to avoid that, and then become angry.

Now, my stuff is not my stuff -- It's God's stuff -- and He just shares it with me and lets me use it. And, instead of "rights" I gave those up for "privileges and opportunities." And, boundaries for me... is just another form of limitation on my living-ness. In My Father's house, and in My Father's world -- there are no limitations because anything and everything is possible. I would rather experience a life of possibility thinking and possibility living. Boundaries... for me... shuts me out of possibility living. I like the Carpenter's idea... that "all things are possible."


I love this...instead of boundaries and rights consider privileges and opportunities. I feel like I have to have boundaries and limitations, otherwise I'm going to allow people to walk all over me. Who knows tho, I still have a long way to go b4 I can even begin to imagine what I need and don't need.

Thanks for sharing, Dallas.

Julie
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Postby Dallas » Fri Nov 14, 2008 3:31 pm

thanx_2hm wrote:I feel like I have to have boundaries and limitations, otherwise I'm going to allow people to walk all over me.


I used to feel that way, too! That was the biggest argument that I provided to the old-timers that were trying to suggest a different way.

They said and asked me: "Think of all the efforts that you've made to protect your boundaries and rights.... Were you able to stop people from walking all over you?"

After I thought about it... other people were still trampling all over my rights and crossing my boundaries! The harder I fought... the bigger the gun that I needed!!!! :lol: When the old ones went away -- new ones came along and replaced them! Like roaches... I just couldn't seem to stop it -- the way I was trying to do it.

Then, I got a new Employer. A new Director. I just made a decision to turn it all over to Him. And, since I've done that... I haven't had to fight anymore. It's His stuff. He protects it just like He provides it. It might be here today and gone tomorrow. There isn't much I can do about that either way.

The other day I was listening to the news on the economy and about how many people are losing their houses and retirement plans. They worked their entire life... working hard, planning, protecting, saving for rainy days, working to fulfill their dreams and build up a nest for the Golden Years.... and, what happened to their Gold? (It's affected my situation, too... but I have no worries about it. God has ALWAYS provided what I've needed... when I'm trying to do and be what He desires).

My house... that's paid off... is His house. My dog is His dog. My Life is His Life. And, in reality... I never had anything that I thought was mine! It was all an illusion of reality that I thought that I controlled.

Now, I don't lose anything. If there is a loss... it's His loss and not mine. If He loses it... it doesn't bother me at all. He's never lost anything... but He has opened a lot of new doors for my todays and tomorrows.

Dallas
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Postby Jools » Tue Nov 18, 2008 1:11 pm

I aint that good yet, Dallas! :wink: Gimme time, gimme time.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 18, 2008 10:23 pm

:lol: :lol:

It took me time... and time and time... and effort, too!

My sponsor reminds me of how slow I grow! :wink:

But, he says it's okay... as long as I'm growing and changing incrementally. He also said he'd be worried about me if I was changing or growing too fast.
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Postby Tim » Sat Nov 22, 2008 7:27 pm

Dallas wrote:Then, I got a new Employer. A new Director. I just made a decision to turn it all over to Him. And, since I've done that... I haven't had to fight anymore. It's His stuff. He protects it just like He provides it. It might be here today and gone tomorrow. There isn't much I can do about that either way.

The other day I was listening to the news on the economy and about how many people are losing their houses and retirement plans. They worked their entire life... working hard, planning, protecting, saving for rainy days, working to fulfill their dreams and build up a nest for the Golden Years.... and, what happened to their Gold? (It's affected my situation, too... but I have no worries about it. God has ALWAYS provided what I've needed... when I'm trying to do and be what He desires).

My house... that's paid off... is His house. My dog is His dog. My Life is His Life. And, in reality... I never had anything that I thought was mine! It was all an illusion of reality that I thought that I controlled.

Now, I don't lose anything. If there is a loss... it's His loss and not mine. If He loses it... it doesn't bother me at all. He's never lost anything... but He has opened a lot of new doors for my todays and tomorrows.

Dallas


Dallas--You're sounding like Chuck C. after he got his new pair of glasses
:wink:
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Postby Dallas » Sun Nov 23, 2008 5:50 pm

Thanks for the compliment, Tim!!!! :wink:

I spend extra time trying to figure out many of the profound ideas that Chuck C. talked about. And, it's done a lot of good for me to do it! As soon as I could figure them out -- what he meant by what he was saying -- I got busy trying to put it into action. Some of it has taken years for me to do and some of it -- I'm still in the trying to figure out department. :lol:

Dallas
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Postby sunlight » Sun Nov 23, 2008 7:59 pm

Please share who Chuck C is for those of us who don't know (me). :oops:

You've got my interest roused & I bet this is something we could all benefit from. Did he write a book, or do speaker tapes?

Pardon my ignorance, but I'll never know if I don't ask!
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Postby Tim » Mon Nov 24, 2008 1:40 am

Chuck C. , now deceased, wrote a popular book a couple of decades ago titled A New Pair of Glasses. It's an earthy, humorous, plain-spoken book with Chuck's individual perspective on 12-Step sobriety. I read it and found it a helpful book.
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Postby sunlight » Mon Nov 24, 2008 10:45 am

Thank you! I will check it out. What is Chuck's last name?
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Postby Dallas » Tue Nov 25, 2008 12:55 am

His last name was Chamberlain.

The book "A new pair of glasses" came about right after Chuck C. died.

The book is a written translation of what he said at a men's retreat in Pala Mesa (Southern California).

The talks that made up the book are online and available for download.

If you're interested -- I'll send you a PM with a link to the talks. (I can't post the link here in the forum).

Recently, a friend gave me a copy of the first retreat that Chuck C. did in 1963. He was 17 years sober then! And, hiis understanding was the same.

Chuck C., along with other AA old-timers gave testimoney before the United States Congress in regards to an inquiry by the Gov. if it should get involved with AA and make funds available to AA for hospitals, treatment centers, and a government funded effort for national programs to treat alcoholics and addicts.

Chuck and the old-timers assured Congress that money from the government or any other outside sources would surely cause us to fail and might even send us all back to the barrooms and bottles! :lol:

Chuck C. was a much loved Old-timer that did a lot of speaking. I've read accounts and seen photos... that indicated that there were more people in attendance at Chuck C.'s funeral than there were at Bill W.'s. (One reason may have been because Bill died in 1971 and Chuck died in November 1984... and there were more people in AA at the time).

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