- Emotional Sobriety

Emotional Sobriety




Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment

Emotional Sobriety

Postby summer74 » Tue Oct 04, 2011 8:06 am

[b]My emotional sobriety is directly connected with my expectations of myself and others. I recently met a sober man and the attraction was instant.
Oh those first 24 hours where amazing! The "high" was short lived.
Guess what? I got a huge resentment because he wasn't making me "feel " the same.
I didn't have his best interest in mind,wrong motives.
I realize I am emotionally a teenager. Yet I was born in the 50's!
I would have never been able to see this without the steps .
I am grateful to be an alcoholic. [/b]
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Postby Ranman99 » Tue Oct 04, 2011 11:04 am

It does blow my mind to continue to persue the path and get a bit of growth at least on a quarterly basis. To know that due to my alcohol malady and to finally be willing to do the work I have more going on than I could have dreamed or planned. Great full.
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Postby Toast » Fri Oct 07, 2011 4:34 pm

They told me at my first meeting i'd have a life beyond my wildest dreams. But i told them 'my dreams were wild enough thank you, i'm here to try and calm them down a bit'. :?

Little did i know what they meant, the longer we're sober the more our ambitions excellerate. At first not drinking and getting a good nights sleep with out waking up with a heart stopping start was enough for me. Now i want to be happy, joyous and free at all times. Things that had eluded me for years but now their here i gonna keep coming so i can hang onto them. :lol:
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Postby Then, and only then » Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:25 pm

As a good Alk, I did not read other's posts. It is still all about me. I will read when it hurts enough. Pain is still the only motivator at 3 years, 7 months and 10 days.

I am looking for complete approval, utter security and perfect romance. Anything short of that, I bitch, morn and hurt myself and others. This ultra sensitivity I have, can be the greatest gift to all humanity. I see a glimpse of that fact time to time. But most of the times, it is major crack and blow up waiting to happen.

I see emotional sobriety as a key to long term sobriety. I must have it if I want to live a long and useful life. I know others in the rooms see it differently. Some said he was just happy not drinking for the last 13 years, and we think too much, too deep, too often. He did mention some of us are still grandiose.

I agree some. He went to jail for unpaid child support, constantly fought with his long term girl friend in program. I dunno, but I do not want what he has.

I do not think I can be happy, joyous and free all the time. It took me more than 3 years to realize that is not the reality, no matter how many 4 and 5 I done, how many drunks I sponsor, 18 meetings a week with full time job. That is not happening. I do have moments of happy, joyous and free feelings. That is not even long enough to be a state.

Contentment, that is what I am after. I am emotionally challenged. That is my state. Restless, irritable and discontent. That is my natural state. Unaided with my own devices. I start from there. Then I look for the connection, one Alk talking to another honestly, then this feeling of it is going to be ok and I am not alone comes. Then the fear slips away. So I face another day without Vodka. About a year and half later, the feeling turns to conviction, then into gratitude, then into faith. I am somewhere between gratitude and faith. I have a feeling my life might be ok after all. It is just a hunch at this point. It is getting stronger though. I feel it.
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Postby Then, and only then » Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:48 pm

Two weeks ago, something very strange happened in the noon meeting. I shared how thankful I am about the friendship I have in the program. I was truly. After the meeting, this old timer with 40 some years came up to me, and said, I guess you don't think of alcoholism as curse any more.

I froze. I thought it is the final blow on God's short handed deck. The joker. The killer card that level everything and everyone touched my life. It was curse. Yet, I received so much, friends, love, understanding, approval, acceptance, freedom from boredom, some excitement, self worthy, honesty, integrity, patience.... Why do I think alcoholism is curse?

If you think it is a gift, wish that on your children. I heard that. And I agreed. I said it a few times in silence. Yet, without this condition, without that admission price, I would never cross the river. I guess it is a gift. I love my sobriety. I love the rooms. I feel the most satisfactory years of my existence lies ahead. I feel it. It is so true.

Do you think this feeling would stay permanently? Only if I see the harvest continuously.
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Postby Ranman99 » Fri Nov 11, 2011 12:04 am

A spiritual awakening is a gift. Often what was required to bring about that degree of surrender we would not wish on our worst enemy :roll:
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Postby Toast » Fri Nov 11, 2011 1:02 pm

To keep this gift we have to give it away.

And if i do tomorrow what i done today there's no reason why it should not be a God inspired day. :D

Soberiety means i no longer 'postpone' my own life. None of us knows how long we've got left so if i dont start it today when is it going to get done? :?

For people who are ' restless, irratible and discontent' life is all paranoia until it happens. When sober we have the power to go out and make it happen. And not just for us but also for others who are needing a helping hand. Just like the guy who said alcoholism is no longer a curse. What a difference that statement has made to so many lives including mine. 8)

Once AA has allowed us to see our truth we have to get out there and speak it or its no good to anyone, not even us! :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Fri Nov 11, 2011 2:58 pm

They wouldn't give me a Spiritual Awakening. I had to work hard for it. :lol:

Instead, I got the gift of desperation.... and that forced me into surrender, so that I could either work my butt off for the spiritual awakening... or go back and try to enjoy the gift of desperation. :lol:

Did I ever mention... I'm highly sensitive to pain? :lol: Not physical pain... the mental and emotional anguish kind of pain.

Justice would be getting what I deserved... the desperation and pain. Instead, I got an Option... for something different... and that, I call Mercy.

Thanks for sharing guys! I miss you and I appreciate you!

Dallas
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Postby Ranman99 » Fri Nov 11, 2011 6:18 pm

Can anyone show me a better experience of grace than what I see here? I doubt it. :lol:
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Postby Dallas » Fri Nov 11, 2011 8:11 pm

I can't. :lol:

I get a new Grace Period each 24 hrs. I either pay my daily dues -- just like the rent on a motel room -- or my benefits get rescinded and my sobriety key stops working. I can't afford to get locked out -- again! :-)
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