I went through very similar when I came to AA. If you read my first post, you will see that I was a very messed up person when I came in the doors of AA. I didn't speak for over a month, then it was minimal. When I finally spoke, I was blasted for "outside issues" the same way this other lady was. I wondered, if this was what AA was about, the harshness, the uncaring attitude, why stay? Yet, I did. I was reading my BB that night, when I realized in the stories that Dr. Bob was an addict. I read through the beginning of the BB where it spoke about Dr. Bob's career, grandfather, family, church, and many outside issues. I sat in wonder, what happened to AA? I read in the BB how Dr. Bob said he wanted not only Alcoholics to recover, but also countless others. NA and all the other groups weren't even thought of then. I didn't have a sponsor, but I went back to the meetings and continued to read my BB, using my HP as my main sponsor and finding a sponsor with skin on too. The next time I heard someone get blasted, I calmly and gently spoke about what I had learned from the BB, and what I felt it meant. I told them how the time I had in the AA program was the longest I'd ever had, but for me, every thing was an inside issue. Being an Alcoholic/Addict I used to make anything be a reason to drink or drug.
AA helped me to solve issues that years of counseling didn't touch. It helped me to stop drugging. It helped me to reunite with family and rebuild those relationships. It helped me to learn to love myself. It finally helped me to see that this person who blasted me, was not perfect, he had his imperfections just like I do. He was clinging to the letter of the law so hard to try to keep the meeting by the book that he could have cost a human life. (Same as what happened to your friend.) Was he wrong? I guess that would be a matter of opinion. Today I know what my answer is, it hasn't changed since I read the BB that had one of the stories titled, "Dr. Bob, Alcoholic/Addict." But hey, that's just one Alcoholic's opinion. We all need to be different. Difference is what makes this world worth living. It is what makes yin-yang, good & bad, sweet & sour. (Can you imagine Chinese food without sweet & sour??) It's what makes bikers & ballet dancers.
I think your group had the answer, you said it. They directed their responses to the girl in effort to help her. The same thing happened in my meeting. Some even voiced their displeasure of what had happened. Maybe that's why I stayed. Maybe I had just hit a low enough bottom for me. Unfortunately the statistics show that out of 5 people, one will die from this disease. Out of the 4 left, 3 will go back out. Only one will stay sober from the beginning. Sad statistic, considering all we need to do is come to meetings, work the steps, be honest and help others. (Basically clean house and trust God.)
One of the most difficult parts of being sober & clean for me is seeing those that I care about (everyone), go back out - and some die.
Thanks for letting me ramble...that's all I've got. I pass.