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Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment
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Ladies only

Postby 918gma » Thu Dec 22, 2005 2:53 am

OK Girls Grandma is at her wits end. I need help. I tried the generic way where I didn't get technical, but I can't get my point across. Maybe I'm just being stubborn I don't know. It's Kay. As you know she is my handicapped daughter. She suffers from the same problems all of us have gone through over the years of child rearing. She just isn't rearing children thank my HP. Which brings me to my problem. Several months ago a doctor put her on a vitamin regiment that seemed to be working fairly well. Well things were going good and I missed a follow up appointment. Sure enough about fourth months ago things started getting a little worse each month. In the mean time my health goes to hell and I get smacked in the hospital with all kinds of wonderful things going on. Then the big tidal wave hits about two days ago. We are talking violent episode. She attacked my grandson, and my son. Got good and bruised up in the process and I have been on pins and needles keeping her calm and quiet. Couldn't get to go with me to the Doc's, total shut down. (Keep in mind Kay has a mentality of about a 5 year old). I am praying my self silly trying to get some help or ideas or some thing. Where am I going wrong with this. According to the Serenity pray, Kay is some thing I can not change, yet I am Mom. That comes with certain responsibilities, like keeping her from killing some one. Turning things over to my Hp in hopes of getting the answers I need but still nothing. Am I missing some thing.

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Postby JR » Fri Dec 30, 2005 12:45 am

I have been in a similar circumstance when my 14 year old stepson, Doug, was hit by a car in 1991. He received a severe closed head injury. My ex-husband and I had custody of him and his older brother. Doug spent 5 months in the hospital, 2 in a coma and 3 in rehab. When he got out he had to go to therapy 4 days a week (physical, speech, occupational). Doug's father rarely participated in his therapy and rehab so I was the only one doing everything. By the time Doug was 18 I was exhausted, depressed and numb. I had 12 or so years of sobriety when Doug was 18 and I can tell you an AA program helps you through these things however, AA doesn't turn you into a professional caretaker.

Doug currently resides in a 4 bedroom home in a very nice neighborhood. There is a staff of 5 that cares for the 3 men living in the home. Doug will be there for the rest of his life. When he was injured he lost the functions found in the frontal lobe (judgment, inhibitions and the like). I know for a fact that I am not capable of a lifetime of caretaking and it is my firm belief that few people are.

I believe Doug is much better off with professional caretakers. I believe anyone with the severe symptoms you describe in Kay require professional care especially when you are talking about the safety of Kay and others, not to mention your own physical and mental health. I have already told you this in a PM before and I know that guilt and feelings of extreme responsibility prevent you from considering another choice. I hope that you will seek counsel on this subject and perhaps you will find that many people who care for their loved ones every bit as much as you, find they must turn them over to professional caretakers.

Regarding sobriety, you must ask yourself the difficult questions and seek quidance from your sponsor in this matter. I can only share my experience, strength and hope with you. My experience is that I know my limitations. I know I am not capable of properly caring for somebody for the rest of my life. I must be honest with myself about my capabilities and limitations when I am dealing with the care of another human being no matter how difficult these revelations may be. God is my strength. My hope is that the right answers will come if I listen and that the right people and circumstances will appear as they frequently have.

My prayers and thoughts and hopes are with you, 9G, and I hope I have not offended you as I have only the best intentions.

Love ya,


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Postby Dallas » Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:35 am

I wish this wasn't for ladies only. I couldn't help stick my nose in and look around. I hope that I'm not out of place. If I am, please let me know so that I can make amends and take corrective actions for the future.

JR, I wish I would have had your experience, strength and hope to draw on when I started taking care of my mom. What started out as a six month deal, turned into 13 years.

I didn't have the same sponsor that I have now when I started being my mom's caregiver... so, I had already taken on a committment, that my future sponsor let me sit with until "I became willing to talk about the down side of what I was going through" with him. Finally, when I started reaching the "jumping off place" in regards to the situation... I sought suggestions and directions.

I relate you to 9' about having the big red S on the chest... but my head has a tendency to really believe that I have Super Man capabilities, instead of just being a simple Sober Man!!! Sometimes, I guess I have to make decisions that turn out in ways, so that Life can remind me that I'm not-God.

Thanks to both of you, JR and 9'... for letting me read the posts. Your messages have helped me tremendously.


Rusty Zipper
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Fri Dec 30, 2005 3:37 pm

shame on you Dallas...ut-uh... i saw your name , and had ta take'o look'y...your all in my prayers... xo, and bless Rusty

Site Admin
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Postby Dallas » Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:09 pm

Mental slips and blackouts in AA!

Hey Zip, on Friday nights we do a meeting with teens. I was sharing and out slips "When I was a little girl.... I mean..." :lol: I'm sure NO ONE identifies with that kind of slip! We all... including me, almost feel out of our chairs laughing!


P.S. Sorry ladies. BTW: Ladies, I could set up a "Ladies Only Section" to the forum, you girls could moderate it, and keep us nosies out! Let me know if you want it.

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