- God is doing for me..

God is doing for me..




Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment

God is doing for me..

Postby Jools » Tue Feb 10, 2009 1:19 pm

..what I cannot do for myself.

I had a rough couple of days last week. Friday I had Trey run an errand for me in my brand new car (first mistake) and an hour after he left a policeman called me and told me they had him pulled over at the mall for smoking pot in the car. I immediately left work and went over there. The officer told me that he found a box of baggies, some remnants of pot, but not enough to charge him with. He also told me that if he HAD found pot on him he would have impounded my car and I wouldn't get it back. He also told me that every time I get pulled over now that incident would come up with my license plate. Joy. I left him and his two friends at the mall to find their own way home.

This was all brought on because I wanted to trust my son. He says all the right things and then turns right around and screws me over. It never fails. I guess this is one of those things where I keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. :roll:

I refuse to have any contact with him now. I just can't do it anymore. Not only because I can't trust him, but also because I can't trust ME as far as he's concerned. Time to let go and let God.

Then on Saturday my male rottie bit the cable guy. On the way to the doctors office I was crying so hard, feeling so weary and so sick of trying. I honestly wanted to drink and even thought after I leave I'm going to Ruby Tuesdays and get blasted on Lemon Drops. I called three people on the way there but no one picked up.

Thats where I prayed, I just cried and prayed...please God help me. I didn't drink. Sometimes the only defense against that first drink is God or however that goes.

This morning I was in my bed crying, tired of waking up every single morning with that feeling of impending doom, like the whole world is going to crash in on me. I prayed, tears streaming down my face asking God, why???? Why can't I be happy, why do I wake up every day feeling like this and begged Him to help me. Help me to be happy, fill me with His spirit, etc.
I got to work and this lady came by that I knew from a former church I went to and said that God placed it on her heart to come see me today and He said to tell me that everything is going to be ok. He said that He has me in the palms of His hands, stop worrying.

I don't believe that was a coincidence and I'm so glad to know that God truly does hear me.

Thanks for listening.

Julie
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Postby garden variety » Tue Feb 10, 2009 5:27 pm

Hi girl.

I think I understand what you are talking about (I wonder why? :wink: )

I see a pattern here. One that repeats itself.

"It never fails."

You can always "let go and let God". But unless I know what I'm letting go of, I won't know what I'm letting God do for me. What I see causing the most harm to you, Julie, is the thing that you're not letting go of. And that is who you see in the mirror, and how you see her, and what you feel about her.

You deserve to experience love for your son. But love isn't a feeling. Love isn't hope that I'm going to land on the net when I take a jump. Love is an action - a conscious choice - a decision.

If I love my son, I'm not going to allow him to put himself into a position of getting arrested. He can schmooze me until the cows come home, but what I know is that he gets high frequently. If I let him borrow my new car, I'm not giving him the message that I love you and I think I can trust you with your sobriety.

The message he gets from me is you can use my new car to get high in if you go pick up a gallon of milk for me. I'm putting him in the postition of getting arrested. So my choice has to be an unrelenting NO. I NEVER lend my son my car. Never. Why? Because I love him. But also because I love me.

When I start to love myself is when I develop self-control and discipline. I know how good it would FEEL to let my son use my car, and have him come home safe and sober. There is the trouble: I confused my "feelings" with the constructive action of loving. Discipline leads me to self-love because it keeps me from being a slave to my feelings. I can't love myself if I am a slave to something that brings me harm. What I learn to do is the same thing every day and every time, over and over again, with my feelings until it becomes an ingrained habit that I no longer have to "think" before acting.

Then one fine day my feelings say "Aw shucks dad - let the boy have the car once, he'll bring it back in one piece". I shake my head and laugh. Maybe I say out loud "Sorry - you won't be my master today".

Now let's change up the scenario just a little bit.

I'm driving down a country road around lunchtime, and I stop at a local tavern that has a reputation for excellent hamburgers, like say the "Harry Buffalo". I'm hungry, and order up a big burger and fries, and a coke.

My feelings might say "Hey dude, you been sober ten years. Try a little rum in your coke today. It'll never hurt you now that you've got this alcoholism licked."

Discipline. If I love myself, I'll take the same constructive actions every day that remind me that I love myself. The constructive actions will become constructive behavior. My constructive behavior will define my character. I'll intuitively know how to handle things which used to baffle me.

What do you think means more to me:

Hearing "Go ahead - indulge yourself. You deserve it" coming from within my mind?

or hearing this: "Your son is always bragging about how long you've been sober" from my son's girlfriend's dad who has 21 years of sobriety.
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Postby Jools » Tue Feb 10, 2009 9:50 pm

Thanks for your reply, GV.

