Dallas wrote:Funny, how so many women have said to me in my past (something similar to) ... "You seem so unavailable. A woman would have to run over you with a truck for you to get it that she's interest in you!"?"
Kinda brings to mind the expression "Lug Wrench"
(Really - I luv ya brother!)
Dallas wrote:Heck, and here I am thinking that I could stand on a busy street corner holding a big sign up that said "Will work for love and attention!" ... and, nobody would see me! And, if they did, they'd just look and say something like "what's wrong with that guy, anyway?"
The visual on this has me rolling!
OK now to more serious things -
Kelly - The "no relationships in the first year" is not right. That is a "he said - she said" twisted up thing that gets a lot of controversy. Here is the basis of that expression - comes from the Cleveland/Akron area. It was this way when I cam into the rooms but it evolved into that other thing:
"Avoid making any major decisions in the first year of your sobriety."
For most folks, getting into or out of a realtionship is a "major decision". That's the way the long-timers put it to me. And it does make sense to a certain degree, but the numbers 1 year or 12 months are not even a good thing to go by. Let me explain.
I could be sober (or dry) a year and not got through my 4th and 5th step. According to the saying, I would be ready to get into a relationship. Well I think not.
A suggestion I give to my proteges is this:
- The FIRST relationship you have is the most important. That relationship is the basis of all other relationships. That is your relationship with a God of your understanding. The only way to have a strong enough relationship with God is to work through the 12-steps to the best of your ability. It might take a year, more than a year, or less than a year. But the book says "See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others."
To me that is clear as a bell. I'm not sure if there is a better passage in the book that stresses a relationship then this one. If I don't have a daily working relationship with a God of my understanding, I can't expect to have any kind of a relationship with another human that is complete or "healthy" as some might say.
Dallas mentioned this one, and I believe it is just as crucial, so I'll start mentioning this to the new guys, too. I must have a working relationship with my sobriety/recovery.
This isn't high school where we graduate. We're in these classrooms for the remainder of life if we want to stay sober, happy, joyous, and free. The book says it this way:
"My friend had emphasized the absolute necessity of demonstrting these principles in all my affairs. Particularly was it imperative to work with others as he worked with me. Faith without works is dead, he said. And how appallingly true for the alcoholic. For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead."
(see page 14-15)
"The spiritual life is not a theory. We have to live it
(see page 83).
"We have entered the world of the Spirit. Our next function is to grow in understanding and effectiveness. This is not an overnight matter. It should continue for our lifetime
(see page 84).
That's why I say, Kelly. you can't put a darn silly number on "relationships". Hogwash! Some folks could take 5 years to get these things down. Somebody else could take 8 months.
I believe the key to any relationships are these two relationships. And it's OK to look forward to them as you said. But I wouldn't let that dominate my thoughts. What works for me is just as simple. I heard this saying and by golly if I work my hardest to live by it, everything, and I mean EVERYTHING including relationships, works itself out in the best possible way.
"Happiness is the byproduct of a life well-lived."
So if I live my life according to these "few simple rules" (12 steps), if I have the H.O.W. sobriety works (Honesty, Open-mindedness, and Willingness), and I'm willing to put God first, others including you next, and myself in the third-seat back, this "station-wagon" ride called life turns into the best journey ever.