But at this stage in my life no man is going to take sobriety (or anything else) away from me.
PERFECT! You got it, girl! Nobody's got NUTHIN to do with your sobriety. (Double negatives are legal in Texas. Not undoing the first one, the second one is for double-emphasis.
Thanks for sharing your experience. It's important to let us know this stuff.
As I said before, it does work both ways. And newcomers are so vulnerable and afraid to lash out at an AAer thinking it's not "AApropos".
In one meeting, I saw such a thing happen. A guy was doing some girl exactly what you said. She said just loud enough for everyone to hear, "Leave me the hell alone. I am NOT going ANYWHERE with you!"
She was miffed. There IS nothing wrong with righteous anger.
The whole meeting stopped. Everyone stared at the guy. He walked out embarrased. Thank God he kept coming back. But, from then on, he walked much more humbly and never even stood close to a woman again ... in an AA setting, I'm sure. I reckon he got sponsorated.
One can also tell her sponsor (or another well-sober woman) who can "legally" tell his sponsor without "tattling" or "gossiping". But, you're right ... newbies are stiffled by AA decorum. After all, everything is MY Step 4 fault. Right?
Gotta share this:
The day after I jumped into this discussion, I was giving my ex-sponsor-now-best-bud a ride home from group. Great, sensitive guy. Exemplary of AA decorum.
Leaving the parking lot, he said, "MAN, that girl is HOT!" Perfectly alright to me. We were just guys in a car free to be guys.
*I knew her. She'd checked into rehab a week before I was thrown out. Gorgeous tall slender girl with naturally white-blond hair. 6'-2". This is one o'them I've never even shaken her hand or even talked to - afraid of myself. No more than a smile and a passing nod.
One day we ran into each other at the coffee pot. She said, "You've got such nice hair." (Awrite. You started it, darlin'.) Told her "Thanks. It's the only good thing my daddy ever did for me
Had to say something now. So I told the truth. "I gotta tell you. It's SO nice for an old guy to see a tall girl stand up straight, shoulders back. Stately, regal, lovely." I've never talked to her again. See her all the time.*
ANYWAY, back to the guy-car ... So I said to my bud, "Isn't she gorgeous?! She's so graceful. Look how she walks so confident and peaceful. Just lovely. She's a lawyer, ya know." (I pause)
He's doing that tilted-head nod with the knowing expression on his face. He's watching her walk by with different eyes.
I continue, "And she's SO FRIGN HOT!!"
We busted out laughing.
As we're drying our eyes, he said, "Thanks, brother. This stuff is a whole nuther perspective, aint it?
When we got serious, I told him about this discussion. We had a great long AA talk about it.
So, thanks, girls. We need you. You're not our problem. We are. We can only hope we don't become a problem for you. "There is a solution". Let's work it together. K?
Bless your sober hearts.