Nice to hear from you.
Is it possible... that this is what happened for you? Often, it's what happens for me........
1. Something happened.
2. Later, you started to think
3. And, that's what caused all of your problems.
If that's true -- we have now identified the problem, reduced it to a formula, and the solution becomes obvious.
1. It doesn't really matter what happened. Like you said, something was touched in your sub-conscious and got you stirring. Something
means it could have been anything
-- so, in regards to the problem -- it didn't matter who the lady was or what she did. Something was going to get you stirring.
2. It's our thinking
about the somethings
that always causes our problems. We often think
that it's about someone else or what they did -- and when we're not doing that, we think
it's about us, or it is us, and/or what we did.
3. Most all of our problems can simply vanish and disappear -- the moment we change our thinking
about the problem.
This is part of what I believe that Bill W., was referring to when he wrote "the problem centers in the mind."
I can tell you how it works for me: I go through the day having a pretty good day. Then, late at night... I wake up and decide I'm having a hard time going back to sleep. So, I go nuke me a cup of coffee. And, I start thinking. Then, I realize that I'm upset with something someone did or said. It was either them or me -- but, someone did something, and now I'm thinking about it..... and now it's a problem, and the problem is getting bigger.
Here's what I've discovered about those times.
1. I was probably feeling guilty about something.
Now, if you're like me at all -- you don't need a legitimate reason to feel guilt.... it just falls on you like bricks falling off a wall and onto the top of your head! It just comes. It's kind of like depression and misery and morbid reflection... is just seems to come out of nowhere.
Then, our keen alcoholic mind says "I'm gonna figure this out!"
And, we spend a bunch of good time that ends up to be wasted time doing a bunch of self-analysis over something that doesn't matter anyway.
Why doesn't it matter? Because we couldn't change it anyway, if it came from them. And, it doesn't appear that we can change it either, if it comes from us!
In a nutshell -- it comes down to Rule #62: We're taking ourselves and others and all the stuff that happens -- way too serious.
We're letting other people and what they do rent space in our head. And, while they're in our head, they ain't paying the rent, which means when their gone, they're not going to pay the rent -- so, who ends up paying it? We do.
So, the real question is: "How do we change this?"
And, the solution is so simple we almost always miss it.
We change what we're thinking about. Period.
We begin to take actions to keep our mind on what we want -- and off of what we don't want.
The bottomline is: We will attract what we think about.
If we're feeling guilty -- we've been thinking guilty -- sometimes on a sub-conscious level. We didn't actually do anything to feel the guilt ... we were just thinking and not being aware of what we were thinking.
It's sort of like that "sense of impending doom" that some of us periodically get.
The entire constructive aspects of Steps 4 through 9, is for one purpose: to give us a conscious reason -- to go ahead and change our mind about something, and change how we're thinking about it.... so that we can finally let it go and move on with our lives.
There are times, when we'll sit around anal-eyezing something, and trying to work the Steps on it, and making some mouse turd into a mountain... and we get stuck under the mouse-mountain.
This is where we need to stop creating our own misery.
Just stop doing it. How? By doing something else... something different.
How? Make a list of what you want -- and think about it. And, what if more of what you don't want keeps coming to your head? Keep adding to the list of what you want... then go out and start taking some actions towards achieving something on your "what you want list"... Your mind cannot stay focused on two different thoughts at the same time.
So, when your mind is running in a direction that you don't want it to run, you have to step up to the plate, like a mature-adult would do ... and change the direction of your mind.
And, how do you do that? By taking the actions. You start by picking up the pen and paper. Then, you go get some pictures... maybe from a magazine or something... and cut them out and put them up where you can look at them... letting them symbolize to you, what you want. And, then you take the next action towards achieving it.
Your mind can waste your time -- if you let it.
Life is short. Don't waste your time on things that you aren't going to be able to change, regardless of what you do. Get busy working on achieving the things that you want in life.
P.S. Anne, please know that I'm not meaning to minimize your problem with the lady -- I'm just hopefully suggesting a minimized solution that I hope may work for you as it does for me.