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Relapsed




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Relapsed

Postby 1dayatatime36 » Wed May 17, 2006 1:02 am

I have been thinking all day of what to say, how to say it, and how hard it is going to be to say it, but because the people on this forum have become a part of my recovery, i feel out of respect that i let you know that i relapsed yesterday..so hard to admit, but it happened..i can't take it back, nor can i change it, but i can learn from it..so, i asked GOD to forgive me, (HE did) and i pick myself up and continue on forward and try again..this time maybe i do it a little different...but although i lost what i had in sobriety, i did not lose the knowledge that i have learned through the program and through all of you..i am still tying to figure out just what happened yesterday, and i could come up with all kinds of excuses, but it won't keep me where i need to be, so i have no excuse..i hope that i can move past this and get the sobriety that i want..i know that my heart and soul was in it, i wanted it more than anything, but somehow yesterday, i lost all reasoning, and went back to a place that i never wanted to be again..thank you for letting me share this, and i hope in time, i will feel comfortable again sharing in my sobriety but for now i will just try to learn..thank you for all your support and caring the last two months, and i know that i will continue to get that from all of you..GOD Bless, Tonya
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Postby Dallas » Wed May 17, 2006 3:58 am

Sobriety 101

Rule #1 Train your elbow: Alcoholics suffer from AEBS (Automatic Elbow Bending Syndrome). Train your elbow to reach for the phone... or it will automatically reach for the bottle.

Rule #2 Train your mouth: Alcoholics suffer from A.S.S. (Automatic Swallowing Syndrome) It's much more difficult to swallow when you're using your mouth to talk.

Keep coming back... you might learn something if you learn to think with your feet instead of your head. "The problem centers in the mind." Something that's broke... can't fix something that's broke. The three most dangerous words out of a alcoholic's mouth is "I've been thinking..."

Alcoholics Anonymous is a program of Action. We take actions such as putting one foot in front of the other... It's always a better bet to be in a meeting rather than be alone with yourself. The most dangerous place for a newly sober alcoholic is to be alone. When they are alone with their head... it's almost a guarantee that they will think themselves into a drink.

"My head would have killed me a long time ago ... if it didn't need my body for transportation!"

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Postby Buck V » Wed May 17, 2006 11:47 am

Tonya,

At least you're here, and posting, and sharing. John is right about communication, using your hand to pick up the phone, rather than picking up a drink, using your mouth for talking rather than drinking, using your feet to walk into a meeting rather than to walk into a liquor store. I'd also add using your mind to think about what you may be thinking about rather than to rationalizing what you may be thinking about. As a relative newbie myself, I'm hardly qualified to give advice, so I just toss back out what I hear from other alcoholics, and from what I read in this forum. Listen and learn from these folks. Follow the steps, Use the gifts that your Higher Power has freely given to you. In the short 5 1/2 months I've been in this program, I've learned that It Works. It Really Does.

Take care and God Bless.

Buck
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Postby JR » Thu May 18, 2006 9:49 pm

Dallas, I would add a rule #3 Train your knees. I've never heard of a sober alcoholic who relapsed on a day they sought through prayer and meditation to improve their conscious contact with God. Buck, you're absolutely right at least Tonya came back to us without letting any guilt or shame keep her from us. Tonya, thanks for coming back. You are still alive after a relapse, so you have another shot. Every relapse taunts the Reaper.

"The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power." (BB pg. 43)

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks - drinks they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.

On the other hand - and strange as this may seem to those who do not understand - once a psychic change has ocurred, the very same person who seemed doomed, who had so many problems he despaired of ever solving them, suddenly finds himself easily able to control his desire for alcohol, the only effort necessary being that required to follow a few simple rules." (Dr.'s Opinion BB)

The doctor said (Dr. Jung) "You have the mind of a chronic alcoholic. I have never seen one single case recover, where that state of mind existed to the extent that it does in you." The alcoholic felt as though the gates of hell had closed on him with a clang. He said to the doctor, "Is there no exception?"

"Yes," replied the doctor. "there is. Exceptions to cases such as yours have been occurring since early times. Here and there, once in awhile, alcoholics have had what are called vital spiritual experiences. To me these occurrences are phenomena. They appear to be in the nature of huge emotional disturbances and rearrangements. Ideas, emotions, and attitudes which were once the guiding forces of the lives of these men are suddenly cast to one side, and a completely new set of conceptions and motives begin to dominate them. In fact, I have been trying to produce some such emotional rearrangement within you. With many individuals the methods which I employed are successful, but I have never been successful with an alcoholic of your description."

Upon hearing this, our friend was somewhat relieved, for he reflected that, after all, he was a good church member. This hope, however, was destroyed by the doctor's telling him that while his religious convictions were very good, in this case they did not spell the necessary vital spiritual experience." (BB pg. 27)

"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power?

Well that's exactly what this book (BB) is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem."

Tonya, I think I read that you go to church and your pastor recommended AA. AA works for alcoholics because it provides a specific course of action called the 12 steps that has been proven to work for alcoholics. Even though I relapsed after 19 years of sobriety and currently have been sober since August 20, 2005 I know that the 12 steps of AA will keep you sober.

The steps provide a process for us to remove what is blocking us from the sunlight of the Spirit. The Spiritual awakening or psychic change or huge emotional rearrangements occur after we have completed all of the steps. Step 12 says "Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps . . ." The steps are the only answer I am aware of for recovery from alcoholism. If there was another answer, we would know about it. The entire medical community that deals with treatment sends their charges to 12 steps programs.

I guess I'm just saying, start doing the steps. Do the steps as if your life depends upon it, because it does.

XOXOXOX, Jr
Last edited by JR on Fri May 19, 2006 4:07 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby JR » Fri May 19, 2006 4:14 am

Tonya,

If you check out the 12 steps section on this site and go to step one, Dallas gave me a really good assignment for step one. It really helped. It is a writing assignment and I recommend it to you.

You are in my thoughts.

XOXOX,

Jr
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Postby 1dayatatime36 » Fri May 19, 2006 4:20 am

i'll do that, thank you..and for your thoughts, have a great night/day...GOD Bless..Tonya
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