However, as we continue to get well-er and well-er ... and the other person seems to become more fragmented... it becomes very difficult and a complex juggling act ... to try to remain sane... let alone, to experience deep levels of peace of mind, serenity, happiness and joy.
It becomes like a prisoner -- with one of those huge balls chained to their leg.
We realize that we MUST keep our sobriety FIRST... or we lose everything. Then, we realize that we might have to give up some of the "everything" in order to keep our sobriety... and we have to consider "IF I remain willing to go to ANY lengths ... to stay sober, and to be happy, joyous and free" how far are those lengths?
Maybe, it's during these times, that it really is a wise idea to seek some professional help with the situation. So, that we can find out: "what is normal? what is healthy for me? and, whats the best, for us?"
This was my EXACT experience from a relationship I recently ended. It helped me to get outside help because I was losing my serenity, patience and nearly my sanity!
Toast, I needed help to know what was normal as I kept trying to "look at my part" over and over again.
I was eventually able to see that I was dealing with a sick person and even though they were in AA, they just were not willing to get honest enough to get healthier. I saw that my part was being in denial- not trusting what was right in front of me.
In my case, I saw that the denial had EVERYTHING to do with the fact of fearing losing what I wanted. I wanted that relationship bad enough to lie to myself over and over again. I THOUGHT I needed it to feel whole (oopsâ€¦thatâ€™s my HP job???!!!).
The prayer that worked for me (along with outside help, sponsorship and service) was "God, please make me willing to do your will in this relationship."
My original prayer was "God, if this is for me let it work and flourish. If not, make it clear and take it away." This did not work because of my own self will being strong enough to hold on and see what I wanted to see. I clearly was given MANY 'signs.' LOL!
Emotions and relationships...tough. This was the stuff I drank over....but guess what? I did not have to drink over it and neither do you. You do not have to do this alone. Many people have walked through such relationships. Be honest. Reach out. Be willing to put yourself (which of course includes your sobriety) first. You ARE worth it! How do I know that? Something kept you alive while you were out there drinking. Something got you sober. Something has you on this forum getting help