There have been many times where, something that I know I've read and have read at meetings--done many times...then...out of the blue...
! The words will strike something "new", giving them an entirely different meaning...for me
. That is why, when I hear of people who honestly believe that they have done the steps, only once...believing that if you "do them right the first time, you never have to do them again," concerns me--I am concerned about that person. Maybe that's the way it is for them, but my own personal experience with the steps has shown me that if I would have done them only once, I would have sold myself short on what was yet to come. Recovery is a journey. Once I did my steps a couple of times was I only then able to embrace the program. Today, situations occur that indeed stun me, yet..."somehow" ### as I understand ####, I go through the situation remaining calm...I believe that it is the program, in turn...working for me...showing me the meaning of "it works if you work it".
If I have honestly and truthfully, without reservation, handed my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand Him, He will step in and the ugliest moments become manageable--yet, I
have put no conscious thought into it. What I've learned, and this is a biggie for me...when I keep my mouth shut, and don't get wrapped up in any entanglement, even when the other party would really like me to...things go well. One can't argue with someone who just looks at you, waiting patiently for the words to finish--and when the other person is standing there, waiting
, eagerly for you to say something...they begin to look so baffled, and they back away when I say nothing. We can hang up on an annoying telephone salesperson, shut the door on a door-to-door salesperson--we can, in effect, "hang-up" on the person before us. I even find humor today, in how confused the other person will look
. One of the things I was taught in show business was, (and a good example is a heckler), when they do all the talking, and you don't feed them any word what-so-ever, and, in fact, leave the "spot-light" dangle on them, they retreat. The same works everywhere...I just had to be sober for a few years, and do the steps a few times, to finally figure that out
. It bugs the heck out of the other person
. My point is...### think???####...I used to be one to get into it with the other person, get all ruffled and bent out of shape. If you wanted to play push&shove, you picked the wrong person, because I'd play back--only...I'd be hurt #######, angry...then resentful...and hang-on to it...forever
. Be angry about a tragedy, angry at the people around how could've should've been different, because then the tragedy wouldn't have happened. Replay and replay moments in time that are ALLLL past&history, except for in my mind. Over time, I am discovering that these principles...this solution
that we have, does indeed, work in all aspects of life, in all situations. "To practice these principles in all our affairs"...takes, well...practice
..and awareness. The ability to recognize that things that happen are just things that happen, they are not a personal attack...and yes...sometimes, other people are quite wrong...when they are wrong, and we know it, rather than reacting defensively (which is more customary for me to do), there is Something, higher than me (Higher Power), Who now makes it so that I--remain calm. When the dust settles, and it's worked out rationally, I'm not hurt...and the other person realizes and, sometimes, actually admits their wrong--which is ultimately what we try to achieve by "fighting back". In this program, the desired results are, in fact, achieved. The key...is not to retaliate...move away from the point of the flare up, talk it over with someone who is mutual (TALK), and move on.
No other person is worth my sobriety. No situation is worth my sobriety. I can't stop situations and people, but I can change...my thought patterns, by prayer, practicing the principles and working the steps, and talking to people who understand&know what it's like. The thought pattern I needed to change was the "by myself" pattern. "I can do this by myself; work this out myself; figure it out for myself...". That's the thinking that leads to drinking. Trust the BB, trust the program&the principles, trust...God as I understand Him...be honest with myself
about how I do, indeed, feel, and the rest seems to fall into place.
There's a line I heard, and it is one that I have been focussing on, and that is: know your limits and stay within them. Recognize when something is over my head, and admit when something is more than I can handle (pride). There isn't one thing wrong with asking for help.
Easy Does It.