Can i please have your thoughts!!!!

Discussions related to 12 Step Sponsors, 12 Step Sponsoring, Working with others using the 12 Steps, for AA's, NA's, Al-Anons, Nar-Anons, OA, and others using the 12 Steps.
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Postby angel143 » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:18 am all are so wonderful to take the time to respond. I had some developments last night! And I think they were wonderful!, I am NOT attracted to the guy who offered to sponsor me. I had feeling it would be a bad idea with him being so sure that we were gonna be dating.

Last night was a ladies meeting. Ladies ONLY. Ya men!!! Well guess who showed up! Ok, so at this point I thought the guy had lost his damn marbles!!! He approached me outside and asked again to sponsor me. I politely declined. He proceeded to say "well, thats fine, ya know, you may not be as bad off as some you might be ok to date now...ya wanna go out?' eyecryrumba! Really? Wow...I thought guys only acted this way when they were in a bar and drinking! I, very obviously, declined. I also requested that he back off. He didnt seem to think that was necessary. He said 'well, if you arent in a relationship, then whats the problem' Ok, so I see what everyone meant when they said...he might want to revisit his own 12 steps! Guy is his rocker, looney tunes. I realize....I look pretty darn good in a hat, no make-up and jeans...but really! :wink: :lol: :lol: :lol:

One lady was walking by, as she passed behind me, I grabbed her...she turned and looked at him. She wasnt as nice as I was about the whole thing. I had talked to her previously and told her some things...she told him the same things I did, only not in a nice way....he put his head down, apologized, and promised not to bother me again. WHEW! Small favors!

She was nice, we went to grab something to eat later and as we were talking we just started talking about me, and where I am and where I think I am and what I need to do. I pulled out my worksheets for step 4, told her that I wanted to find someone to help me with it. I looked up at her, must have the puppy dog eyes or sumthin cause she laughed and said ' look like my kids use to when they wanted something!' She isnt able to be a sponsor...she is moving in a couple days, outta the country. But she took it upon herself to sit with me the entire rest of the night and go through the worksheets. I am going on NO sleep today. But feel so good.

I got through all the worksheets. It wasnt easy, and whenever I would cry she took the tissue box away. 'Hand someone a tissue and they stop crying...stop cleansing...get it out, deal with it, and move on' she was so right.

When I read the responses here, I realized that its a lot of what she was saying last night. She assured me that I may very well have things that come up later that I didnt think of or realize that I needed to inventory. But its ok. I can deal with that when the time comes. As long as I am honest now and do my best.

I never realized the things that I resented, or was angry about. My! amazing.

I told her that the list of people harmed....was going to be easy to make amends with compared to trying to make amends with the last name on the list. She said 'self'.

No one can make me feel anything that I am not willing to let them make me feel. So they really are not the ones that are the problem. Its me. And its the way I think. I need to look at the other side of things. I need to be patient with myself. I need to forgive myself. I need to love myself.

Last night was rough, it was really rough. I thought about things that I hadnt thought about in what seems like forever.

I could go on and on. But this kind lady....(18 years sober) helped me a great deal. She is going to put me in touch with some really great ladies that will be willing to help me!

See...I closed my eyes, talked to my HP, told Him I was leaving it to Him. He makes better choices than I do.

Thanks for letting me share. Thank you all for caring so much to help me.

I am going to be spending time with her for the next couple days till she leaves. Talk. Learn. Experience. I WILL be the best me. I WILL be happy. And I WILL do it all sober.

I love you all,

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Joined: Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:46 pm

Postby angel143 » Thu Jul 02, 2009 11:41 am

Dallas wrote:
For sponsorship

Rule #1. I must not be attracted to them physically. And, there must be no chance of emotional involvement. This goes for Sponsoring or being sponsored.

If there is any physical or emotional attraction -- on either side -- that is the first disqualifier.

Very true. I see that now. Makes total sense. I wouldnt wanna ask someone I was attracted to anyways...wouldnt want him to realize how crazy I am! :lol:

Dallas wrote:Don't get pissed at me for saying this... It's not a hootie hoot Ego thing... Newcomers are in a fog for the first year. They don't even know what they are like or are subject to do or not do.... Period. (Take a look at the 2nd element of Step One... in regards to unmanageable).

I couldnt get pissed at you! And I know its not and ego thing. You are right. Im sure my head is in a fog.

Dallas wrote:If you don't believe that... write down what you think you know now, and what you think you're like now, and what you think about now... and stay sober for one year... then read what you wrote... and ask yourself... if you weren't in a fog when you wrote it! :lol:

I will do this later today! I promise. I think it sounds like a great idea. It will certainly be an eye opener. Come June 3rd sure I will be surprised! :lol:

Dallas wrote:When you've been sober for a year, and you've been busy doing the work, you are going to make two important discoveries.

