Perspective

[918gma]

I have been contemplating this piece for some time. After an awesome day finished off by a good conversation with a dear friend, I have decided it's time.

This wednesday celebrates an event that changed the course of my life. It was the day my second daughter Kay was born. As many of you know, she was put on this earth facing many challenges, both physically and mentally. She has taught me many things over the years, 26 years to be exact. She wasn't suppose to live at all.

I have had my issues raising her as I'm sure you can guess. I think my biggest challenge is to remain right sized in her life. To remember that she is not mine, but her own entity. My job has been to be care taker and teacher. Her purpose on this earth is her own. I get so wrapped up in being there for her, that I forget that some times.

Many times, both in sobriety and during my my drunk a log, I have heard the comment no wonder you drink. "I couldn't do what you do". I don't recall ever taking an aptitude test for this either. And Kay is not the reason I drank. I drank because I am an alcoholic, it it had not been Kay, and often there were a million excuses. But the bottom line is I didn't need an excuss. I drank because I am an alcoholic.

Many of the problems and issues I have had have been of my own creation. Instead of looking at what I can do to make Kay's life better, I see how I can get done what I need to do with as little stress on me as possible. I have not until very recently even attempted to seek or ask for help in dealing with the things that Kay needs. I am learning to pray for strength, and to ask for help. Not for my sake, but for Kay.

Kay has her own purpose in life, her own road to follow. My place in her life is to guide and to protect wich I now do with the help and guidance of my HP. She is a temporary gift to me, that I must return some day, and I am grateful for the opportunity to learn from such an awesome individual.

As a dear friend and I have said. People are in our lives for a reason. It is not our place to determine that reason but to make our part in their lives as positive as we can make it.

[musicmode]

My name is Anne, I am an alcoholic,

We are all a small part of a bigger whole...I have to train and retrain my brain to remember I am but a small part and to remember my place. Don't always hit the ball over the fence...heck...most times I don't even connect the bat to the ball, what amazes me at times is that I'm still in this game of life, be it only for a spell. The words that echo in my mind is JFK's, & they're words I try n hang on to, only I change 'em a little-it's not what life, or the world can do for me, but what can I give to this life/world...and to think of the faith Kennedy had..to send a coconut out into the ocean from a deserted island, & it actually worked...they were rescued. What does this have to do with anything? I dunno...I've been given the privilege of assisting an autistic (grade 6) child at a school here...&, ya know, lots-a times, he's more on top of it than this alkie-minded individual, let me tell ya...I learn as much, if not more from him. And though it's autism, he's borderline, there's traits (lack of patience; short fuze--gee, can't relate to that at all --ya right), where he knows that for some reason, I'm relatin' to him...in turn, & only in 2 months, he's learned to 'halt', stop-breathe...a-ann-nd to ask fer help before he gets so darn frustrated. Certainly program in motion. Most definitely a gift for sure--but yes...only for a short time. My own daughters have their own struggles, right now, heightened cuz of things, but the program's workin' there, too--one day at a time/one step in front of the other, & that's all we got. Thanks all...catch ya later. Anne

[918gma]

The first time I took Kay to be placed in a public school system. We stepped on campus and were heading for our meeting, when we happened across two young men. The first was leading the second by holding his hands on his shoulders. The second young man was blind and in a mood to play. Every so often the blind young man would pull his hands off the others shoulders and wander off giggling outright. The first young man patiently took the other by the hands and put them back on his shoulder, speaking kindly and patiently. I asked if i could help. No Mame, was his reply. This is Johny and it's my turn to take him to the bathroom. He just wants to play a little.

I have often thought of that young man. I picture him as a father playing with his own children. I imagine the patients he would have as an adult dealing with life's issues. I can't help but think that he will be a better person for the lessons he learned taking Johnny to the bathroom.