Welcome to the site, Weary Lion. My heart goes out to you.
I really admire you in having what it must take -- to keep loving her and trying to help her. I know it's probably got to be one of the toughest jobs in the world! I tried it once -- and, I failed at it. I wanted to be able to do it, and I thought that I would be able to do it -- but, I couldn't do it. It really tore me apart inside like nothing has ever torn me apart. I loved her with a love that I had never known was possible -- and I tried to help her, until it nearly took my own life and my sobriety. I'm praying for you, that your case will be different. And, it can be different, too. I've known of others -- that had that same quality that you have -- and they got through it too. In some cases the spouse got better. And, in some cases they didn't. But, even in the ones that didn't -- they never gave up trying.
Thank you for sharing your experience. You've helped me.
I wish I knew what to say to help you in your situation and to be able to help your wife, too.
One thing that helped me a lot -- was, I made some friends with AA's sister-Fellowship -- Al-Anon. The Al-Anon's were able to give me many good suggestions that helped me. It didn't do me any good in helping my wife -- but, it helped me. And, of course, maybe, in the long run -- it might have helped the wife. I don't know, because I haven't had any contact with her in many years. I hope and pray, that somewhere, somehow, someway... she is sober and enjoying the good life, today.
The first thing that flashed into my mind, as I was reading your story was: To ask you a question. Is your wife taking any medication to lower her cholesteral?
The reason I ask is: My doc put me on some meds to lower my cholesteral (heck I can't even spell it right)... and I developed leg pains like you describe that your wife is having. My leg pains were so severe that I had to stop taking the meds. When I talked to my doc about it -- I discovered from her -- that it was a very common side effect to statin drugs. (I may not have spelled statin right either... I'm not a medical guy and have no expertise whatsoever with medical stuff).
The pain I had in my legs felt like something inside my legs eating away the muscles and deep in the bones, too. My bones felt like something was eating them up and the pain felt like my bones were being broken apart. Very painful.
I don't know if I shared anything that might give you any clues or not on possibly another something to look into -- but, I hope it's been helpful to you, or maybe helpful to someone else.
I guess, my thinking is: if there turns out to be something simple, that at least helps with the pain in the legs -- maybe it could foster the hope or a spark of open-minded possibility thinking for you wife -- that maybe... there's hope for her drinking problem, too.
There is hope for her -- in regards to the drinking. Over the last 22 years, I've seen hundreds, if not thousands -- of alcoholics, that have discovered a solution to their problem with alcohol.
I certainly don't have much God-clout. But, I will be saying some prayers for God to give you and her guidance and direction.
P.S. Please keep coming back. Someone on here might have some real answers and some help for you. Also, I sure would be interested in reading some follow ups from you. Perhaps, you'll make some discoveries that you can share here -- that will be of help and service to others who are dealing with the same things that you are dealing with.