Hi all, hope you're all doin great!
Special hiya to Timmy, cause he is the reason I am writing this.
Here ya go....
Well, as a kid, I can remember going to church only twice. Once for xmas and once for Easter. Gosh I remember how beautiful the church was at xmas. Growing up I never learned anything about God or the bible. Nothin. My mom grew up going to church and believing. My dad (dont know about my father) grew up Catholic. He had to go to church every single day in the summer time. He went to a private all boys boarding school all through till his Junior year of h.s. He even taught religion at the Univ of Hawaii. He is highly educated on the subject. But he lost his faith somewhere along the way. He explains his reasons. Ok. Thats cool. My mom doesnt feel that she has to go to a church once a week just to have her faith. Ok...thats cool.
I have been in the medical field in some form or fashion since I was 14. I have taken care of so many cancer patients in my life. That, until recently, has always been the area that I was drawn to. I remember being 17 and working for Hospice. Going to patients homes and helping them with various things. I remember mom telling me that the most intimate time in someones life is their death...and its an honor to be a part of it. I never understood....until I was honored by being asked to stay.
I lost so many people, people that I came to care about. I always believed in angels. (I wont get into those stories...or the ghost stories) All my friends that I have ever had that were of various religions were...sorta fanatical about it. I had one friend in h.s. take me to some hidden way back far away room at her church. I had no idea what was going on. She simply said she wanted to show me something. She sat me on the floor and then proceeded to 'pray over me'. She said she thought I was going to hell because I dont go to church and that I dont believe in God.
WOW!!!! Well...that only kinda turned me off even more. That and I saw a lot of friends only being religious on sundays from 2-4. They certainly werent acting like it any other day. They would always say they can just ask for forgiveness. Isnt it better to just not do it? But ok.
I have always believed in something greater than me (other than angels) I was just always scared to put the name God on it. One person, greater than me...and everyone says to 'fear' him. Nope, no way! Not happenin. I wont put a name on him, and I certainly wont fear my HP because...he should be a loving and understanding HP.
So yes, the whole AA thing terrified me! WHAT? What do you mean I have to have a relationship with WHO? God? WHAT? Are you outta your damn freakin mind? NO, NO WAY...NOT HAPPENIN!!!!!
I was still having a problem with it. I got on here. I started reading. I had some convo's via PM with people. I learned me sumtin (thats for you timmy
) I also started to read the BB.
I realized, AA is NOT about God. Its not at all! It is about a HP...they just happen to call theirs God. Your HP can be anything. For me, it could have even been angels if I wanted it to be. They dont preach about it, they dont MAKE you believe in God or tell you that if you dont you will fail. They just want you to accept something greater than yourself. Whatever it is. There is someone in one of my meetings that has chosen AA as his HP. (he also told me the other day that he would like me to be his HP...ah...k...im gonna go with...NO)
AA, and this site, have taught me to keep my mind open. I can be constantly learning and living, with an open mind.
I have come to realize that God is a great HP. He IS funny. He has a great sense of humor. He is constantly laughing at me....course...im kinda clutzy, so, its easy to laugh...shoulda seen me at the gym yesterday.
He is a caring HP, and understanding HP. He has always been there, waiting patiently for me to come to this realization. I owe him a lot. Because even if he wasnt there....he gave me many angels that were.
I have had many conversations with him. And I have told him EVERYTHING. I mean EVERYTHING. He knew it all of course, but I told him anyway. I have asked for his guidance on things. Heck, just this morning I was talking to him and asked him to help me. I had this feeling I couldnt shake...and he kept telling me, just sit back, relax, one day at a time, it will be ok. Of course I didnt wanna listen. I said 'no, something is different. What should I do?' he said 'fine, if you dont wanna listen to me, then just ask....its that simple...and you will see....its all in the way you are thinking!'
So, naturally, I asked the question that was on my mind. And naturally God was right! The weird thing is....the answer I got...was just what I heard from God...its all in the way im thinking! It was kinda weird. But then again...not at all unexpected.
Now, I cant get on board with all of the religious beliefs. I have had this talk with God too. I do believe in evolution. I dont believe in the Adam and Eve thing. (im sorry if that upsets anyone...it is only MY opinion)
But, I believe that God made all things possible.
I have my angels, and I have my HP...who I am now very happy to call God.
I hope this explains where im coming from. And I really hope I didnt upset anyone with my thoughts.
Love you all