I don't understand this.............

You can always "let go and let God". But unless I know what I'm letting go of, I won't know what I'm letting God do for me. What I see causing the most harm to you, Julie, is the thing that you're not letting go of. And that is who you see in the mirror, and how you see her, and what you feel about her.


Please explain that to me.

Julie
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Postby Jools » Wed Feb 11, 2009 1:15 pm

Never mind, Paul, after I read this again today I understand what you're talking about. Sometimes it takes a while for things to sink in. :wink:

The Harry Buffalo??? :lol:

I read something Dallas previously wrote that reminded me of some constructive action I can take to change that thinking going on up inside the ole noggin'.

I used to suffer from severe depression, also. I had numerous offers and opportunities to find an easier softer way to deal with it -- and it was revealed to me at a time of great pain and crisis in "the more will be revealed" part of Step 12, how I could use the 12 Steps and a spiritual tool-kit to deal with it.

The quality of my life is the result of the thoughts that I think and the things that I say to my self. Self talk. Since I can't stop talking to myself I have to take actions to add to and to change what I'm saying to myself. It takes a program of action, discipline and effort. And, the results are almost euphoric.

To daily get my head "rocketed into a fourth diminsion" and to keep there more often than it isn't there -- is the solution for me. And, it does work.

I can't change my thinking by thinking about changing my thinking -- but I can take actions that will change my thoughts -- and the continually changing thoughts results in changed thinking. And, when my thinking is changed -- I'm no longer saying depressing things to myself.

That sounds like a big order, but I'm willing to do what I need to so I can be happily sober. I mean, really, who WANTS to feel like crap and be depressed?

Julie
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Postby garden variety » Wed Feb 11, 2009 5:05 pm

Hey.

That is good stuff Dallas posted. It becomes a simple process of "discipline". I say things out loud and to myself that are positive. Somehow, my actions then start moving in the positive direction. Then it becomes intuitive.

What I was saying about "letting go and letting God" has to do with "acceptance" versus "resignation". In any situation, there might be things that I can do for myself; I don't think God will do those things for me. So if I take one big situation, like yours with Trey, there are things you can do for yourself, and other things that God will do that you can't. If I throw the whole "enchilada" at God, then I'm not "accepting" but "resigning". Then it won't matter what God does because there would still be more for me to do.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Feb 11, 2009 7:31 pm

Julie wrote:I guess this is one of those things where I keep doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.


I understand! Been there, done that -- bought the tickets, t-shirts and saw the show! :lol:

Most of the time -- I don't know what people mean when they say "Let Go and Let God." It seems to be an individual thing that has a specific meaning to the person that says it and most often, when I ask "what do you mean" -- I get different answers. So, I gave up trying to figure it out! :wink:

What I do know for myself, is that every time that I've had huge problems similar to the ones that you expressed -- problems with people in family, relationships, money problems, self problems, crying my eyes out, hurting horriby, and feeling anxiety or depression -- to the point of just wanting to give up -- and I pray to God about it -- I always get the same answers:

1. He will do for me what I can't do for myself -- but, He will not do for me what I must do myself.

2. He has has already given me everything that I need to solve any problem that I have. I don't have to ask Him for something new and additional.

a. He gave me a a life that includes a living body, with a brain, and He expects me to use it.

b. He gave me a free-will to make choices, decisions and the ability to take actions. I am responsible for the choices, decisions and the actions that I take -- and the results that they produce. In other words, "He doesn't do it." I do it and I did.

The results that I have are created by me -- as a result of the choices, decisions and actions that I have made. If I don't like the results -- I have the free-will and the ability to make different choices, decisions and actions.

c. He has already provided me with the tools to solve my problems. Before I was aware of the tools -- it was my responsibility to search for them so that I could use them.

d. He has provided me with people -- that can help me. But, I have to search out, reach out and to ask them. Sometimes, I don't know who those people are -- so, I ask Him to guide me to those that can answer my questions, and to help me to do what I must do.

e. I learned that if I have money problems -- it's up to me to solve them. If I have relationship problems -- it's up to me to take care of it. If I have mental and emotional problems -- it's up to me to take the actions that will lead me to the solutions that will fix those problems.

f. When I've done all that I can do and know to do, I ask Him to help guide me to learn and discover what it is that I don't know how to do. And, I thank Him for the peace of mind in knowing that if I'm doing all that I must do -- He has already done what I can't do.

I also learned that my entire life -- my body, my health -- good and bad, my emotions, good and bad, and my entire experience of living the life that He's already given me -- has a direct relationship to the thoughts that I think. Therefore, if I change my thoughts -- it will automatically begin to change my life.

God does love you. And, so do I.

