What do we do about the family?

[cajunbam]

A long-time married to an Al-Anon, brother in sobriety once told me... "It's more important to be happy than right!" ... Once I began taking action on Bob's suggestion in all my relationships, business and personal... ALL my relationships improved and my life got better!

I have seen it over and over and over again over the years. Very rarely, do we hear of a family member being successful at helping another family member. It doesn't work. They need to find someone else to help them and to sponsor them. Trying to help them, based upon my own personal experiences and those I've watched... most often makes the situation worse.

Dallas

Dallas,

Neither my uncle (my dad's youngest brother) nor I accepted the AA program until last fall. We both had been white-knuckling it for the last 5 or so years. In September I went back to AA and in November, he crawled back as well. My dad passed away to a better place on Feb. 29, 2008 (yep, and he was known to be a jokester!). It wasn't until a year and a half later or so that we surrrendered to God and went back to the AA program. I know my dad had been praying for us to get help. I found out that my uncle was back in AA and I called him. We talked for about 45 minutes, the most ever. I told him I never felt so close to my dad than I do now and feel his presence and think about him in every meeting I go to. He said the same. My relationship with my dad has been restored thanks to AA (and my wife wonders why I look so forward to making my meetings!!) When I wake up the day I know I'm going to a meeting, I can't wait for it to get here and no matter what happens throughout the day, I'm in tunnel vision and can see the light. I'm also less affected by the day's little traumas. It is truly a miracle, a Christ-incidence that I am finding my way again and feel like my dad is up there still helping me out.

Peace,
Brian

[cajunbam]

Keith,

I am trying my best to show by example how to live life on life's terms to my almost 12 year old son now. He has been trying my patience a lot lately, and I've been failing the test. I really believe he has a 100% chance of being an alcoholic because of his attitude; no matter what you tell him, he'll figure out a different way to do it his way, the hardest way possible. It is like looking into the mirror every day. I just know that once he chooses to put alcohol or any other mind altering drug into his body, he will feel the feeling of finally being at ease and ok with the world. This is hard for me, because I see so much of me in him. He is also on meds for bipolar, depression and anxiety, ADHD - has been for half his life now. He tells me things I once told myself that I'd never drink or drug; but I see how easily he succumbs to peer pressure - to fit in. I'm living my hell all over again through him. Some people say when you have kids, it's great because you can live through your childhood again. Hell, what if you never wanted to do that anyway? In any event, it is what it is and I'm SLOWLY learning to accept that - one of my big resentments was with God, for I know my son was born with all these issues - the pregnancy and delivery was rough, every step of the way has been an extreme challenge. Here comes my daughter 5 years later, and she pops out so fast that the anesthesiologist didn't have time to give my wife the epidural and she has been (so far) a real breeze from day 1. I know she'll have her own issues in time, but for my son, he has borne his cross since day 1. It just doesn't seem fair and I'm scared to death of what is to come when he mixes alcohol (a depressant) and drugs with his meds which do a pretty good job of keeping him stable and relatively happy; or when he decides to self-medicate instead of taking his Rx meds. This is a HUGE fear on my inventory. Wow, I'm rambling on now......got to get to work!

Have a great day & Peace,
Brian

[Dallas]

Thanks Keith! Awesome sharing! Nice to read it this morning.

Brought up some memories of my own past.

I had been married twice, by the time I got sober. I had always seemed to live in guilt and remorse for not being able to be better and to do more for them... I really gave myself a beating up over it. When it came time to go make amends to them -- they shocked me! They had a totally different memory and perception of our time together and what kind of guy and husband I had been.

They both said, "What are you talking about? Being with you was the best times of my life -- and you were always good to me and did everything you could to support us and provide for us well. You weren't as bad as you're thinking yo were!"

Imagine that? All those years of beating myself up... and it was only because 'that's the way I saw me'!

Sometimes... making amends ain't so bad after all.

Dallas