- If you haven't _____then you don't belong in these rooms..&q

If you haven't _____then you don't belong in these rooms..&q




Topics related to AA Meetings - and alcohol addiction recovery

If you haven't _____then you don't belong in these rooms..&q

Postby littlemiss » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:15 am

So. I went to an A.A. speaker meeting the other day...Mostly lots of elderly folks...like in their 70's & 80's...

An old-timer in his 80's spoke about how he's a "Bar Alcoholic" ...sat in them all day--the kind w/ no windows...blah-blah...& he actually said that IF you didn't get what he was talking about (hanging in those kind of dingy bars drinking ALL DAY LONG) you didn't belong in A.A....weren't an alcoholic he implied...

O-KAY! :roll: Well, he DID have other good insights/things to say...but Sheesh! I was able to chat w/ the few women there...put my phone # on the phone list...Will try other meetings...

I'm still reading the Big Book...Still reading this board & grateful that some kind soul has private messaged me... :) Bless Her...

Ann Marie
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 06, 2007 10:58 am

Yep. :lol: :lol: :lol:

Keep coming back! :wink:

There have been many times when I spoke in an AA meeting -- that later, as I would look back on it -- I would begin to think "Damn! I sure hope my AA speaking didn't drive some alkie back to drinking!" :lol:

My hope was... that if something I said led them to the brink of a drink... I hoped that they found another AA meeting and another AA speaker that didn't screw up as bad as I did!!! :lol:

I was real down in the dumps one time over an AA talk that I gave, when one of those old-timers looked at me and said "Let it go, kid. You ain't got the power to keep 'em sober and you ain't got the power to get 'em drunk!" What a relief that was!!!

I think you got the right idea littlemiss........ Keep trying different meetings. And, remember -- at speaker meetings, they usually always have a different speaker each week.

Something else I learned once, at a meeting.... (actually learned it more than once)... is that what I thought I heard wasn't exactly what the person said! :oops: And, that seems to happen to me often!

Someone shares "My name is Sarah and I'm an alcoholic" and I yell out "Welcome Clara! Glad you're here!" ... and the person next to me kind of punches me and says "she said her name is Sarah not Clara!" :oops:

It happened last night with an Angel that became Angela, and a lady from Austin that became San Antonio!!! I swear I don't do it on purpose!

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Postby anniemac » Sat Oct 06, 2007 2:15 pm

Hey Ann Marie ~

I've heard a fair share of that talk: "if you didn't physically withdraw from alcohol you're not an alcoholic", "if you didn't need to drink when you woke up...", "if you didn't come here from a hospital or jail cell...", on and on and on. When I was new I used to get very confused, not sure what was AA itself and what was opinion. I'd be thinking, well, gee, I know I'm an alcoholic, how can they tell me I'm not? Once I sorted through what was Program and what was opinion, then I'd get angry at these folks for spreading mis-information. Now I do my best to be tolerant and understand that everyone has different perspectives and most of these folks believe what they're saying, and that's okay by me, so long as I don't buy in to it and start thinking, well, gee, maybe I'm NOT an alcoholic..... :shock:
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Postby Dallas » Sat Oct 06, 2007 4:45 pm

It sure would have been nice to hear someone say something like, "If you've been unable to leave alcohol alone.... then, you're probably alcoholic."

Or, "if you've been unable to manage staying sober.... all the time... then perhaps your drinking is unmanageable and you're probably alcoholic."

I'm not sure if I would have heard it... but, it sure is the truth!

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Postby carol1017 » Sat Oct 06, 2007 11:12 pm

Tradition Three -- "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking".

Period.

It's interesting to note that Tradition Three was changed from its original version which said that the only requirement was an honest or sincere desire to stop drinking. Judging someone's sincerity or honesty is not within our ability to judge. If we can't judge that, how could we possibly judge whether someone is a "real" alcoholic? That is far too subjective.

If you say you're a member of AA, you are.
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Postby DebbieV » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:54 am

Thanks for the reminder on that Carol

Caorl Wrote:

It's interesting to note that Tradition Three was changed from its original version which said that the only requirement was an honest or sincere desire to stop drinking


I think that is two very important words to look at when trying to get sober, I have worked with a girl who said she had a desire to get sober, but I dont think she was honest about stopping. (just my opinion)

You can be a member of AA and come to a meeting every night drunk.

You can be a member of AA and not drink for that one hour or so.

You can be a member of AA and shoot heroin everyday.

You can be a member of AA and not ever pick up a BB.

You can not, in my opinion, stay a sober member of AA...UNTIL you take some action....get a sponsor, put down the bottle and any 'outside issues', and do the 12 steps with a qualified sponsor (or a qualified member of AA)

Do those things and you (in my opinion) have a good shot of becoming a SOBER member of AA and staying a SOBER member of AA. :D

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Postby Dallas » Sun Oct 07, 2007 12:37 pm

I didn't think LittleMiss was referring to Tradition Three or AA membership as much as she was referring to "what determines if you are alcoholic?".

However, by re-reading the original post... I'm not sure... what the main point is. :wink:

littlemiss wrote:he actually said that IF you didn't get what he was talking about (hanging in those kind of dingy bars drinking ALL DAY LONG) you didn't belong in A.A....weren't an alcoholic he implied...


We hear a lot of things in AA -- and, the way a particular thing strikes us on one day, it may be a different way of striking us on another day. :lol:

I guess it all depends on what condition our condition is in. :wink:

I guess that's why it's a safe bet for me to keep an attitude of "Live and Let Live" ....... and "Easy does it."

