My name is Anne
, I'm an alcoholic,
I am in that very same situation right now, have been for the past 6 years that I've been in the program. I've gotten tangled up, &--a long story short...in December, be it the will of God as I understand Him
, I will have 1 year clean & sober. He has been the "excuse"...and the excuse only that I have had slips..each time, I've put a red flag there. It boils right down to what my choice is. It talks about--in BB--that there are those who are sick, & they will want us to drink..they, too...are sick. Keith R., said that when he was all wired up & drunk, everyone wanted him to stop, when he stopped, those very same people would seem to try anything to get him to slip up...just so that they could have that satisfaction of saying: there he goes again, I knew he couldn't do it--it seemed too, that those people would go to any length to get him to slip up. It's up to me whether I drink or anything else. I know for myself, as an alcoholic, nobody could tell me, push me, threaten me into NOT drinking, therefore doing likewise to another would only create waves of friction that could back-fire and have me pick up. I cannot make any one else get &/or stay sober...nor does anybody else have the power to cause me to not. Last winter, I did have enough of it and I left for 3 months. It was the will of God as I understand Him
that I came back. Today, I know that no person has the right or the power to talk me into, to con me into, to manipulate me into drinking or using. When I hand that power over to another person, that person has become my higher power...and when no human power could have relieved me of my alcoholism, I'm essentially biting the hand that feeds me when I give in to that other person's will. Goes back to being a kid...if all your friends say it's a good idea and fun to jump off a bridge or over a cliff when you can see clearly that it don't look that way, are ya gonna jump anyway?
Certainly be supportive, I know of a few couples who came in, first one, then the other, & they have said that they have to stay mindful of who's program their nose is into. Let her program be hers, let yours be yours...accept & give suggestions (sharing experience, strength & hope) with each other of what seems to be working 'today', but the only program I can work is my own, nobody else's. There's nothing wrong with Al-Anon, either. I went to Al-Anon, mostly because the first alcoholic I had to learn how to live with was me. Al-Anon taught me how, even in sobriety, I can still play into the sickness and not even know it...which can still keep me sick, even though I may not be drinking. I know of some couples, too...who will go to seperate meetings if that's possible where you live. If he goes, she'll stay home & work her steps, or vice-versa, or in a place where there are more meetings than one per night...they will go to seperate meetings.
There's my 2 cents for what it's worth.
Keep it simple, kids...if ya don't over think--ya won't drink.