Hey MarkyB! Happy birthday!!! Great to hear from you!
I hope your second year is much better than mine was!!! I was told that I was going through the "terrible twos!"
Of course, it was no laughing and joking matter to me at the time, because my life was actually coming apart at the seems and my fabric was rapidly unraveling!
M wrote:I still go to meetings, do my service and always help the newcomer inside and out of the rooms but i dont feel comfortable and certaily am not happy/joyous and free and certainly dont wanna be drunk without the drink so please help....... M
Ahhh!!!! Been there, and done that... and I understand!!!
For me, what my problem was... I was involved with a bunch of activity... but not a bunch of action!
Here's what I mean... I heard my sponsor talking about it once in a speaker meeting where he was speaking... He was explaining the difference of activity and action. He said it was real easy to get involved in all kinds of AA activities, and be real busy at it -- and expect that it was going to fix us -- and it wouldn't! He said "Activity and action are not the same! You must take actions -- on your own life. You must take the actions to apply the principles of recovery to yourself! Activity is great, but it won't do the job that you need to be doing on you!"
What I understood that to mean was: I've got to be as busy... and actually even busier... taking the actions that will develop discipline and structure and well-being. I've got to be taking the actions that will cause my own life to recover, and then to become more efficient, and actually begin making personal progress in my life.
For me, the major way that I do that is: The 12 Steps. But, that's not all. I need to be working. Having a job. Creating and re-creating my life. Taking classes. Learning. Reading. Exercising. Eating right, sleeping right -- and doing the same kinds of things that regular healthy folks do -- to achieve more of what they want, and less of what they don't want, in their lives.
All of these things, for me, add up to having a healthy positive self-esteem, and genuine self-worth.
We all need love. To love and to be loved. We need to feel that we are of worth to others and of worth to ourselves. We need to feel that we are responsible -- and for others to consider us as responsible.
Sometimes, we can become so spiritual -- that we forget that we have psychological needs. We're humans. Spiritual. Physical. Mental. Emotional.
Where I always start -- when I slide out of shape -- is making a list of my actions. What am I doing??? What am I not doing???
Then, I would take off on another journey through the 12 Steps again -- and this time, I would keep at it... daily.
I discovered, that I have a tendency to get lazy. To get undisciplined. To let the structure in my life fall apart.... and, later... down the road... suddenly become aware that "Oh crap! Me and My life is all screwed up!" (Again)!!!
I wish you the best! And, you'll get through this time just fine... as long as you take actions on your awareness. You'll then come out on the other side -- being really happy and grateful for the slump that you've experienced!!! It will help to keep you moving forward and making great progress in your life!