1. I'm not the person that I thought I was.

2. My values have changed... and what I thought I wanted for myself, is not what I really want for myself today.

I hope so....because I can wait a year to find out what it is I really want. Because I have the whole rest of my life to do it....sober!

Dallas wrote:Now, I did not say "stay out of relationships for a year, or don't make major decisions for a year, yada yada yada yada."

WHEW!!!!! thank goodness for that! WOW...I was gettin a bit worried there for a quick minute. Man o man! I do just about anything for a year...but...there are some things I just cant wait on!!!! :wink: :lol:

Dallas wrote:I only said that you'll make two important discoveries for yourself and I listed them above.

I will go on to say, that for me, in regards to #1 and #2... they are still changing... after being sober for 22 years.

The key to growth and progress is "change." When we are no longer changing... we will cease to grow and make progress.

The idea of change use to scare the hell outta me. But im realizing that change isnt a bad word. Its a great thing. And I want to always be growing and making progress.

Thank you always.....

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Postby Danni » Thu Jul 02, 2009 12:06 pm

angel143, thank you so much for sharing your update! When I first read what you posted when you started this topic my heart jumped to my throat and it was OMG! Please don't let this happen to her!

I know I'm supposed to live without fear but girl, I was terrified for you and I've been praying almost non-stop for God to intervene through the Fellowship of Ladies in AA.

Thank you for sharing your message of hope that yes, there is a God, prayers are important and the Ladies in AA will be there for you if you turn to them.


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Postby Dallas » Thu Jul 02, 2009 7:32 pm

Yep! Those beautiful ladies in the Fellowship!
The most beautiful ladies in the world!

Last I heard, there was a movement with in the Ladies of the Fellowship, that they were trying to get a 13th Tradition written and approved... for the 13th Step predators of the sick, lonely and hurting new ladies coming in!

Had something to do with having a new back room added where they could perform castrations.

AA is a great society with many wonderful people in it -- but, as with all societies... there are some pretty sick psycho puppies running around.

We read about them and hear about them all the time, when we turn on the news! Fortunately, those are not in AA! (Or... are they?) Keep your eyes open for Hannible's regardless if you're in Central Park... Azusa, Florida, Texas, Arizona, Arkansas... or AA! You don't want to become someones Happy Meal! ). The bars were full of them!!! And, most of us survived (or got thrown out of) those places! So, hopefully, we'll all survive in AA, too! :wink:

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Postby ccs » Thu Jul 02, 2009 9:06 pm

Dallas wrote:
Last I heard, there was a movement with in the Ladies of the Fellowship, that they were trying to get a 13th Tradition written and approved... for the 13th Step predators of the sick, lonely and hurting new ladies coming in!
Had something to do with having a new back room added where they could perform castrations.

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: I love it and sounds just right for that :evil: Bast**d :twisted:
thats been bothering our little Heather

Heather you find yourself a group of women just like that to hang out with ok :wink: :wink:

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Postby angel143 » Thu Jul 02, 2009 10:42 pm guys are great!

Dallas...I promise I will be careful and watch out for those that want to make me their Happy Meal! :lol:

Cess...Thanks..wish you were closer! You could go with me and protect me!!! :wink:

You guys are awesome...

Love you

daily reprieve
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Postby daily reprieve » Fri Oct 23, 2009 10:19 am

It sounds like this guys intentions are to get you well enough to date. When I work with a newcomer, my intention is to show him how I got sober, shown to me by following the suggestions of a sober member of the program who did not want to get in my pants. My sponsor worked with me for the love of it and to stay sober himself. The same reasons I work with others. It is for the issues you raised with this male sponsor that the program "suggests" men work with men and women work with women. If you don't feel comfortable working with another woman, attend a gay and lesbian meeting. Perhaps you can meet a male sponsor there who has NO interest in complicating an already intimate relationship with the thought of romance. As a straight man, I have worked with women with the exception of the 5th step. Any step before 5 and after 5, I offer my help. But I do know the limits and boundaries that I have set.

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Postby Silverbullet » Mon Dec 14, 2009 2:04 pm

Self Knowledge availed me nothing!! Man or women doesn't matter as long as they're working the steps. I never read in the BB where' it says the "spiritual adviser" should be of a certain sex, have you? How do I know what he/she has? In the BB, 1st 103 pages.

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Postby dp101129 » Thu Feb 02, 2012 5:52 am

it is important to watch thier feet...
be observant and aware...

it takes two to tangle...

if i am truely drowning like the book discribles,
it does matter what kind of a line anyone throws to me...

i don't believe that there aren't any step taking ladies out there...


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