Long Distance Romance and Recovery

A discussion of topics about relationships in Recovery
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Joined: Sun Jan 09, 2011 9:20 pm

Long Distance Romance and Recovery

Postby sparklek » Fri Jan 21, 2011 4:50 pm

Krystal, alcoholic. I made a decision a while back to take a job abroad. Before leaving I met a wonderful sober alcoholic and we quickly fell in love. Next thing you know, I am abroad and we are nearly living our lives on skype.

The first three months being away were rocky as we both dealt with our insecurities. My character defects popped up like never before. I really got further into steps 6 and 7. I also began holding on to the program the way I did in my first 6 months, like a drowning man/woman.

Coming home for the holidays meant being together and again facing character defects face to face. The first week was rough as I was pretty exhausted and cranky overall. But, we got through and really had a wonderful time together. We fellowshiped in our groups seperately and together at times. We went out, stayed in, just had fun.

He realized some truths about himself as did I and the New Year saw a prayful recommitment to, with God's help, continue trudging this road of change.

Coming back has been really hard for me. Leaving was bad and being here in some ways, is even worse. He plans to visit in April and I will be returning home in June for good.

I guess what I am dealing with is just basic human emotion. You know, the kind I have been running from with the bottle prior to getting here??? I have not thought drink at any point and continue to go to meetings, reach out, listen to speaker tapes, read, etc. I am not sure what I think should happen but I am certainly having to admit that I feel really sad sometimes and sitting still in that is tough.

I am writing this to share and also to reach out for any experience, strength and hope anyone may have. Staying out of regrets and fears of the future is a daily walk and lets just say this relationship at a distance has been major practice in that.

Not sure what to do but keep doing what I am doing and accept that some things are just difficult. Any thoughts?

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Joined: Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:10 am

Postby Ranman99 » Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:43 am

Ya it's weird there was one period when it was easier for a few weeks when I thought divorce was imminent. Then after the program started to take hold I actually had to get off my butt and do some work. Now I just try to be of service every where and it all seems to work out.

It was kinda weird.


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Joined: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:14 pm

Postby merckx » Wed Jul 06, 2011 6:53 am

I have found out that of all my relationships, my relationship w/ my wife is the one that is most likely to reveal my defects of character. Sometimes I am the one who realizes the defect and other times she shows them to me. Knowing and being known by another person is tough in person, let alone at a distance. My relationship w/ my wife requires daily practicing acceptance.

Second to that relationship in revealing defects is my relationship w/ my newborn son. After losing our son last year who was born still at 38 weeks, this new life has stirred up fear and insecurity about the future, along w/ a great deal of sadness. I am daily reminded about the son I lost when I look out our newborn. (He looks just like his older brother) I too am working on "sitting still in my sadness".

We've all heard the saying, "The good thing about sobriety is you get your feelings back, the bad thing about sobriety is you get your feelings back". My experience has been that feelings are neutral, neither healthy or unhealthly, good nor bad. How I act on my feelings defines the outcomes of my feelings. My actions are healthy or unhealthy.

That I am finding defects of character through my relationships with others and am willing to turn them over to God, lets me know that I am sober, not only in body but also in mind. That I have feelings, some less enjoyable than others, lets me know not only that I am sober but also that I am human.

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