If you haven't _____then you don't belong in these rooms..&q

[anniemac]

Hi Ann Marie,

My husband was my drinking buddy, and I was petrified that stopping drinking would drive a serious wedge in our marriage. However, one day after a horrid night-before, I realized that I never wanted to drink again and that I was ready to go to AA.

Thankfully I was in a position to go to noon-time meetings. So, that's what I did. The noon group met 5 days a week and my husband did not know that I was going to AA. I just told him that I was "taking a break" because I was real embarrassed by that last drunk of mine. I think it took me over 3 weeks to sit him down and tell him that I was going to AA.

He was not a happy camper. He couldn't believe I was changing the rules (we drank together for 20 years). He told me that I wasn't an alcoholic. At that point I did not need to tell him each and every instance of my drinking that convinced me that I was indeed alcoholic; I simply told him that I believed that I was alcoholic and needed help.

My opportunity for amends and for giving him more info about the extent of my alcoholism came later on.

The amount you drink and whether you sneak it or not are not qualifications for AA, so I don't see a conflict between telling your husband that you are going to AA, and not yet disclosing the extent of your drinking until you are on more steady ground and better able to deal with that conversation.

I was told over and over and over again that no one else had to "get it", no one else needed to understand why I was in AA...that this is MY journey.

[littlemiss]

Annie...so did your husband quit drinking...?

[anniemac]

Ann Marie,

Yes and no. LOL! First of all, no, not at first. And it did drive a wedge in our marriage. But my sobriety was more important than anything to me. After a few years of me being sober and him being not sober, we started marriage counseling. I had "decided" that he was an alcoholic and needed AA. The counselor strongly suggested to him that he attend some open AA meetings or that I might leave one of these days. He did, and he did not at all identify. However, he also did not want me to leave. So, he basically stopped drinking. Now and then he will have one beer -- and that's when I realized that maybe he's not alcoholic, cause I certainly couldn't ever have had just one beer! So I've asked that he not drink at home or have alcohol at home, and I've told him that I don't need to know if he's had a beer somewhere. "Don't ask/don't tell" policy, so long as it doesn't interfere with our marriage. I haven't seen him have a drink in over 2 years, I haven't seen evidence of him having a beer in all that time. Has he? I don't know, and I no longer care.

Sorry for the long winded answer to a simple question!!

[Dallas]

Right...I'm trying to determine exactly HOW to go about getting sober...hope that doesn't sound dumb ...but where to start...

"but where to start..."

You start... by not having the next start!

After you take that next drink... you get sober and stay sober... by not taking the next start! (drink).

It's that simple!!!

Then, you use all the will power you've got -- (which will not be enough, but you must use all that you've got) -- to get your tush over to AA -- and ask for some help!

Then, you use all the will power you've got -- (which will not be enough, but you must use all that you've got) -- to follow the suggestions that they give you.

And, in following those suggestions and those actions -- it will put you in contact with a Power that is greater than all of your will power -- and, it will begin to do for you, what you haven't been able to do for yourself.

It's the actions! Action is the magic word! You have to use all the will power that you've got -- to take the actions -- that will lead you to sobriety and will keep you sober.

You start... by taking actions. You continue... by taking actions.

Stopping is a non-action. So, you don't focus on "stopping" even though your objective will be to stop. It's a paradox.

You focus on staying sober... you think about being sober... you take the actions to stay sober.

Your mind will attract and manifest what you think about. If you are thinking about "not drinking"... you are still thinking about "drinking."

You think about staying sober... and you take the actions to stay sober.

And, you start by asking for help! (That's an action!)

You make a decision that you want to stop drinking -- for good. Then, you ask God for help. And, God will have you go to AA to get help! It's already provided for you!

Not much of anything is going to happen... until you make that decision... that you want to stop drinking -- for good. As long as you have that reservation in your mind -- that someday, you'll be able to control and enjoy your drinking -- you're doomed. Just as soon as you let go of that reservation and desire to control and enjoy the drinking -- help is on the way.

But, to get over drinking -- if you are alcoholic -- you'll have to eventually make the decision to get over drinking, for good. Forever. (As it says in the Big Book).

So, you must answer the questions, that are in the Big Book:

1. Do you want to stop drinking for good, and forever?
2. Are you willing to go to any lengths to do it?

It will require a "yes" answer to both questions.

Without a "yes" answer to both questions -- your sobriety will be precarious... if any. And, without a "yes" answer to the first question -- you will not have enough willingness to answer "yes" to question #2.

That's where and when to start.............

Dallas

[Susan]

Hi Littlemiss , please go to some Big Book studies or some discussion meetings. That is about all I go to, very few leads. Do not give up.