Changing Sponsers

Discussions related to Sponsors, Sponsoring, Working with others,
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Changing Sponsers

Postby Changeling » Sat Jul 26, 2008 3:00 pm

First of all Hello everyone here, I am new to this forum, and looking forward to getting to know everyone a little more.
I have just completed 90 days and am approaching step 4.

AA sponers for ladies were a bit thin on the ground in this area but i was lucky to find one and she has helped me through the first 3 steps. However, in all honestly I do not feel that I have really built a bond with her, partly because she has many sponsees and sometimes I feel very like its a bit of a production line. (sometimes she has confused me with others sponsee and forgotten where I am in the programme) Don't get me wrong I am very grateful that she has been there for me and may well not have reached 90 days without her.

However, during the last 2 months I have met another lady in the fellowship who I have become very good friends with. She is very committed to AA and has long time sobriety. I have begun to call this lady regularly and find her far easier to talk to. I know in my heart that I would feel far more comfortable doing my step 4/5 with this other lady.

I know that she would be happy to sponser me but am very concerned about how to handle things with the 1st Sponser. I do not want to cause any bad feeling that might make me uncomfortable going to the meetings which have become increasingly important to me.
Maybe I am making a big deal out of nothing, but this is all new to me.
Any feed back about this would be really gratefully received.
Kind wishes to all for a happy, sober weekend.

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Postby Dallas » Sat Jul 26, 2008 10:34 pm

Hello Changling, welcome to the forum! Nice to have you here. And, thank you for sharing and participating.

You might want to pause, pray and meditate. Deep inside you the answer will come, if your intentions and motives are right and in order.

You might also want to talk to both ladies about it. If their intentions and motives are for your highest good, and I'm assuming that they are, it will be obviously clear to them what they should suggest for you. Just be open and honest in your communication with them. If one of them gets offended -- that will give you more information on what the right choice in your situation will be.

I have one sponsor and I also have many very close AA friends that have been a tremendous help to me.


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Location: Spring, Texas

Postby tj » Sun Jul 27, 2008 7:15 am


Congratulations on 90 days. I am just 9 months ahead of you and remember well where I was at 90 days. It is awesome that you have a sponsor. I didn't start going to meetings until I was almost 60 days sober and asked someone to sponsor me somewhere around 90 days. I was scared to death to ask her but knew that I wanted to get well. At first, I, too, felt that she might not have time for me because she sponsored so many other women. One thing that I knew even then was that she was not supposed to be my friend, she was supposed to be my sponsor. If friendship came, all the better, but it wasn't a requirement. I wanted someone who would take me through the steps and call me on my crap. She definitely did that and I got the added blessing of her friendship. :D
I also rely on other women for guidance and counsel. Dallas' advise to pause, pray and meditate is key. God puts the people in our lives that we need and does for us what we cannot do for ourselves.


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Joined: Thu Jul 24, 2008 11:01 pm
Location: Spain

Postby Changeling » Sun Jul 27, 2008 4:05 pm

Thanks for the feedback, I am going to follow my heart here and start working with the 2nd lady. I shall try my best to explain things clearly and honestly to the original sponser. I have a feeling that she is not in a good space at the moment and may even be relieved to shed this extra responsibility and demand on her time.

I have just got in from a really good meeting and am feeling very calm and peaceful.

Best wishes to all

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