- I'm recovering. He isn't.

I'm recovering. He isn't.




A discussion of topics related to relationships in recovery and treatment

I'm recovering. He isn't.

Postby lotusjewel010908 » Sun Oct 31, 2010 3:17 am

Well, I've been sober for 2yrs now. I am married with children. We both are alcoholic and have partied together from day 1 of meeting years ago. We are also addicts...(I think it's funny to have to keep that separate from "alcoholics" since I'm addicted to alcohol too.) Alcohol is what took me down in the end so I identify as alcoholic.

My deal right now is that he is, just now after 2yrs of me in recovery, beginning to rebel against me and my sobriety. He showed support for me in the beginning when I quit drinking by not drinking in our home. This is where we always tied it on good towards the end of my drinking days. So long story short I am finding myself face to face with the alcoholic demon within him when he is drunk (which has been more frequent lately). I was lucky in the beginning because I was able to apply the principles of the 12 steps towards our "alanon" relationship. Maybe it was the "pink cloud" effect IDK. I wish I could just walk away from this and get out on my own but we have kids and I'm a stay home mom who is working on achieving my education which has been put on hold for quite some time. I have NO money so I can't just leave. His family has money and they will take them (my kids) from me easily because I have no money to support my babies with. I just need to hear from someone who may have been in or who is currently in my situation. Even just some words of encouragement from you who may feel compelled to share experience, strength and/or hope with me. I don't want to drink although the thought has been fleeting along with maybe taking some pills or something. I know that's not the answer but I am in so much pain right now. I've been to a couple alanon mtgs but to me it's just a bunch of whiney asses....lol. I like solution based mtgs. So here I am whining about my crap! haha.

I am praying more than ever lately and it seems the more I pray the more intense he becomes towards me...weird. I'm thinking God (HP) is working on something with this but I don't like how it feels. I know.....I'm trying to run the show aren't I....UGH.

Thanks for letting me share :)
Last edited by lotusjewel010908 on Mon Nov 01, 2010 2:23 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Postby Dallas » Sun Oct 31, 2010 1:25 pm

Thanks for sharing. I'm not in, have never been in, and would never be in a situation like you described -- so, I can't offer to share any of my experience w/ you, on the topic. I have sponsored others who had similar circumstances. They refused to follow direction and instead ended up going back out killing themselves w/ alcohol and drugs. They had their whiney excuses "why" they had to stay in the relationship and do what they were doing. And, today -- they have nothing. No relationship. No home. No kids. No education. No job. No money. No future that offers anything positive. And, now -- they have serious physical and mental handicaps. Best wishes to you!

Dallas
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Postby lotusjewel010908 » Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:06 pm

Dallas wrote:Thanks for sharing. I'm not in, have never been in, and would never be in a situation like you described -- so, I can't offer to share any of my experience w/ you, on the topic. I have sponsored others who had similar circumstances. They refused to follow direction and instead ended up going back out killing themselves w/ alcohol and drugs. They had their whiney excuses "why" they had to stay in the relationship and do what they were doing. And, today -- they have nothing. No relationship. No home. No kids. No education. No job. No money. No future that offers anything positive. And, now -- they have serious physical and mental handicaps. Best wishes to you!

Dallas




Thanks for sharing with me. Believe me I know I should leave. It's easier said than done. I intend to be the exception to what you say about the ones you've sponsored above. I won't waste my entire life living in this situation. I just have to finish school and get out on my own. I am continuing with my steps and will keep sponsoring and going to meetings. That's what has helped me last this long in this relationship. I have to continually work on my perception of my relationship with him and this certainly helps. Sometimes my "new pair of glasses" fall off and I have to pick them up, dust them off and put them back on again. I'm not trying to change him that's for sure. I won't keep him from his bottom....if he even has one that doesn't include death. He knows that the most important thing in my life is my sobriety first and foremost. As we all should know....without healthy sobriety I have nothing. Thanks again.
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