Then, and only then wrote:Not only I have experience in this, but also I am in it. This post being my very first one, I think it shows how much I am hurting!
I am 45 years old, married 21 years, sober 3 years. My wife and I have a beautiful 5 years old son. Just about every night, since the last Thanksgiving, I thought about getting out, in details. Then, the next morning, when I drop my son off at his school, I see hope.
Then, I tell myself, it is me, I can not do that to my son, it is not that bad, it will be better, and do it all over again. I almost feel like I am getting used to it. The fresh wound, bandage, another cut, bandage.....
I have a friend, one of us, who is 10 years older, he had 15 year sober, went out for 4, back in the rooms for the last 3.5 years. He has divorced when he first got sober, raised his 2 sons, succeed in his business, enjoyed the gift, then trashed it while he was out. He suggests to stay in this roller coaster, strongly suggests. I trust his judgement.
Besides, I do not know what is good for me. I dunno. Try reading step 12 on 12 x 12. It says something like we reapaired or we learned to accept what we can not in marriage. I am going to try the other half from now on. Learn to accept what I can not change, funny, I hear that somewhere. Best of luck and HP to you and me.
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