thanx_2hm wrote:I allowed my son to move back in, pot smoking and all. Thing about it is, he's SOOOOO angry and hateful. He treats people so mean and that sense of entitlement I established in him all his life is in full force right now. Unfortunately I haven't learned how to not react to his anger and I get angry, end up screaming and cussing at him telling him how bad he treats people and look how I'm treating him
Sounds like you got your hands full. This looks like a tall order, and I understand probably a lot of your feelings.
My son recently asked to move back. I said no. I wanted to avoid a similar situation and drama that you're facing. It's hard to not react to an older child's anger and hurt because some of us feel responsible for the mess they make of their lives because when we were raising them, we made mistatkes that we see coming back in our faces.
Try to remember that your son is a grown man, and he is responsible for his anger and hurt. You are not. The state of North Carolina can, and will, make it clear to him that certain forms of anger and hate are not tolerated. You are not responsible for his reactions to life.
If I pull the trigger on a weapon, if I throw a brick through a store window, if I steal a neighbor's TV, I can believe any excuse my alcoholic mind tells me. But the bottom line is that I will be held responsible for my actions by the state. I'm the one who did it . God didn't do it. My parents didn't do it.
You are not responsible for his hurt or anger. The book says "frothy" or emotional appeals seldom work. Only he can work through his issues, and that won't happen until his pain gets to the unbearable point and he becomes willing to try something different There is a direct relationship between inner pain and willingness.
Your angry responses are understandable; but they are only words on the wind to your son. You deserve the serenity you are seeking. I pray you continue to do more of the things that will keep you striving to pursue peace (such as self-sacrifice and unselfish constructive action) and less of the things that block the sunlight of the spirit.
I know that isn't an easy task, and my heart goes out to you.