- Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?

Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

Postby Dallas » Tue Dec 06, 2005 4:48 am

"Justified anger = Just-if-I'd never been sober!" :lol:

Big Book page 37 wrote: In some circumstances we have gone out deliberately to get drunk, feeling ourselves justified by nervousness, anger, worry, depression, jealousy or the like. But even in this type of beginning we are obliged to admit that our justification for a spree was insanely insufficient in the light of ... what always happened.


Justified anger!!! It's in the book. The results are in the gutter. :lol:

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Postby Rusty Zipper » Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:26 am

and justified anger better left to those more quilified. who's more quilified?... ppfftt!.... yep, any one other than a alcoholic!... ty, Zip
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Why do they get mad!?

Postby Disco Dave » Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:45 pm

Well, I've had that experience as well. Some times when I go to meetings and share my experience, strength and hope people get mad. There is often one thing that these people who get mad has in common, and that is that they haven't worked through the steps. This may sound harsh and intolerant but that has come to be my conclusion.
I think that they think that I'm talking about them because I often start to share about the problem (alcoholism) which every alcoholic can relate to (identification). And then I talk about how God and the program has released me from that. If you haven't worked through the steps and have been sober for a while on self will you might feel threatened by someone who says that they got rid of their problems by the help of God, especially the drinking problem (!).
The longer I stay sober without the program the sicker I get. If I'm a real alcoholic that is. And I will get mad at everyone who says that my way doesn't work. If I'm willing to change on the other hand, if I'm tired of living on my own strength, then I might just ask you what you did to recover. That's my experience.

A thankful and recovered alcoholic.
Much Love Disco Dave
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Postby Dallas » Tue Mar 07, 2006 10:58 pm

Thanks for your sharing Dave. I identify so much with you, and understand the problem the same way, to the point, that I could have probably signed your message! :lol:
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Why do people get mad

Postby wareagle10 » Mon Apr 24, 2006 3:50 am

I just read this thread and I have had this happen to me many times, in fact, I felt that way when I first came in. It was that I am not different than you are when it comes to "what" I was like when I was drinking and later when I first got sober.

Our stories are so much alike that I knew that you were talking about me by relating about your experiences. I wasn't fearful at what you were saying I knew, or thought I did, part of the answer and I was willing to approach you with my point of view. That is my experience with this topic.

Since then I have spoken at many meetings and afterward have been approached by individuals in the audience who felt that I was telling their story and they knew what was coming next because they had done the same thing. If anger was part of the equation I would surmise that it would be due to the fact that we are not unique when we think we are.

Take care and straight ahead, John.
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Postby cinderbobble » Tue Apr 25, 2006 6:01 pm

Well, I can only suggest what my sponsor says to me, 'it's an opportunity!' It is an opportunity to reach out and find out! I rather suspect you are speaking rhetorically because I think you know the answer. If people are getting angry because they think you are talkng about them, then they are not ready for the solution. Identification is what gives the first step unity, and they may be preferring denial at this time. However, (ahem), as MY experience has shown, oftentimes, I may be coming off as a know-it-all, and arrogant, and unwittingly put up walls that people can't get past. Then communication breaks down. The only thing I can think of, is it is not important what they think. Keep sharing your experience strength and hope, you can only do the footwork, and leave the results to God. We are not in control, and sometimes that is the message we should receive. Sometimes I really want a positive response, and getting none - I feel rejected. Then, I think is a good time to call my sponsor, who promptly reminds me that is not why I am there.

I may be totally off the wall far as your question, but these have been the thoughts I've had when I experience the response you're talking about.
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Postby Dallas » Tue Apr 25, 2006 11:31 pm

:lol: :lol: Cinderbobble!!! :lol: :lol:

I'm so glad you're here!!! Yep. You caught the rhet, huh? 8)
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Postby cinderbobble » Wed Apr 26, 2006 2:34 am

Off the subject, one time I called this old timer, and said I hated to go to meetings because I didn't feel a part of things. You know, the meeting after the meeting, nobody talked to me! Owch! Well, she said that she perceived a wall around me that I didn't want people to get close to me. She was trying to help, but I didn't know how I was doing this, and how to stop doing that. So I told her I didn't now how to breach that wall, or to get past it. She said that I had made a beginning when I picked up the phone and talked to her. Well, wouldn't you know, I went to the meeting that night, and it seemed that so many people came to talk to me, it was like everything she said was true. I was AMAZED! Sometimes, it seems the best help I get is when I talk to another alcoholic. It's happened many times. Not lately, though, so maybe I'd better get off my duff and focus on the solution again. Or maybe it is, and I'm not PAYING ATTENTION! (I'm sober aren't I?)
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Postby Dallas » Wed Apr 26, 2006 4:16 am

Before sobriety in AA, the only thing that could get me out of my shell, and breach my wall... was alcohol. I felt literally intimidated and shy and awkward in any social situation without a few drinks.... which was one of the reasons I had such a fear of being sober!

When I got to AA, I still felt out of place, shy and awkward, and didn't feel "a part of" as long as I waited for someone to ask me to do something.

When I realized that no one was going to ask me to do something... I looked around, and started creating my own jobs... like sweeping the floors, straightening up chairs, picking up trash and taking out the trash, and wiping off tables and counters at the end of the meetings. That finally got me out of my shell enough that I started showing up early to set up the meetings, make coffee, bring donuts or cookies, etceteras... and eventually, I was able to stand at the door and stick my hand out to welcome everyone to the meeting, as a greeter.

Suddenly, those actions had me feeling like I was "a part of" and it was amazing how people started talking to me... and saying hello to me, after I had been doing the same to them.

Somewhere along the way, I was told that "AA is preparing me for life outside AA." ... I didn't know how it was going to do that... so, I started doing what I did in meetings... while at the grocery store, and the junk stores... and department stores while shopping. I'd grab a shopping cart and bring it inside the store. If I saw trash on the ground... I'd pick it up and throw it away. I began to smile and say "Hello" to people I didn't know... and say things to clerks like "Thanks for coming in today! I really appreciate you coming in to work today!" .... it's funny, how, they often would smile back... or laugh... and sometimes say something like "Well, I'm glad you came in to shop!" ... And, I began to feel like I was "a part of" the world outside the AA meetings. And, guess what? I was able to start doing that... and feel good about it... while I was sober!!!!

Sometimes... it's kind of funny how this simple deal will work in all the areas of our lives!

Now, whenever I start feeling uncomfortable, awkward, timid, or shy, or feeling like "not a part of"... I know what to do about it.... Grab a broom, a mop, smile at someone, bring shopping carts inside a store... pick up trash... and welcome people just like I've known them all my life...

It works.... it really does! And, guess what? Now... sometimes... in the meetings... they actually ask me to do something! Imagine that!
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12 Step Alcohol and Drug Addiction Recovery | - Why do THEY get mad… when I talk about ME?