- Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?

Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?




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Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?

Postby Dallas » Sun Aug 21, 2005 8:51 am

Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?

What I was taught as a newcomer was… when I share my experience, strength and hope in a meeting, I’m supposed to be talking about me and my experience … not someone else. And, that’s what I do, when I share in a meeting.

Perhaps I’m so uniquely different… :lol: that this only happens to me… but when I talk about me in a room full of alcoholics… invariably and like clock-work… some alcoholics THINK that I’m talking about them.

I’m not a beat-around-the-bush kind of guy. I’m very blunt and I make sure that someone knows if I’m talking about them!!! :lol:

I’ll be talking about me… and they are SURE that I am talking about them!!! And, then they get angry at me, and they go to any lengths to let me know of their resentment. (Naturally, they are so sure I am talking about them... that they don't even need to ask me about it, to see if they are correct :lol:)

Sometimes, it’s funny. But, after a few times, with the same people… it gets to be a drag. And, after many times with the same people… it irritates the heck out of me to just be near them!

Have you had experiences like that? Or… am I really terminally unique in this? :lol:

Why do you suppose those people think I’m talking about them… when I’m talking about me?

Care to share?

Dallas
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Postby crickit » Mon Aug 22, 2005 1:06 pm

Hi Dallas; I haven't had that happen to me. I'd be the one that thought others were talking about me LOL. I can read a story out of the BB and think, OMG, that's my story LOL. I think because all of our stories are so similar that it does sound like the are talking about me. At first I thought it was being done on purpose to make me realize that I was an alcoholic and I did get offended. I know, outside the program, when I admit to someone that I'm an alcoholic they give me all kinds of reasons why they think I can't possibly be. Then I look at where it is coming from. Usually from people who don't want to look at the fact that they could possibly have the same problem. I think maybe that's what you may be running into at your meetings. Everyone is at different stages in there recovery and I know I don't like it when I realize I have another charactor defect that I didn't recognize before LOL but I don't get angry at the person telling their story anymore.

Don't let someone elses anger affect your progress. Remember TOLLERANCE. (don't you hate it when someone quotes something you yourself has posted LOL).

In my oppinion, this person isn't mad at you, they're mad at themselves. And we alcoholics love to blame others don't we. That was one of the things that was really hard for me to change. Anger is one of the easiest emotions to feel when you can't deal with the real emotions. Try not to take this persons anger personally. Keep an open mind and an open heart when dealing with people like that.

Take care Dallas, one day at a time,
Crickit
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Fri Nov 04, 2005 8:43 pm

come Dallas, ya should know the answer to this. its one of the main reasons why we are alky's! fear, insucrities, weakness, low self-esteem, , and my fave! "Looking in the Mirror" lol as long as we share without trying to cast any inner meanings, and yep, i guilty of it. then we can really carry the message. gratefull to be here today. bless you all, xo PC :wink:
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Postby Guitar Tim » Wed Nov 16, 2005 6:31 pm

"perhaps they, like us, we're spiritually sick". :lol:javascript:emoticon(':o')
Surprised
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Wed Nov 16, 2005 9:35 pm

hey Geetar, as Spiritman just showed us "WELCOME" you play the Guitar? music real important to my soul in recovery. soon will post about it. just seems, not enough time in day.. anyway Guitarman, nice to have your Exp., Strth., & Hp. with us. good wishes to ya, and bless. Da Zip ps, i'm a Drummer. Bada-Boom
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Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?

Postby Spiritman » Sat Nov 19, 2005 9:16 am

Why do THEY get mad... Mmmm.

Basic: humans get mad (angry, upset, resentful, etc.) when they feel threatened in some for or fashion: biological, psychological, social, and or spiritual.

When I get mad, when I percieve others are mad with me, I take a big step and ask simple questions:
How am I getting mad?
What threatend me?
What am I scared of?

