I have been doing my share of reflecting lately. Back in time both from my drunk a log and my early sobriety. I check in with my drunk a log every once in a while just to see how far my Hp has brought me.
One of the things I remember saying a lot both when I was drinking and for quite a while after was I will never ......................And then I would.
Some of the most demoralizing behaviors I displayed when I was drunk were all things I had at one time or another said I would never do. In my early sobriety I also said never a lot. Then found it very difficult not to. I will never forget to pray, I will never forget to read.........And then I did.
Today I try not to say never, or even I promise both words have a sense of finality that is just some times impossible to keep, if we are truly staying in Gods will. We don't know what his will is for us until the moment comes. Promises are made on good intentions, but as we know life happens, promises aren't kept, and then we feel inferior, guilty, afraid of what people will think.
I heard a man say in a meeting once that Gods plans for him were none of his buisness. I didn't understand what he ment then, but I think I do know. I need to be responcible for my actions and my words. I don't know what the future holds, because I am living in today, so to make a promise, like I wont do that or I'll never forget that, we are setting ourselves up for failure.
I will try my best with Hps help to not forget to pray, and to read my book, and to keep in touch with my AA friends. I will do as much as I can today. I can't ask any more of myself than that. Of course I have to be honest in my efforts as well. That's the tricky part.