Dallas
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Postby sunlight » Wed Feb 11, 2009 10:24 pm

Hi Julie :D

My computer is having weirdness issues, so I hope to get this posted before it flips out again. :x

You KNOW that I understand about son stuff. It took a lot of step work (1,2,3 ) to get to a place where I could even start to apply the principles of the program to the scenario. But, I knew it was going to be a never-ending story if I didn't, so I persevered. Plus, I talked to a lot of AA's. When I hear my own words about what I'm doing I am more able to see the insanity of my behavior. Also took it to meetings & let's not forget my lovely sponsor, who had me most recently write about it, & she's not a "writing" sponsor!

Then, I put in it my "God bag". This is a bag (some use a box) that is beautiful, green velvet with a drawstring & anything that I find myself obsessing over, I write it on a slip of paper & put it in the bag. I've done everything I can on my part, & now it's in God's hands. It's a symbolic gesture of "letting go".
I remember emptying it once & looking at all the slips of paper & I was amazed that each one had been resolved! :shock: (though not always in the way I thought)

Then, yep there's more, I do the things that help me get the focus off myself & onto life & living & loving & giving. You can get really creative with this & it's great fun.

At the gas station this morn, I saw the "self-service" sign & it reminded me that I,also, am one of God's little ones & I need to take care of myself too, so I can be of use to others. That means forgiving myself, letting mistakes remain in the past & nourishing my spirit with good thoughts, good words, & good deeds.

Much love, sunlight :wink:
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Postby garden variety » Thu Feb 12, 2009 9:10 am

Wow Dallas...

Nice ABC's!

I agree with you on what you posted. Excellent job! I know that every single solution I need will come through creation itself ("the world"), through another human being, or through inspiration. Which is pretty much what you said.

I start looking which really is that spiritual tool of "seeking" from the 11th step. Everything is here - I just need to find it. Then when I'm having trouble finding it, I realize that maybe something is blocking "the sunlight" like self-will, or maybe that's when I ask God to do for me what I can't seem to do and that is help point me where to look for the solution I know is already there.

I think the beauty of sobriety is that I know I can always ask for help whenever I'm unsure - especially about my own thinking - or if I'm having trouble finding something. I also believe if I'm working my hardest to serve God and my fellows, and I'm having trouble, God as I understand Him will help me find my need wherever it is. I get that by turning my will and my life over to His care and DIRECTION which is how the 3rd step was originally written. That is brought out in pages 83-86 - all I need to do is ask Him to direct my thinking and "especially" ask Him to divorce from thinking things like self-pity, dishonesty, and self-seeking motives.

I also understand that in my first six months of sobriety, I don't think I could have trusted anything that came from my "thinking". That's different today. Sobriety is a process and achievement that comes to me through striving, but it's also a relationship which I build. I LOVE SOBRIETY today. But it sure wasn't always like that.
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Postby Dallas » Fri Feb 13, 2009 6:03 am

Thanks, Paul. I appreciate you!

For me, I'm often reminded... of a principle called "waiting!" :lol:

I want it now! And, sometimes, it's like gardening. I can plant a seed in a fertile and well-worked garden... and work real hard at it... and it's not going to bloom in a few hours or a few days! I've got to wait until beans become beans -- and peaches become peaches!

I was making lunch for my nephew last week -- and as I was making the guacomole -- he said "You know that you can get those seeds started and plant them and have your own avacodo trees here -- like we had in California, don't you?"

I replied "Yep! I sure do! But, I also know that after the tree starts growing -- it'll be seven years before it will give me avocodos! I don't want to wait that long!" :lol: :lol:

Moral of the story??? (If there is one... ) I can have all the things I want some of the time -- and some of the things I want all the time... when I'm willing to work for it --- and wait! :lol:

One of my biggest problems that I had to overcome -- was placing unrealistic expectations on myself. :wink: When I want progress for myself -- I want it last week! And, I'd judge myself and get tough on myself for not having achieved near-to-perfection from my efforts!!!

Naturally, that kind of self-beating sure didn't help in the progress of trying to improve on my self-esteem!!! :lol: :lol:

Thank God, for sponsors... for friends... for fellowship... and for the strangers, too!!!

Help always arrives... it just doesn't always arrive from where I think it will come from -- and when I think it should come!

My sponsor and friends were always telling me "You need to stop being so tough on yourself!"

Dallas
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Postby Jools » Tue Feb 24, 2009 7:06 pm

I appreciate all of y'll!!

Sorry I haven't been around lately, just didn't feel like recovery. I know that sounds weird, but I'm a weird kinda gal. ;)

Anyway, I appreciate the experience and wisdom you share with me.

Take care,
Julie
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