- I have a question?

I have a question?

Discussions related to 12 Step Recovery and Treatment

I have a question?

Postby holleygale » Wed Mar 15, 2006 4:56 am

I have been going to an AA group about a month. the group is mostly men. Except about once a week I am the only woman attending. the oher females who do come in seem to not teturn. I really need to find a sponsor. But how do I get one? I have been told men can't sponsor women. I don't know what to do.
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Postby Dallas » Wed Mar 15, 2006 8:07 am

Hello HolleyGale,

Welcome to Step12.com. Glad you’re here!

That’s a really good question that you asked. Since I’m an opinionated guy, I should wait and first see if we have any opinionated women that return to this site and let them get first shot at answering the question. The only thing I should share, in regards to your question, would be “my experienceâ€
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Wed Mar 15, 2006 12:08 pm

Holley, hi! ... Dallas said some good things. he also reminded me of this old timer i call Pop. he said way back in the day. men used to sponser women, and vise - e - verse - e! ... been told by the ones, no can do. i' was asled by this older lady to sponser, almost did... no motives on eithers part, just sobriety... but my sponser at the time convinced me it was my ego amd grandiosity that was talking... look'n back on it today, i says phoey!!! anyway, as Dallas mentioned, just another way... if ya think'n that might work... look for the one who doesn't look like Tom Cruse, and has real good sobriety... Not the Time! ... another thought, how bouts a online sponser til ya find a live one? ... good wishes Holley, we here for ya... xo Z
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Postby Rose » Wed Mar 15, 2006 10:59 pm

Hi my name is Rose and I am an alocholic.
Holly is there a women in another group that you can get as a sponsor. I always though my sponsor had to be from my group until someone told me other wise.
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Postby blueangel » Wed Mar 15, 2006 11:28 pm

yes, no, who knows :lol: interesting subject since I don't see the problem with men sponsoring women or otherwise. I realize that AA says men with men and so on, but as Dallas said there isn't always that available. This also brings to mind would a gay man sponsor a gay man or would this be against AA rules? I realize that's probably starting a fight but I still believe that it's principles before personalities, and as long as the ego is left out of it no harm comes from having a sponsor of the opposite sex. I personally know several men in AA that have no bad intentions whatsoever that sponsor women or are at least their friend to talk to. As long as the two people are comfortable talking openly and honestly with each other that should be all that matters.
God bless and have a good day :D Kay
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Postby Dallas » Thu Mar 16, 2006 5:12 am

Hello Kay! Thanks for sharing.

It's always a highlight of my day, to read someone elses thoughts, other than my own. Heck... I have to listen to me all day long! It's like a vacation for me, to think about how someone else sees something.

BlueAngel wrote:This also brings to mind would a gay man sponsor a gay man or would this be against AA rules?

Now, that's a very interesting, observational question, that I don't recall ever asking!!! Perhaps someone will answer the question, and I'll learn something new today!!! I really do look forward to letting go of old ideas and learning something new everyday!

Cheers to you! And, thank you for sharing how you see things.

I used to be more open about helping anybody, male or female, and didn't really care what someone thought about it. I knew what my motives and intentions were, and they were right... and I felt comfortable with that.

But then, after getting burned very badly by some of the "AA Rumor Millers".... it's hard to forget the pain that I've suffered at the expense of other AA members vile tongues. It's sad to become aware that love and tolerance and good motives and intentions are not the code of everyone, even if they are in AA. The pain of the matter did hurt, but it didn't bother me as much (on the inside of me) as it hurt the ones that I was trying to help.

Now, I try to be aware, that there are going to be some sick one's who will spread any kind of dirt to make themselves feel good... and some sicker one's who will listen to the dirt. And, the dirt, will inevitably hurt... the ones I'm trying to help.

Thanks for letting me share.

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just a short note of thanks & 1 more questiion

Postby holleygale » Thu Mar 16, 2006 7:01 am

Thank you all for sharing. I truely was lost and wasn't sure what to do. Now, I am looking for an online sponsor. But once again, I am turning to everyone for help. How does one find an online sponsor? This is very new to me.
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Postby Dallas » Thu Mar 16, 2006 1:58 pm

If, a sponsor is a:


maybe... just maybe... with all these suggestions .... you can go ahead and get into the book now!!! :)

My first sponsor made it very clear to me, that he wanted me to read, and study and do the things in the Big Book... and for me to be sure what he was suggesting to me, was coming from the Big Book, and not from some other book, or from his head. He said my life depended on me doing what the book suggested. And, he said, that the only way I would know if what he was suggesting for me... was according to the book... was if I read the book.

For me... that suggestion made perfect sense.

It never ceases to amaze me... some of the stuff that I hear in a meeting, or read online... that make me ask "what does that have to do with AA Recovery?" And, sometimes... it will even be just the opposite of whats suggested in the book. No wonder, that there are such a "Variety of Recovery Experiences."

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don't give up

Postby 918gma » Fri Mar 17, 2006 1:09 am

We are out there. I found my sponsor by praying for the right one to come along, then went to as many meetings as I could squeeze in until she did.
I don't know about any one else, but I do know for myself, having a female sponsor was easier than a male, when it comes to the steps. Remember the sponsor is going to have what you want, and should also have had a lot of similar experiences as you have.
Until your sponsor does show up, get as many numbers as you can and keep talking to alcoholics and reading and praying.
Hp didn't bring you this far to let you down now.
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