Good morning Keith! Happy Friday.
I may not post too often -- but I do ALWAYS read what you share, and I look forward to it, and I read all of them. Thanks for sharing.
Wishing your wife and you much better days in the health area.
I understand about getting frustrated w/ God. I do it often -- and w/ hindsight, I look back and see my misunderstandings that lead to my frustrations has always been because of my lack of understanding. I seem to fall into a trap of "Gee. Look at me. I'm pretty smart and I know what would be best in this situation -- and SURELY God has to be smarter than me! So, if I could fix it -- why hasn't God stepped up to fix it?"
Of course, IF I could have fixed it -- I would have fixed it.
But, it's always something that even I can't fix.
Morals & Sobriety: In my experience w/ sobriety -- the longer I've been sober -- the more I have to change. What I could get away w/ at one month sober -- I could no longer get away with at six months sober. And, what I could get away with at six months sober -- I had to give it up at one year sober. Things I could get away with at 5 yrs sober -- would kill me, if I were doing them now -- at 24+ years sober.
I was discussing this w/ a non-alcoholic friend, yesterday, who's been asking me a lot of questions. He's not one of us -- but he does suffer from extreme anxiety disorder. I gave some examples on honesty. And, how today -- I had to be more honest than I did when I was new -- or it would kill me. It would either drive me to the end of a rope or to cracking a bottle -- because I wouldn't be able to sleep comfortably in my skin at night. And, I mentioned about our continued & prompt amends w/ Step 10, saving my butt -- when I still screw up.
An overwhelming feeling of gratitude came over me, as I was talking w/ him -- when the thoughts silently came to my mind, about how lucky and blessed that we are -- because of a program of recovery that has been passed on to us, through the hard earned experience of those that have trodded this path before us. They wrote their experiences down and put them in a book, that we could read -- many years later -- and, their sharing would help us through our current days problems.
As you were writing about going back "through the years" of reading the old posts here in the forum -- I had another one of those gratitude moments. Those that have been here, sharing their experiences and discoveries -- a few years back, are still helping me, and some others today -- with my current difficulties, when they arise.
I only hope, that years down the road from now -- someone will be able to come hear and read the rants & raves & sharing of Keith & Dallas -- and it will help them get through what they are going through in the moment that they are going through it.
Sometimes, when new people join the forum they make a comment about "Gee. This stuff is kind of old, isn't it?" And, I have to chuckle... "Yep. It's old. It's been tried. What worked survived and worked. And, what didn't -- didn't. But, it's still here for you. And, may it help you to find something to do, something to understand better, or... even show you something that you wont want to do!"
I guess, in a way, we're leaving a trail -- of our experiences, in writing. Dialogues. Discussions. Rather, than just individual stories -- and we have those, too!
Wishing for healing blessings and the best of the best for you and for your wife, Keith! And, thank you -- for widening the trail!