Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment
in my early recovery, a old friend said to me PC, ya gots a fire under ya ass like i havn't seen in years... well my friends. the holidays, sloth, my own selfish-ness, some relationship chitz, and the whatevers, i was start'n to loose that fire. and a couple of you noticed it, and called me on it, and for that, i'm truly gratefull... the start of the year of New found the Fire back... i said enough of the dreaded me's... up'd da meets, a old sponsee ### The Intilect #### is back, gots elected Sat. night chair at The Panal of Experts, and even started a Came to Believe meets... last night a future PC jr. gave this to me, and i would like to share it... its called " Hello Old Friend"... Iv'e come once again. I live to see you suffer; mentaly, physicaly, spiritualy and socialy. I want to make you restless so you can never relax. I want you to be jumpy, nervous and anxious. I want to make you sgitated and irrritable so everything; and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be confused and depressed so you cant think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody. Especialy yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the things you've done in the past that you'll never be able to let go. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and to blame everything but your addictions for the wat things are. I want you to be decietful and untrustworthy and to manipulate and con as many people for no reason at all. I want you to wake up at all hours of the night and scream for me. you know you cant sleep ithout me. I am even in your dreams. I want to be the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning and the last thing you touch before you blackout, or passout. I would rather kill you. But i'll be happy enough to put you back in the hospital, institutions, or jail. But you know? I'll stil be there waiting for you when you get out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical dammage that i'm causing you. I cant help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake; when you freeze and sweat at the same time; and when you wake up with the sheets and blankets soaking wet. Its amazing how much destruction i can do to your internal organs, while at the same time i work on your brain destroying it at the same time, bit, by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you've sacrificed for me; the counless good jobs; all the fine friends that you deeply cared for and you gave up for me; and whats more for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions. For these, i am truly grateful. Bue especially for your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you... you even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitude i have for the loyalty and respect you have for me. But do not despair, my friend, for on me you can always depend!!! For after you have lost all these things, you can stil depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in a living hell; to keep your mind, body and soul; for i will not be satisfied until you are dead, my dear friend... My name is Addiction!.... well there ya's have it... this realy hit home for me, and it's now my keep'n it Green Machine for me... for today, I Gots Da Fire... bless, ya all, xo PC
- Posts: 371
- Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 11:19 pm
- Location: My Room in CT.
Wow. That's putting things in perspective. Thanks for sharing it.
- Posts: 285
- Joined: Fri Jul 29, 2005 4:25 pm
- Location: Arizona
I live to see you happy, joyous and free. I love it when you begin to love yourself and thus take care
of your physical, mental and spiritual health. I want you to be at peace. I want you to have a
happy and purposeful life. I want you to be restored to your right mind. I want you to know that all
your needs will be met, that you can face life successfully. I want you to lose your fears of today,
tomorrow and the hereafter. You will be reborn.
I want you to learn tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even your enemies. You will feel
God's presence. You will be able to look the world in the eye. You will be able to be alone and at
perfect peace and ease. Your fears will fall from you. You will feel the nearness of your Creator.
You will have a spiritual experience. You will feel you are on the Broad Highway, walking hand in
hand with the Spirit of the Universe. You will abandon limited objectives and move toward God's
will for you.
You will see failure and misery transformed by humility into priceless assets. You will have an
admission into a new life. Your attitude toward God will change. Your pain will be healed. You
will begin to be less isolated from your fellows and from God.
You are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. You will not regret the past nor wish
to shut the door on it. You will comprehend the word serenity and you will know peace. No matter
how far down the scale you have gone, you will see how your experience can benefit others. You will
feel useful. Self-pity will disappear. You will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest
in your fellows. Your whole attitude and outlook on life will change. Fear of people and ecomomic
insecurity will leave you. You will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle
you. You will realize that God is doing for you what you could not do for yourself.
You will cease fighting anything or anyone--even alcohol. Sanity will return. You will
seldom be interested in alcohol. If tempted you will recoil as if from a hot flame.
You will feel the Flow of Gods Spirit in you. You will become God-conscious. You will develop
a spiritual sixth-sense. What used to be the occasional inspiration will become a working part of
the mind. You will be in much less danger of excitement, fear, anger, worry, self-pity, or foolish
decisions. You will become more efficient. You will not tire so easily. The drink obsession will
be expelled from you and you will become happily and usefully whole.
You will no longer strive to dominate or rule those about you. You will no longer seek fame,honor
and praise. You will be humbly grateful and exert yourself more in a spirit of love and service.
You will be a true leader. You will discover that love freely given surely brings a full return.
You will no longer be isolated and alone in a self-constructed prison. You will know that you
fit and belong in God's scheme of things. You will desire to live usefully and walk humbly under
the Grace of God. You will have a spiritual awakening.
This is just a small glimpse of what I have to offer. Abandon yourself to God as you understand
God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give
freely of what you find. You shall have many brothers in the Fellowship of the Spirit and you shall
surely meet some of them as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you until
I am Sobriety.
- Posts: 132
- Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 4:24 am
- Location: Pacific Northwest
My name is Anne, I am an alcoholic/addict,
This is the kind-a stuff I need to hear. I read in As Bill Sees It, pg 54, & what jumped out at me is where it talks 'bout defective relations. An alcoholic/addict trying incessantly to clean up 'n fly right absolutely can not while living with another who is actively using & drinking. If nothing changes-nothing changes...I can not-absolutely can not have alcohol or any other drug around me, & it's taken me a long time to realize that. I thought I could, and still not use/drink, didn't have the craving or desire, but--if it' around, sooner or later, that strange mental twist--powerlessness--hungry, angry, lonely, tired--so tired...tired of trying. My last slip, though I did not drink...my husband tempted me with it, set it down in front of me...I did not open it...but, an addict is an addict is an addict...I hesitated for a fraction of a second but took a hoot. A night of complete insanity, I was absolutely, positively convinced I was insane--I was on my way to a psych ward when my Higher Power stepped in. I went to the local hospital instead, and the first person I saw was an alcoholic. I did not know her. It's been a month since our seperation...he give me the promise that he'd quit if I come back..y'know, day after New Year's...I value my sobriety way too much. My daughter (11) phoned 'im last nite, course he couldn't talk, he was at the pub. He don't wanna stop livin' the way he does, 'n that's his decision. I know for myself, 'n for my 2 daughters, that lifestyle's not where it's at. My reset date is December 20. Am I resentful of my husband? No...I pray he gets it...after all, he's got what the rest of us has got...but I got my own sobriety..'n sanity to protect. Thanks all for lettin' me air it all out. I learned...relationships can sometimes be a part of the definition of character defects. Willing to go to any length kids.
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- Joined: Mon Nov 21, 2005 8:11 am
- Location: alberta
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