When I was still drinking I tried all kinds of things to stop, I think what I tried most was church. I would go to church and pray, join the choir, go on church trips and try to give myself to this God they told me about. It didnâ€™t work, I still drank, I was disappointed in the people, I was disappointed in the church and I was very disappointed in their God. But, what seem to happen more than anything was I became more and more disappointed in me, the fact that their God worked for them and not me just showed me I was and never would be good enough for their God to help me. He didnâ€™t want anything to do with me, so in turn I didnâ€™t want anything to do with Him.
Then my drinking came to a point to where I had a choice..get sober or die..that was it, no other choices. So, I walked into the doors of an AA meeting and saw the man who would become my sponsor. He said Debbie, you are full of pain, if we donâ€™t get some of that pain out of you, you will drink again and for you that is the same thing as death. The only way I know how to get the pain out of you is the same way I got it out of me, working the 12 steps. So, I ask him if he would do it, take me through my steps, and he said yes. So, we sat down together and started.
Step one. Powerless â€¦you bet I was powerless
Step two. Came to believe. Simple enough, a power greater than myself at that time was a ceiling fan in the middle or the room at my first AA meeting.
Step three. Turn my what and my what over to who? No way in hell. Not gonna happen.. I will die drunk before I try that crap again. I have already proved that God didnâ€™t want me and he damn sure wasnâ€™t gonna help me. I may as well give up now, I will never be able to stay sober. So, my sponsor sat down and said â€œwhy donâ€™t you come up with your own concept of God, sit down and make a list of who and what you want your God to be. He or She is your God now. Not the churches.â€