Jeff wrote:Back to the dating thing. I eventually did find myself with the opportunity to date a couple of girls that I met at AA meetings. This was when I had around a year and a half sober. Neither instance went well. The first girl pursued me, and I said OK, sure, I guess so. She dumped me less than a week later, after I made her cry. I guess you could say I pursued the second one -- in retrospect I think I grossly mis-read the "signals". Anyway, that lasted around two weeks, if I recall correctly, and wound up with her being mildly emotionally traumatized.
Hey Jeff! Thanks for jumping in here with us!
I sure understand about that quote!
And, "we" seem to always be the blame for their emotional instabilities.
Or... that's what I usually hear.
For me, life seems to stay pretty smooth when I meet someone in a grocery store or at a restaurant... instead of in an AA meeting.
My negative experiences have been such... that I avoid it at all opportunity.
The package always looks wonderful on the outside... it's when you open it that you're in for the surprise of your life.
Now, I know some AA ladys might take that as bashing... and I don't mean that at all. There are some wonderful AA ladys... we have some of them right here in the forum. And, they seem to stay wonderful... while they are hooked up to someone else. I live in a small town and I have enough problems... so I don't like to add to my fires... by risking having problems in the few meetings available that I might need some day for my own emotional twists.
And, I'm sure that for women... their experiences are often the same as mine... except it involves the guys. I know of one lady who totally gave up dating any guy in recovery because she went through problem after problem and finally got tired of being sick and tired of being sick and tired... and having Home Group problems rather than working out private relationship problems. AA's can seem to get a bit nosey.... and when they don't feel comfortable taking their own inventories... they may look for the next convenient topic to make a list on.
I wrote a bunch more here... but, I got chicken to post it and I cut it out.
It is nice at conventions and round-ups... being single and flirting with any of those wonderful ladys that will share a glance at me!
Sometimes, the guys will say something like "Gees! You flirt with all of them don't you! Doesn't matter what size, shape, or age!" Yep. There is nothing more beautiful in all of God's creation than a woman! All of them... excluding none... are the Crown Jewels of His creation! The only thing that comes near 2nd place in the beauty of a woman... is little puppies (and I love all of those, too!) !!!
A lot of times... I don't recognize it as flirting. To me, it's just being open and friendly. You see... all my life before I got sober... I was really shy. I had to work hard to make it look like I wasn't shy. And, I did work hard at it. And, I would drink so that I would have the courage that I wished I had... in regards to women. I was scared and shy. They were so beautiful and awesome.... and I knew my heart was so sensitive that it would just kill me to get it broken with rejection. Then, after I got sober in AA... and started going to AA events and socializing with other people without drinking (women)... and doing my Steps, and becoming willing to open up and share my deepest secrets... it became easier for me to meet people.
I had been listening to AA's talk about "practicing these principles in all of our affairs" and how "real life sober living is what you do after you leave the meetings... and things like "AA prepares you to be a good citizen... and a good member of your community... and a part of society instead of apart from society"... so... I began trying it out. I started treating a waitress, or the lady at the dry cleaners, or the clerk at the super-market as if they were other AA members, too.
I began introducing myself to them just like I would try to introduce myself to every newcomer at a meeting. I smiled at them and asked them how they were doing. I let them know that I cared about them... and still to this day... when I go into a place of business, like a Walmart or something... I thank the people who are employees for coming in to work today! (Give it a try sometime... it's awesome... just look at them and mean it and say "Thank you for coming in to work today... I really appreciate you!" ... it makes them smile. It opens them up. Sometimes, it takes a load off them because someone had been a big jerk to them). I began making friends anywhere I found people. If I saw someone with their car broken down I'd pull over and see if they needed help... my thoughts were... "Gee, that person could be a sober person, too... and having a hard time... maybe they need help."
I was living in Los Angeles when I started doing that... lots of people there!
I'll tell you what... when my AA friends or someone I was dating were out in public with me... it felt like a huge rush when they would say things to me like "Is there anyone that you don't know or that doesn't know you? You know everyone and everyone knows you!" That would lift me right out of my socks! Way more than a few drinks would have lifted me up!
That's when I started thinking things like "You know... these are all of God's kids... and every person is one of God's kids... and if we're all God's kids... then we're all related. We're all family." And, I began to feel that way. I never met a stranger after that. I began to feel a connection to all people regardless of where I was... just like I felt about them in an AA meeting. And, that's a great feeling. Because, I never felt alone again. That feeling of being different -- wen't away. I recognized that God created us all different. That's the way He wanted it.
Now... I know I've been writing way too much here using God... so, I better wrap this up before I ruin my reputation... and somebody will think I'm one of those God-people and run! !!! Then, I wouldn't be able to help them! Got to keep them thinking I'm heathenized!
I can help more people that way!