Phone calls and sobriety

[Jools]

Good morning y'all,

As I mentioned in another post, my sponsor suggested I call 3 women in the program every day.

Could you share your experience with calling others in the program and how it was beneficial to you. And also, what do you suggest to your sponsees when it comes to phone calls?

Thanx,
Julie

[garden variety]

Hiya Jewel,

The same thing was suggested to me, too - that I call 3 women in the prgram every day! And I always follow that suggestion!

OK, but seriously. I learned to make phone calls to 4 guys from my home group every day, one of them being my sponsor. I used to do that more "religiously" than I do today. But this is what has formed my support group. There are 4 guys that hear from me "almost" every day, and they pretty much know enough about me, and the way I work the recovery program, that if I start wandering toward picking up a drink, they will bring it to my attention. Phone calls are all about "accountability" which is the spiritual principle behond step 5.

I also call one of my protege's on a regular basis. I do emails with some of you. I have a best buddy or "running buddy", and we talk about things that we sometimes don't talk about with our support groups. You know those "controversial" things - also we talk about our "aventures" in relationships. We whine and moan about stupid things that our support groups would probably just laugh or say something smart-@ssed. Really, we are like best friends.

For me, talking to other human beings with our "common problem" is very helpful, and it's become a habit that works to keep me sober.

[sunlight]

So glad you're back with us, Julie!

When I was new, they were always talking about that 500 pound phone, & I wondered if it was cuz you had to talk about heavy things.
I went to a lot of meetings & talked to women there, then got a phone list.
So when I felt the sky was raining tequila, there was a face to put with a name, who kind of knew how loony I was.

I don't really like talking on the phone, but if that's the only way to connect with another alcoholic today, I'm dialing!
If I'm stuck, I get a fresh perspective. If I'm sad, I get told "this, too, shall pass." If I'm flying too high, I get a reality check.

Called my sponsor the other day & was telling her about this experience I had, where I was walking past this bush and... she interrupts, "Was it burning, Sunlight?"

Most alcoholics I know are happy to talk to another alcoholic. And we can relate & get to the heart of things in a flash.

Each sponsee is different. So, phone calls vary with the woman. Some really need a friend or help with the program. Others are clingy & confused. I am mostly open to phone calls anytime, but sometimes I have to draw the line.
One woman got my work # & would call me in work crying about what someone SAID to her.
Another would call me 3 x a day to talk about her inner child! Please!

Central office is a good place to call to talk to women in the program. And, after hours there usually is a "night watch" type program.

It can't hurt anything and you might even enjoy some of the conversations! The butt you save may be your own!

Love you, Sun

[sunlight]

OK, I'm double dipping with sprinkles on top!

Julie wrote:

My life is good now,I'm not hurting anymore, I'm not jonesing for a drink, and sponsors suck.

I resemble that remark! And it was on my mind this morning.

It reminded me of the time the doctor had me take antibiotics for a sinus infection. He stressed that it was important for me to finish taking the medication, even if I began to feel better. If I didn't finish taking them, the weaker bacteria would get killed, but the stronger bacteria would get even stronger & I'd get even sicker & it would be harder to get well again.

For me, the steps are like that. Afer taking a few, I may feel better & think I don't need to finish them! But, I've seen it happen time & time again where an alcoholic does this & it seems the spiritual sickness gets even stronger.

Then, it results in relapse, or a miserable state of existance, isolation, bondage or there's squirrels, gorillas or committies of Klingons living in my head, rent free & they're trashing the place!

I think sponsors mostly want to help. You could look at the phone calls you've been asked to make as an adventure! Ask the things you always wanted to know: How do I begin to trust? Why bother with these steps? What about that Kenya AA coffee? How many lightbulbs does it take to change an alcoholic?

Have a beautiful day.

[GeoffS]

Hi all,

I learned from my sponsor and home group the importance of staying current with someone in AA. We all call our sponsors pretty much every day and I encourage my sponsees to do likewise.

There is not always a major conversation to be had, sometimes just checking in with another alcoholic reminds us of the fact of what we are and what we need to do on a daily basis. Also it is nice to get calls and and to be available as others were for me.

Most importantly making and taking calls, however unimportant the chat helps keeps me sober today.

When I do this every day even when its all good, it makes me more likely to call for help if things are not so good.

[Dallas]

When I was new in AA it was suggested that I call other AA members.

I thought that it would make me look weak... to be reaching out for help... so my Head wouldn't let me make the calls.

Naturally, following the direction of my Head -- my life started to suck big time.

I had to find ways that I could change -- even when I didn't "want" to do the things that would help me change...

So... I started calling Old-Timers, and leaving a message similar to:
"Hello Tom, this is Dallas, the new guy... Just calling you to let you know I was thinking about you and hoping that you're having a good day. If there is anything I can do to help you -- give me a call."

I rapidly learned that not many people call the Old-Timers to wish them well... and to hope that they are okay... and to offer them help if they need or want it... and to let them know that someone was thinking about them.

The way it benefited me: It was a way that I could do something for myself that previously I hadn't been able to do for myself. It was like using Martial Arts on my Ego.

I made a lot of friends and built a strong support group -- by trying to support them -- rather than asking them to support me.

It got me out of my head -- so that I could take the actions that were suggested for me.

I suggest it for anyone -- new people or Old-Timers. Sometimes, it's the Old-Timers that will start isolating more than the newcomers will... they get in danger zones and convince themselves that "everything is okay" when it isn't.

I kind of figured that if it was good for me when I was new... if I keep doing it... if I ever make it to Old-Timer... I should keep doing what got me from where I was to where I wanted to be.

Dallas