Keeping it "interesting" for Oldtimers and Newcome

[alimac03]

When I first joined my AA home group ALL are discussion meetings were led with a "Daily Reflection." Many people thought this was a bit monotonous, so at the Group Conscience we decided it would be the discretion of whoever chaired the meeting to set a topic for discussion.

I now chair one of these meetings and sometimes find it difficult to find a balance between what interests the newcomers and the Old-timers. Over the last few weeks we have discussed the topics of Acceptance, Finding a Higher Power and Daily Inventory. Last night, I chose an excerpt from "Living Sober" on the importance of 24 Hours. However when I introduced the topic I saw lots of the old-timers roll their eyes as if to say, "We all know this one!" Considering half of the meeting was made up of AA's with less than 6 months sobriety, I thought it was extremely relevant, but how do you keep the balance?

I know I will never keep everyone happy all of the time, but I also hope that everyone gets a least a little something out of the meeting. Suggestions greatly appreciated

[Dallas]

Great topic and good questions! Thanks for sharing!

The one thing that stuck out for me was:

roll their eyes as if to say....

I can really get myself in a trap of fear when my perception of other people's thoughts is based upon my observance of silent body language.

Perception = "what I see" AND then, "I apply a meaning to it."

Often, "my meaning that I apply to it" will be far away from the reality of what really happened or what was really going on. And, "my meanings that I apply to what I see" -- will ALWAYS be tinted or flavored by "my beliefs."

Example: If I'm feeling sensitive and personally inadequate -- I'll tend to believe (MY belief) that people are watching everything I do -- and that they're judging me -- on the thing that I feel personally inadequate about. And, reality might be "they weren't even thinking about me at all!"

Something that helps me, during examples like you've given above with "they rolled their eyes as if" -- is to drop the "as if" -- and remind myself that the only thing I know for sure was "they rolled their eyes."

My "as if" is what get's me into troubled waters. Because they might have rolled their eyes -- and been thinking about NOTHING.

Or, they might have rolled their eyes AND earlier in the day -- they could have been on the telephone w/ someone ... and what they were discussing was EXACTLY about what someone picked as a topic in a meeting.

I call it "my mind reading." Because actually, I'm trying to "read someone's mind -- and I think I know what they are thinking" and most often, I'll be wrong about it.

With that said......... my suggestions about "a topic that would be appropriate for newcomers and old-timers"? ANYTHING that has to do w/ sobriety and living sober. "First things first." Our sobriety and living sober MUST come first -- because if it doesn't -- any other topic will be simply an academic mental exercise. If we don't stay sober -- we won't have anything else to discuss other than "I'm screwed now. I drank again and now everything is all gone again."

What could be tried is:

1. The leader or chair person picks a topic that "they" believe will be appropriate for the meeting.

2. Before announcing the topic that they picked -- they can ask the group, if someone in the group has a topic that they would like to suggest -- or do they have a specific problem in sobriety -- or with living sober -- that they would like the topic to be on -- so that they can listen to how others have solved that problem in sobriety.

3. If no one volunteers a topic, or the requested topic is inappropriate for discussing IN the meeting -- then, the leader proceeds with the topic that they previously chose.

4. Whatever you do and whichever way you end up going -- feel confident that "Life had it's way in it." And, if someone else "rolled their eyes as if..." then, that's their business. If they had a problem w/ something -- they failed to say anything about it. And, let it rest in peace.

The thing that newcomers and old-timers MUST do is "stay sober so that they can live sober."

Thanks for the topic! I appreciate you.

Dallas

[alimac03]

Thanks Dallas,

You hit the nail on the head when you talked about trying to read minds. I think I've been doing that a little too often lately We have a small group and if one person gets rattled it upsets the whole apple cart. I need to remember the 4 agreements ( I realise that's not directly AA related - but good advice nonetheless.)

Thanks also for the suggestions I will use the "Anyone want to suggest a topic", at the next meeting and see how it goes

[chollis]

Dallas, I really like the idea of being confident and staying positive when in the meetings. Alimac03, the suggestion that I have for you is even though the discussion may not be about AA it should be something that won't offend or disrupt anyone. Hope this helps.

[Dallas]

Welcome to the site chollis! It's really great to have you here, and thank you for sharing and participating!!! It's very much appreciated.

Yep. I pretty much believe that much of the ideas and instructions in our Big Book -- are about helping us to grow, in understanding, in efficiency, in being positive, confident, happy, joyous, free and comfortable -- while sober.

And, often -- too much time gets spent on negativity and self-defeating thinking and staying in problems.

Best wishes to you!
I look forward to reading more from you.

Dallas