Regardless of when something, or someone, is right or wrong.... the time for love and tolerance and patience always seems to be now.

There has been at least once... that I said something stupid in AA! Some AA's may have tried to kick me out of AA for it -- but, I kept going back, anyway. :lol:

There is a tremendous amount of responsibility on the newcomer ... as to "how much they want sobriety" and "what lengths they are willing to go -- to get it."

When I was new -- I heard some really stupid stuff. However, now that I look back on it, some of the stupid stuff that I heard, was better than some of the stuff I was telling myself. :lol: And, if I let the stupid stuff stand between me and my sobriety ... it was me that was being stupid. :oops:

Today.... I still hear some really stupid stuff in AA. It doesn't bother me like it used to bother me to hear it.

Alcoholics are stubborn. You can tell them to turn right and they'll turn left just to prove that they can. Ask them to move forward -- and they'll put it in reverse. :lol: So, I doubt, in the long run... if our stupid-stuff is going to affect any of them anyway. The alcoholic does what the alcoholic wants to do -- for the alcoholics own reasons -- and not our reasons. They're often like stubborn two-year olds.

If we show them love and tolerance, and show them how we got over the drinking game -- and that we speak from experience rather than knowledge, we might accidently help someone! :lol:

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Postby carol1017 » Sun Oct 07, 2007 4:25 pm

I was so tired when I wrote my response -- maybe I should have waited. I apologize for any confusion.

What I read in the original post from Littlemiss was that a member of her group was comparing other's experience to his, and in essence, saying that his type of drinking/alcoholism was the only "real" type.

The point I was trying to make is that no matter what any individual member may think or say about being a member of AA, the tradition stands. I have seen people come to meetings drunk(repeatedly), I have seen them not take the program seriously, I have seen them take half-hearted steps. It is not up to me to judge whether that person is a "real alcoholic" or whether their desire is "honest or sincere". It is entirely up to the individual. Maybe they will "get it", maybe they won't, and maybe they just haven't had enough yet.

As has been discussed before, the elevator doesn't always go to the basement -- not every member of AA has found him/herself living under a bridge, not everyone did their drinking in bars -- however, the one thing that holds true about (as Debbie said) SOBER members of AA is that they had finally had enough. Enough of being sick and tired, enough to be willing to do whatever is required to achieve and maintain sobriety, and became desperate enough to take action.

We can't compare drunkalogues and determine what is alcoholism. If you think you have a problem, you probably do. Normal people don't have to think about controlling their drinking. That's what makes us "real" alcoholics -- no matter how much, how long or where we drank.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Oct 07, 2007 11:59 pm

Carol wrote:We can't compare drunkalogues and determine what is alcoholism. If you think you have a problem, you probably do. Normal people don't have to think about controlling their drinking. That's what makes us "real" alcoholics -- no matter how much, how long or where we drank.


Thanks Carol!

How true that is! It would be nice if we had a Welcome sign on the walls of each meeting... that had your words above. I know that it would have helped me to a better understanding when I was new. :wink:

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Postby littlemiss » Mon Oct 08, 2007 12:15 pm

carol1017 wrote:I was so tired when I wrote my response -- maybe I should have waited. I apologize for any confusion.

What I read in the original post from Littlemiss was that a member of her group was comparing other's experience to his, and in essence, saying that his type of drinking/alcoholism was the only "real" type.

Yes...but being the smart & sassy & savy gal that I am :wink: I can see what I need to take & what I need to throw away...the man STILL had a lot of truth to say...And I agree w/ Dallas...the insane crap we tell ourselves (the addict part in us anyway) is way worse... :lol:

The point I was trying to make is that no matter what any individual member may think or say about being a member of AA, the tradition stands. I have seen people come to meetings drunk(repeatedly), I have seen them not take the program seriously, I have seen them take half-hearted steps. It is not up to me to judge whether that person is a "real alcoholic" or whether their desire is "honest or sincere". It is entirely up to the individual. Maybe they will "get it", maybe they won't, and maybe they just haven't had enough yet.

As has been discussed before, the elevator doesn't always go to the basement -- not every member of AA has found him/herself living under a bridge, not everyone did their drinking in bars -- however, the one thing that holds true about (as Debbie said) SOBER members of AA is that they had finally had enough. Enough of being sick and tired, enough to be willing to do whatever is required to achieve and maintain sobriety, and became desperate enough to take action.

We can't compare drunkalogues and determine what is alcoholism. If you think you have a problem, you probably do. Normal people don't have to think about controlling their drinking. That's what makes us "real" alcoholics -- no matter how much, how long or where we drank.

Right...I'm trying to determine exactly HOW to go about getting sober...hope that doesn't sound dumb :roll: ...but where to start...
I will go to another A.A. meeting on Thursday...as that is when I can go during the day as I haven't talked to my husband about me wanting to quit yet...
I'm not sure if I want to tell him after I get some sobriety...or WHAT.
BUT, the last time I quit he knew I was going to A.A. meetings...BUT...I never did tell him how much I was drinking...that it's a most-nights thing before bed...that I sneak it so he doesn't know, ETC...
And yet, IF I DON'T tell him this...bring it into the light, I KNOW I won't have the accountability I so desperately & obviously need...yet it's terrifying to think about telling him...But, if I do, then I can truly be free & deal w/ getting sober...DUH!

HOW did some of you tell your spouses...come clean?

Thank you all...you are all helping me. Bless you...
Ann Marie
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