Happy Friday Night!
Frananne, thanks so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences in early sobriety.
Each time that you do -- it takes me back in memory to my own early days.
It's a great thing for me to keep it fresh in my mind "where I was at, what happened,
where I've been, the stuff I've gone through, where I am today -- and, most importantly,
what it would be like for me -- if I give up on these daily practices that have been maintaining
my sobriety and sanity.
The early days memories are very precious to me. The tears, the laughter, the good times,
the struggling times, confused, trying to not only figure this recovery and sobriety thing out,
but also trying to figure out "How do I live -- sober?" I didn't know how to live sober. I didn't know
how to cope w/ my feelings and emotions. I didn't know how to interact w/ other people -- sober.
How do you talk to someone -- sober? What kinds of things -- do regular people do?
I had been under the impression that I was doing wonderfully well. A high achiever -- and once in a while, a bottom feeder.
I had accomplished some great things -- and I had been to the bottom of the barrel. I had no clue -- and would never have thought that "all these years -- my life, my feelings and my actions and my thoughts -- have been unmanageable."
Today -- and everyday, it's so helpful for me to remember that "Yes. Dallas. Your life really was unmanageable! And, even though you've made great progress in sobriety -- your life is still unmanageable by you alone, without God's help and guidance, without sponsorship, without the Fellowship, and without the 12 Steps." I have to remind myself of this daily. And, it's not easy to do! I want to feel and believe that "Well. After 25 years of sobriety and doing this deal -- I'm well enough that surely I can take over sitting in the driver's seat of my life!" Surely, I can be the Pilot of my own plane, and the Captain & Master of my Destiny! And, those are the thoughts & drives -- that lead me away from dependance and reliance upon God.
I love what Toast mentioned above: The getting involved in the material stuff in life. Starting to make the material stuff #1 instead of God, and God's will for me and my life as #1. Thinking about myself. my stuff. My success. My of my oh my! LOL. The very root of all my problems!
Returning to my roots -- which left me in self-destruction and pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. Forgetting what the REAL solution is. A God consciousness. And, the realization that I MUST live my life based upon spiritual principles -- or, I will have no life.
I used to think that the people who talked that way were just still "trying to convince themselves" and trying to "preach at me" about what I SHOULD do. I considered them to be nuts. Really nuts! LOL. Now, it seems that -- I've become one of the biggest nuts of all! LOL.
Thanks for your posts above! Love & hugs to you on this beautiful Sober Friday Night!