Hello Lee!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
You seem to be doing just fine with the sharing. Perhaps, you're just thinking about it a little intensely.
And, for me... that would be normal.
If it took you 45 years of trudging to get here... I wouldn't expect that you would expect to expect too much of yourself in 73 days!
For me, change has been incremental... and it has taken a lot of time.
I suspect that what you're going to discover... is that you've always been a good person... and, a really good person at that. I'll even bet that you'll discover that not only were you a good person all along... but, that you just had some things going on inside you that were making it difficult for you to do the best that you could do... in any given moment.
One of those things that I discovered in myself... was how hard I was on myself. It was impossible for me to do the best that I could do -- when I was always beating up on myself. I didn't need any enemies. I had me against me.
That appears to be a trait that many of us share in common. We were mighty tough on ourselves. We thought bad things about ourselves and we expressed it by talking to ourselves and saying bad things to ourselves about ourselves. Then, after we were clobbering ourselves, we went out into the world and couldn't figure out why were felt so tired, worn down and depressed, and couldn't do better.
My suggestion would be to relax and take it easy -- but, not too relaxed or too easy.
There will be some work that you'll need to do -- but, don't rush it to the point that you expect too much out of yourself too soon.
The deal about being sober and staying sober, for me, has been to discover living life in a way that I could love living life sober -- and learning to love myself like I would love a dear friend, who was perhaps sick. I would want to do good things for them -- so, that meant looking for ways to do good things that were good for me.
If we can't pass on -- what we haven't got -- then, the greatest thing that we'll be able to pass on -- is to begin to really care about ourselves so that we can really begin to care about others.
Keep in mind -- that you are helping us. Just you being here with your new found sobriety and way of life, and sharing it with us -- is helping us. And, we appreciate it and we appreciate you!
So, just hang out here with us and share what's going on for you, as it's going on for you, and it will help us, and because it helps us, it will help you. And, that's about how it works.
Thank you for being here Lee. I appreciate you.... and I appreciate you sharing.