anniemac wrote:being able to see more than one side of things...it leads me to confusion and an inability to form an opinion and stick to it
I used to do that, too! Then, one day -- I asked myself "why does there need to be sides?" My answer was, "there wouldn't be two sides -- if I didn't have an opinion" So, I let go of my needs to have opinions and my need to have sides.
I think I got the idea after reading page 570, Big Book, 3rd Edition --
"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance -- that principle is contempt prior to investigation." -- Herbert Spencer
Whenever I've got an opinion -- about anything -- I've discovered that my opinion, at some place in my life will be wrong. Whenever I have an opinion -- I've closed my mind to the acceptance of new information. I'm filtering new information -- to fit my opinion, and if it doesn't fit my opinion, I have a tendency to reject the new information. If I do that -- I can't keep an open mind -- and if I can't keep an open mind -- I can't learn anything new. I can only continue to operate on my old opinions.
When I have opinions -- my life ends up getting managed by my opinions. So, I try to let go of my opinions -- absolutely, or -- I end up with the same results that I had when I tried to hold on to my old idea -- my results would be nil.
For me -- I've been trying to do it differently. Rather than have "opinions" -- I try to keep an open mind with "fresh ideas." This allows me to approach my life with more flexibility in my thinking and living. I become less rigid -- which means I'm less likely to break!
When I keep my mind open -- and free of opinions -- and filled with fresh new ideas -- I'm less likely to become disturbed, when I get "new information" that adds more light to my older ideas -- I can easily let go of the ones that don't work for me, and trade them out for ideas that produce better results for me.
When I have opinions -- it tends to make me "want to be right" about something, or "right" about my information. If I'm right about something -- that would make someone else wrong about something. And, if I'm thinking that someone else is wrong about something -- that's how I'll treat them -- I'll treat them wrong! It would be difficult for me to show them love and tolerance, and to have patience and understanding. I would be making them mad at me -- or, I would be disturbed because of them.
So... "what if" there were no "rights" or "lefts"? What if we're all -- round? It no longer has energy on it for me and I no longer have to be "right" about anything -- and if I don't have to be "right" about anything -- then, there is nothing to fight about! We are "alright" -- where we are. And, it will help me -- so that I am not fighting anything or anyone! I can be surrendered. And, there is great peace for me -- and countless others -- when I'm in surrender.
When my mind is open and easily to change with new ideas -- some idea or some person who I might of opposed -- may suddenly be my new idea!
"If" I'm not going to regret my past -- nor wish to shut the door upon it -- I better find a way to keep my past very short, or just try to live in a way so that I have no past! And, this helps me to live in "new and fresh moments" -- which work for me better than "new and fresh days." All I really have is "the moment". I may not have the end of the day! So, I want to enjoy the moment!
I guess it's kind of like trying to incorporate one of our Traditions into my thinking and living. I can see how A.A. benefits from having "no opinions" on outside issues. I decided "why not try to adopt that attitude into my daily living? What would happen -- if I tried to live free of opinions?" So far, the results have been good for me. I've been more peaceful, serene, happy, feeling good, and less and less have I gotten disturbed about much of anything. All I can really say is: "It works for me."
Then, on "having sides" or "looking at two sides" -- "What if... there were no sides?" And, "What if what I'm looking at -- is really round, and I'm only seeing sides? I wonder what's around the horizon -- or up, or down or around from here?" I've tried this too. And, it works for me.
anniemac wrote:what, then, would be the point in incorporating a 10th Step in your daily life?
No points! Or... I would have sides!
For me -- Step 10 is about Growth and Moving Forward.
I used to look at Step 10, as if it were for "maintenance." Then, I realized -- that it appears to me, that nothing in life really gets "maintained." If it got maintained -- there would never be anything new -- and the old would always be old. Most everything seems to either be growing or decaying and always changing. Life appears to always be moving. Changing. And, that's where I want to be -- out in the front of life, feeling the breeze as I move forward into growth and change. And, that's what I now use Step 10 for -- "a Growing and Changing Step".
Those are my ideas at this time! And, in the next few seconds -- all those ideas could change!