My name is Derek and I'm an alcoholic. I just had to share today with everyone.
I have been sober for 73 days now. There have been some miserable days in those 73 but none worse than the last 2 weeks. i have been out of work since my last legal mishap and have went through counseling and an intensive outpatient program. This was all a recommendation of my employer and I readily agreed. I have worked there for 25 years and did not want to lose that.
The day I got out of jail from my trouble I found an AA meeting. 11 years ago I tried AA and it was the only thing that ever kept me sober. I started going to meetings and then started the counseling and the outpatient program. My company had told me that once I finished the program I could come back to work under certain conditions.
I commenced from the outpatient program 2 weeks ago. About this same time I finally got up the nerve to get a permanent sponsor. I had been talking to the group when I felt I needed to. I told my new sponsor I needed help working the steps. He said we would start a 12 step workshop because we have a few needing to start working the steps. We have had 2 meetings so far and it has been wonderful.
Well for 2 weeks work never called me to come back. I had done everything that was required and still no call to come back. I had prayed over and over and still nothing.
Monday night after our meeting I was talking with my sponsor about how I had been feeling, impatient and certainly full of self pity. He kept telling me I had to hand all this to God. It was not in my hands. Tuesday he called me and told me to read page 86 in the BB and then read it a few more times. Well I did this and saw what I did not know how to do. I did not know how to pray. I had been telling God what he needed to do for me, that this was important for me and needed to happen. I had to ask, not tell.
I started doing this each morning, during the day, and at night. I felt much better but still had those moments of sheer misery. I went to the noon meeting today because I really needed it. I had even had the thought this morning that a drink would not solve it but it would make me feel better. I shared my feelings at the meeting and felt a little better. After the meeting a lady in the program who is dear to my heart told me one more time, Just let God have it. If it is his will it will happen. I got home and they called me to be back at work in the morning.
This morning my mental and emotional state was about shot and I was as close to relapse as I have been. This afternoon God blessed me. He blessed my family and anyone whos been around me lately. And I am still sober by his Grace.
I know this was rambling but I just needed to share. Thanks