Chapter 4 WE AGNOSTICS

[Ranman99]

Agreed! Agreed!. Used to only smoke when I was out on the binges but this time when I staggered back in I kept that little monkey hanging on. But I'm just about ready

Wife and I did accupunture in Kuala Lumpur on 2001. It was 10 sessions and after session 9 she was really pissed to keep spending money and not stop so she did and hasn't smoked since. She has been tempted a few times becuase she lives with yours truly but she has done a bang up job of not firing up.

Me well I'll be cautious and HP just gave me a fine so I got that going for me

As my sponsor says. I'm right where I'm supposed to be. The Bast#$%!

[BostonGuy]

We Agnostics.....

Currently my AWOL is on Chapter 4.

I don't care what the dictionary says, but my definition is that as an alcoholic, I was so self centered I didn't care about anything but my next drink. My only higher power was the procurement of alcohol.

My wife, family, friends, career and health were a distant second to alcohol.

With my short sobriety and limited knowledge of AA, it seems that Chapter 4 is trying to get me to look outside of "MYSELF"! Start to think of something other than the "Great I AM".

I my not be Happy, Joyous and Fee yet, but I'm working on it a day at a time.

Paul

[Ranman99]

HeyPaul gald to see you.

I was thinking up a nice rant for my morning meeting and then the topic was a reading of tradition 1 so I got of on a chat about the lifeboat.

What I had been thinking was about my HP what a fine old her/he/it they be!

When I was out there Alcohol was with out a doubt my HP. The thing about good old darlin' alcohol as HP is the way she works.

First off she gives you dutch courage (almost got smacked by a dutchman once for saying that) and you can be the life of the party and easy going with the ladies and then Alcohol HP just don't care if she gives you a good case of whiskey d&*k to boot.

Then she sure don't mind if she takes your wife and your job and if she don't take your kids she sure doesn't mind if they join the fold later on. Why the earlier the better.

Starting to not sound ike a very loving HP more like the other kind of HP some folks get on about.

She also doesn't mind if you hand over that drivers license tank you very much who says driving is a privilege anyhow.

And of course the more we worship the more she just doesn't mind if she sees you dead. The good old saying that my disease wants me dead well she sure don't care if you do and judging by what I have seen with my own eyes she likes it just fine.

What a power?

There was a night back in 1997 where I pulled out of a bar and immediatley got pulled over. The cop testified in court that he had to grab me by the arm to keep me from falling in the ditch. Probably my real HP had a better plan that night.

As Sandy Beach says did I see that poor cop as a spiritual messanger that night? Not on your life instead of being greatful that I didn't do time I was pissed that I lost my license for 2 years instead of the usual 1 year. My lawyer was very happy to be rid of me. Hmmmm.

Took me 11 more years tank you very much. The Alcohol HP did it's thing and though my real HP kept throwing out the life lines I was FAR too stubborn, blind, selfish, sick etc. etc. etc. to see it.

I also made anote this morning that "God as we understand him" means just that. Not for me to really try and explain my HP to anyone else. Pretty hard to do even if I tried. Not for me to try to understand anyone elses either as long as I got something going I can be just greatful for that.

If a sponsee wants to know what I have done to get connected and were I have been then we can have a nice chat about it under a cannon ball tree.

[Dallas]

I couldn't find a Power greater than myself -- until alcohol and myself became a Problem greater than myself! When I was left with no alternatives -- I had to find another solution.

I my not be Happy, Joyous and Fee yet, but I'm working on it a day at a time.

I understand.... when I first came to AA I would get angry at the suggestion... that it might even be possible for me to be happy, joyous and free... I had spent a life time trying to get it... and couldn't get it.

Then, one day, when I wasn't even trying to be happy, joyous or free... I was simply doing the work that I had to do to get another 24 hours sober... it hit me! I discovered that I had become happy, joyous and free.. and I wasn't even trying to be happy joyous and free!

So, I became convinced, by my experience, that the way to become happy, joyous and free -- was to not try to seek to be happy, joyous and free -- and, instead, keep my focus and energy and actions centered on just doing the work that I had to do to stay sober -- and, happy, joyous and free, was something that would happen automatically -- as long as I didn't slack up on the living sober work.

What I think happened, was: I was one of those unfortunate alcoholics, that HAD to take the Steps, just to survive sober. And, that's all I hoped to achieve -- was just "survive sober." And, it was the Steps, that did it for me. It gave me more than sober. It gave me sobriety... "a quality of living -- sober" -- that has become better than anything I ever knew before -- drinking or sober!

Keep coming back! I appreciate you and your help.

Dallas