I've been thinking with some concern about this original topic of "Addicts in AA"... for the last few days.
I do hope that if an addict stumbles through here -- that they don't get the idea that they are not welcome in A.A.
I guess the reason I've been thinking about it with concern is: When I was new to A.A. I didn't know what the heck I was! And, I actually believed that if I was anything... I was probably "more addict" than I was alcoholic!
I wonder if this is because "alcoholism is a condition that tells the alcoholic that he doesn't have it"... or, if I was just so much in the fog about everything and didn't know what an alcoholic was!
I was a kid of the 60's. I grew up as a kid roaming the streets of L.A. and Hollywood... Hippie times... lots of drugs... and it was cool (by peer group standards) to do all the drugs that we could. And, many of my Rock Star Heros were addicts... so it was something to aspire to be!
Of course... among my types of Heros... their were many alcoholics... and it was something that a troubled kid like me... had a desire to aspire to also. It was about getting attention. Having some sort of social status. Standing out from the crowd... Being unique, different and cool... As long as I wasn't the kind of alcoholic that was just a regular street drunk, or park bench sitter... being dirty, smelly, and having a brown paper bag over my can or bottle.
I loved anything that made me feel different. And, used anything that would make me feel different, or feel better than I felt... because without anything... I felt like crap! And, worthless crap at that!
When I decided that it was in my best interest to "accept and admit that I was alcoholic" (because I was, by then, convinced I was alcoholic)... I had already failed my first attempt at AA. And, I was willing to admit and accept ANYTHING... as long as it would help me at least "possibly" achieve sobriety... and to maintain it.
I knew other alcoholics in AA that had problems with drugs also, like I did. And, they decided to be alcoholics in AA... and use AA to treat all of their addiction problems... and be "totally abstinent from alcohol and all drugs". They didn't deny their previous drug problems... they just didn't talk about it in AA meetings. Fortunately, for me, they would talk about it with me in coffee shop meetings after the AA meetings... and they were able to help me.
Now, I don't think much about it in regards to myself... I know that I'm alcoholic and I'm probably addicted to anything that will change the way I feel... so I don't drink alcohol and I don't use drugs. I just keep it simple, I guess.
So, I guess that's why I've been thinking about this topic for the last few days. I would hate for an alcoholic of my type to come along and end up being confused or feeling unwelcome... to the same program and same Fellowship that saved my ass!