Different higher power than the rest of the group..

[richard r]

Hey guys,
I live in a small town area which has one dominant opinion as far as a HP goes. I haven't brought it up at all in my homegroup, in fact I pretend I've got the same views. I've had a hard time coping with it, watching what I say in meetings. It wouldn't be so bad if there was anyone else in the area with the same beliefs. I guess it bothers me that I don't have any kind of fellowship of people whom I can discuss my understanding, instead of being vague. I don't want to stir up debate or hatred so I don't tell anybody that I'm even different. It sucks, and I wish I could just go back to believing the same thing everyone else around here believes. I accidentally stumbled across my new belief system reading a library book under "phylosophy". That's how I'm the only one in this area. I didn't discover my HP through other humans, or a fellowship of any sort, but reading a book that had a spiritual "phylosophy" that seemed to fill that void. I guess I'm just asking if someone else out there has had to pretend they believe in something that they don't out of fear of persecution. I honestly don't know how my home group would react, but I've heard a few tell stories about how they felt about other peoples ideas of a HP. I cannot forsake my HP, I just wish I had someone to relate to. I wish I could confide in my group my differences. If someone else has been through this, or has any suggestions, I'm open to hear them. I just don't know what to do...

[Dallas]

Hi richard! Welcome to the group!

I didn't discover my HP through other humans, or a fellowship of any sort, but reading a book

1. The author was human?
2. Those who printed, published, distributed, and sold the book -- were human?
3. And, you connected w/ them -- that sounds like Fellowship to me.

The point being: You're NOT alone!

Yes. I understand your experience.

I was lucky. I got sober in a huge city with thousands of meetings and hundreds of thousands of members. I came to expect a different belief -- from each one of them.

However, in 1994, I moved to a small town. And, it's a bit different here. Still a wide mix of views but one primary one.

For me? I really don't care what people think of my spiritual beliefs. My spirituality does not depend on their acceptance of me or my beliefs. I do try to not go over-board and offend anyone with my beliefs -- but I'm definitely not ashamed or fearful of telling them "I'm different."

Even though people tell me they believe the same way as other people -- I don't believe it.
Belief's are a mix of personal experience AND thinking. And, each person has a unique personal experience that influences their thinking.

I'll bet what might be happening in your area is: A lot of people in recovery seem to have a deficiency in self-acceptance, and self-confidence -- and, they are afraid -- because they feel their sobriety and life -- is dependant on being accepted and approved of -- by their peers in recovery. So, the "suck it up" and don't talk about it.

I find it good to suck it up and not talk about it -- when it would lead to arguments, hard feelings, or disharmony.

I don't find it good to suck it up IF we're sucking it up because we are needy for acceptance and approval.

I'm really GRATEFUL that you have different beliefs! I love it when people are different. It's only from the different -- that I can learn through and continually expand my thinking and also to remember the whys -- of why I believe the stuff that I do.

I hope that you will share your views w/ us here! It would be great to hear from you, good for me, good for others -- who just might believe exactly like you do -- but have been afraid to say anything -- and, it might be a good experience for you, too!

Hope to hear from you soon!
Dallas

[richard r]

Thanks Dallas, it's not a big deal most of the time. Sometimes I just wish I could relate to others in my group as far as my HP goes as they do. All is well, I'm sober today, probably tomorrow too. I'll deal with the next day as it comes about. I'm just thankful I have a God of my understanding at work in my life. Without good ol' HP, I would not be the man I am today.

[Dallas]

I understand.

One of the reasons that I like to talk about this topic is -- that I struggled for a long time w/ my own HP concept & ideas. Even today, I have an HP that I don't understand. I mean, I know that there is a Loving God, that God is concerned with me and with all of us, that we can experience God -- that God has helped me and that God does help me -- and that's about all I know for sure. The rest is all speculation and mere guessing -- which sometimes leads in one direction or another. For me, I don't think books will answer my questions, but I do enjoy reading them, because they help me think about it. When God becomes small enough that I can understand my God -- I'm convinced that I'm looking in the wrong direction.

I wish I knew more -- then, I could talk and sound special about it -- like some people do. And, my head could say "Wow! Look at me! All these people look up to me because I'm so Spiritual and know the stuff about God -- that others don't know -- and I could be rich and popular, too! LOL. But, I know -- that for me, I would only be BS-ing myself and others.

I think what works best for me is: To keep an open mind about it. To admit that I don't really know. This helps me with staying reasonably honest, and having a reasonable amount of humility and humbleness.