MAD: Mutual Assured Destruction

MAD: My Attitude Directs



Peace,
The Spiritman
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Nov 19, 2005 2:38 pm

unbelieveable!!! was gunna respond early this morn. got IM from recovery bud. S.O.S HELP! car wont start, bring'a me ta work. on way over, i here the dreaded "Clunk" da F'n car wont move. tran'y i guess. pppfffttt!, start turn'n this day over to TPTB PC. so back to topic. MAD! nah, just shows that whats in the BB, on How it Works, and the 12 & 12, step's 4,8 about Sex, Society, and Securuity. natural instinct's, yup. prob, we Alky's tend to take to extremes. people or things dont always do, say, act or go as we like. what can happen? yep, we can get Mad, then build into resentment, then what? legodrink! ha, for today. what worked for me. goooood old Rule#62 i looked at situations, said PC, your sober today, and laugh'a my ass'a off. Let Go, Let God, you bet. ... i have a lot of things to do today. i work around the luxery stuff. in fact, a fello AA'r, come to both are rescue. if i was useing, i dont think anybody would have given me the time of day! and if they did! what would they expect in return? for today! Viv'a L'a Rule#62! ... i didn't take myself, or the problems to damm serious! my recovery bud, and i have way more important thins to be concerned about. Happy Trudging all. and have a PC kind of day, if it be TPTB's will :wink: got'a go now xxxooo Da Zip
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Postby Dallas » Sat Nov 19, 2005 4:43 pm

Just thought I would add a little to the above post.

Before I add to it, though... when I originally posted the topic... of "Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?" ... it was posted simply as a topic for discussion.

I wasn't having a problem with it that needed to be solved... just thought it would make for some interesting discussion. So, for those of you who may have been worried about me... rest assured... the worry was unnecessary. :lol: Kind of reminds me of suggesting a topic at a newcomers meeting on "How to go 24 hours without a drink" and someone invariably will come up to me after the meeting and say something like "Gee, Dallas... sorry to hear you're thinking about drinking! Maybe you need to call your sponsor!" :lol:

Now for my "adding a little to the post":

I can get mad (angry, upset, resentful, fearful, restless, irritable, discontented, uncomfortable) when I feel that someone or something has harmed, injured, or threatens to harm or injure me, physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially “Pocket-bookâ€
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Postby Rusty Zipper » Sat Nov 19, 2005 5:29 pm

hey Dallas! pretty soon, maybe we'll have ya on a Trip to Tahiti! :roll: xo RZ
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Postby crickit » Sun Nov 20, 2005 11:23 pm

Geez; I must be a complete opposite. My problem is that I don't get angry. I get hurt, upset, sad, insecure, guilty, shameful,scared etc instead but I just can't seem to get mad. My sponsor tends to think that I do actually get angry but I hide it in other emotions. So we are working on that one.

But anyway, Oct 27th was my grandsons 1st birthday. Of course I wasn't able to see him so I sent a birthday card along with my daughter to his birthday party they were having at my 1st husbands. No big deal right ?? Well last week my daughter in law IM's me to say not to send anything through my daughter anymore because my grandson won't get it. I told her 'that's why it was given to my son and not her'. Then she says 'well he just threw it out anyway so please don't send anything else'. I said 'no problem'.

When I talked to my sponsor about this she couldn't believe that I wasn't mad knowing that I dislike my daughter-in-law so much. I told her 'eventually my grandson will ask about his grandmothers (yes, he has banned her own mother from seeing him too) then what is she going to tell him. I just feel pity for her. Yes it hurts knowing that my son has turned on me too and that I won't be able to see my grandson but letting it crush me emotional isn't doing anyone any good. And me getting angry with her everytime she tries to bait me into an arguement isn't going to help either.

I just brought this up here because I seen to be having a problem getting anger. It's an emotion I have never felt comfortable with. I grew up with a lot of anger in my home and to this day, it scares me to death. My sponsor tells me that feeling angry can be productive too. It can motivate you to do positive things rather than bad. It's uncontrolled anger that causes a problem.

So since we are talking about being 'mad' can anyone give me an example of how your anger was used in a positive way. Maybe I should have started a new topic for this. Sorry Dallas, you can move this if you like.

BB
Crickit :)
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